| Important Things Ryan, Rose, and Tiffany Learnt From: Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior by Judith Martin (click to purchase! i'm doing you a favour, judith, for all that you've taught me.) |
| - After a one-night stand, call or send postcards to query idly about the other's well-being. - Always carry a square of linen on one's person, should one have good occasion to weep. - Weeping into [tissue] paper is disgusting; weeping into linen is romantic. - Q: My fiancee dumped me a while back, but now I'm interested in dating again. I don't want to reveal everything, but I think that the women who ask about my past deserve an answer. What do I tell them? A: Be mysterious and intriguing. Say something like: "There was someone... Forgive me, I just can't talk about it. Perhaps when... no, please. Can we not mention this again? (Dramatic gestures optional. See Ryan for pointers) - Junior high dances leave deep emotional scars that make people really interesting. - How to Get Engaged: 1) Arrange the lady on a sofa. 2) Kneel. This will shock her nicely. When she finally collects herself enough to say, "What are you doing?" smile mysteriously. 3) Pull out a box with a ring in it. This will put her back in shock. 4) Say, "I can't live without you. Will you marry me?" 5) Put the ring on her finger. 6) Congratulations, you are now engaged! - When holding a private ball at one's home, one must provide an awning and red red carpet from the street to the front door. - One may dress one's maids according to the colour theme of one's house in the morning, provided they are back in black by luncheon. - There is no known correct way to eat pistachios. Nevertheless, they are delicious. - Poor taste is displaying one's bosom. - Eighteen-button gloves have 3 pearl buttons on each wrist. - Ski injuries are fitting subjects of hilarity. - Something as sensual as picking one's nose should be done in private. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |
| Readers' Comments: "[uncontrollable laughter]" - RB "[more uncontrollable laughter]" - TY "I don't know if I should laugh or cry -- into a towel." - GH "Emily Post is an ugly hack." - RT That is all. For the excruciatingly correct way to leave this page, click here. |