Groupies are an integral part of classic rock'n'roll nomenclature - all right, not 'nomenclature' you wanker - 'oevre', then. 'Oevre' is a bit much. 'Genre'? Nah. 'Mores'? They're those people from New Zealand who rub noses, aren't they? Rock'n'roll 'mythology'. Nah. Rock'n'roll mythology is like what's in Sting's pants. Besides his hand, I mean. Part of rock's rich tapestry. Oh well, it'll have to do.
Anyway, the thing I hate about women is they can never make up their minds.
Definitions
rock groupie: person who is prepared to debase themselves due to lack of self-esteem to gain acceptance in the eyes of the rock world.
rock star: person who is prepared to debase themselves due to lack of self-esteem to gain acceptance in the eyes of the rock world.
rock world: 'groupies' and 'stars'.
Who are the biggest groupies in rock'n'roll?
A very difficult question to answer. Firstly, to be a groupie one must have a vagina. Given the number of vaginas in rock, that doesn't rule many people out. You must also be prepared to moan. That doesn't help, either. Moaning about artistic pain was quite popular, now everyone's onto the environment. All in all, however, the biggest groupies in rock are without doubt Poison.
Why are Poison the biggest groupies in rock?
Because they're the only ones who'd allow me to say so. I had to fuck them first, though.
How do you satisfy a groupie in bed?
Who cares.
How does one become a TISM groupie?
Join the band.
Who is TISM's favourite groupie?
Besides our management, you mean?
Obviously.
Well that's a toughie. We're not like normal bands. We're fucked already.
Are you jealous of other bands ability to attract groupies?
Sometimes. Bruce Ruxton has a great groupie - nice crop of wool. He's one Australian who really rides on the sheep's back. We were really jealous of Ollie Witer's groupie, who had a bigger dick than us.
Talking of groupies:
SCANDAL! MURDOCH PAYS MONEY TO HAVE SEX WITH DOGS!
RUPERT IN MALE TOILET ROMP!
RUPERT MURDOCH: WOMEN'S CLOTHING ANAL-EROTIC SADISTIC FRUIT AND SEX PARTY! PICTURES
MURDOCH PAPERS SHOCK: FILTHY ULCEROUS LARD FILLED BUCKETS OF MALICE!
Are any of the above true?
No. Irresponsible of us to suggest it, really. (Note: One is true.)
Any message to your interstate groupies?
TISM wish to ask all our Brisbane groupies to take off their uniforms before entering the band room. There's a lot of repressive, conservative, narrow minded people in Queensland - and they tend to be embarrassed when their fellow officers storm in demanding a piece of the action. TISM would also like to request that all their Sydney groupies are buried arse up, as a tribute to the way they lived and died.
Final thoughts?
Yes, we at TISM apologise for this press release. It is about time someone attacked those really puerile and demeaning people that are so quick to exploit the cheap laugh and tacky joke in rock. Which is why in our next press release we'll be discussing rock journalists.
