My tendency to be an over achiever was established quite early in life. I have always been my own worse critic, and almost always could not please myself, despite the fact that those around me found joy in the fact that not only had I matured at an early age, but that I was willing to please others before myself. I jokingly remark constantly that I have been prepared for failure all of my life. My only weakness is the fear of success. Despite all which I have achieved in my life time, I still feel there is something much more out there. I am one of those people who hates to shop for myself, thinking that spending money on myself when it could go to a better cause is wrong. I received my Associates degree two weeks before my high school diploma. While many of you may ask how was this possible, well, under the Educational system one could clep High School courses and elect to attend college instead. Now I did not receive my diploma until I had presented proof of a High School Diploma. This of course was merely a formality. Thinking I needed to explore greater possibilities in life, I dropped my deferment, only to be drafted shortly after. Don't get me wrong, the Army is not a bad situation, but for someone who is of high IQ and hyper, it appeared too slow for my pace. Despite the fact that popularity was never high on my list, I tend to gather quite a following wherever I go. It does not matter where I am, I throw myself into anything I do. If I cannot do the best job possible, I would rather not waste my time doing it at all. Reading has always been my escape in life, yet I found it to be the best preparation I could expect in coping with this ever changing world. I was a father before the age of sixteen, married shortly after, yet unsure of what I wanted out of life. When divorce came along I welcomed it thinking that it would release me from a bad choice in my life. Still when my son, died of leukemia, the greatest part of my life left with him. For any of you whose parents say they will disown you if you are gay, this is not so. There is a bond which starts at birth, and no matter what your children do, you will love them forever. For some parents it takes longer to make the necessary adjustments. But in the end, all of them will come around to loving you as you are. I like the simple things in life. Money and power have only served to make my life further complicated. With money, you always want more, and when you achieve power, you have to remember that there will always be someone at the bottom ready to knock you off the platform. In addition, this violates the self gain rule of which all traditional Wiccans must abide by. Nothing in life is ever permanent, it can change at any moment. Appreciate what you have as well as what you achieve. Never think that you cannot compare with those around you. Each of us has our own unique talent, we just have to take the time to find out what it is. |
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