canterbury

DRAMATIS PERSONAE:

SAILOR (The Canterbury Tales), the protagonist of dubious repute
MERCUTIO (Romeo & Juliet), Sailor's foe by mistake
MIRANDA (The Tempest), ditzy airhead, Sailor's love interest
PROSPERO (The Tempest), Miranda's father, magician of sorts
ARIEL (The Tempest), a spirit working for Prospero
FERDINAND (The Tempest), Miranda's spurned love

CHAUCER MEETS SHAKESPEARE: CLASH OF THE TITANS

Through pilgrimages many stories told,
Of ch'racters many ages, meek and bold.
The best of these occur upon the sea,
Where waters rage and sirens sing their plea.
Adventures of the unexpected rise,
When Time the rules of centuries defies.
A red sky morning brought a fateful night,
When to the swarthy sailor such a sight
Appeared not the lovestruck Romeo,
But 'twas the valiant Mercutio,
Who stumbled into what for him was past
When after Tybalt's work he breathed his last.
No pain did he feel as he woke reclined,
But shocked to find that he was Madeleine'd.
He spoke with trembling voice and reeling mind,
"Alas that I should be in such a bind!"
The sailor answered shortly with a "daar!"
A fitting answer for a salty tar
Who spoke naught but the tongue of Cicero,
"Volo verberare tu baculo!"
He thought Mercutio a stowaway
Who could no longer on the vessel stay
So came he forth in maniacal glee;
Mercutio from danger had to flee.
In self-defense he shrieked, "Have at thee, knave!"
And jabbed the sailor with his trusty stave.
"Manus manum lavat!" the sailor said,
At which Mercutio's face blanched with dread,
"That sounded ominous; alas, poor me!
That such a lord as I should run from thee!"
The sailor grimly grinning grabbed the poor
Old wretch and threw him into Neptune's roar.
With Tybalt's rage endowed the sailor seemed
The predecessor to the feline fiend.
Amidst his wild flails wretched old Merc cried,
"Ah me! I fear I have been fishified!"
With that a gust of wind blew such a gale,
Herewithal adding Valley to our tale
As Neptune's temper rose to such a height
That no one could discern 'tween day and night.
A tempest 'twas that raged across the sea;
The sailor and his friends had but one plea
To gods above that sunshine they should see,
But ere long Madeleine would cease to be.
Our sailor lived by miracle or chance,
And woke upon an isle where magic danced.
A vision crossed his eyes and his trance broke
As she looked upon him and she spoke,
"Like, oh my God, this is, like, totally
Way weird!" She pranced round him most happily.
Miranda was this spritely maiden's name
A beauty, though her mind was quite the shame.
Intelligence and good wit she had none,
That is why she was banished from Milan.
(For entertainment the Bard did revise
The story of The Tempest; all such lies)
She bade her sweetheart Ferdinand farewell
(Of whose bad taste in maids no one could quell),
And fled with father Prospero in tow
To faraway isles where no one would know
Of whereabouts of father-daughter pair,
Where no one else's feet stepped the sands ere
Our jolly sailor's fate brought him to she,
A lovely girl, though dumber than a tree.
That giddy girl was wont to twirl while "I'm
So pretty! Pretty pretty dancing!" chimed
She in a shrill refrain and wild delight,
From dawn till dusk and more all through the night.

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