FAMILY LOVE

"Is she your sister?"

Kayla rolled her pretty green eyes and smiled as she responded to her classmate's questions, "Yes, she's my sister!"

That wasn't the first time Kayla had been asked that question in the four years since we'd adopted her baby sister from Korea.

While Kayla is blonde and tall for her age, Julia is petite with raven black hair and almond shaped brown eyes. She receives extra attention everywhere we go. We included Kayla from the very beginning of Julia's adoption process. She was only five then, but we talked openly with her about our options. We all prayed for God to lead us. When we felt God had told us where to begin, we started the process through a local international adoption agency. They sent a social worker to our home for several visits, who wrote our homestudy report for the agency. Our goal was to adopt an infant from Korea, but we discovered that the Lord had a big surprise for us. His surprise was a baby boy named Cameron from right in our home town, who needed a family. We definitely felt God leading us to be Cam's parents.

An acquaintance from our church, a single woman, had given birth to him, and she believed that a private adoption plan would be best for him. Tom and I prayed about adopting Cameron, and we were convinced that he was meant to be our son. We told his birthmother on Sunday when we saw her at church that we'd love to adopt him. She was relieved to have found him a two-parent Christian home. She called her attorney the next morning, we hired an attorney for us, and they took care of the legalities that quickly brought Cameron to our home. We thought when we said yes to his adoption that we wouldn't be able to adopt from Korea. We were convinced that he was a special gift to us; however, we were distressed about the international adoption not working out. Had we misunderstood God's direction for the adoption of a Korean baby?

Although our two-year-old son, Lucas, was happy and felt this was the baby that we'd all been talking about and praying for, Kayla was not. She loved having a new baby brother, but she was upset when I told her that we wouldn't be adopting from Korea.

When I asked her why, she answered, "We have to adopt our Korean baby because Jesus and God said so!" At age five she was verbalizing exactly what I believed in my heart too.

When I called the international agency, I told the director that even though I was very happy about adopting Cameron, I was sad about not adopting from Korea. She gave me the wonderful news that we could do both adoptions. After Cameron's adoption was finalized, we could continue our process with them. God is so good! Tom and I didn't even hesitate. We knew it would be hard adopting two babies within a year's time, but it all felt so right. Kayla was thrilled with the news too.

Just one month after Cam's adoption was finalized, we got a referral from the international agency for a five-week-old baby girl with the Korean name Soo Jin. After our social worker had telephoned us with the news, we met him at a restaurant where he gave us the written information and several pictures of her. We started bonding immediately with the pictures of that newborn baby so very far away.

I was so excited I thought I'd pop! As a matter of fact, 1990 was such a banner year at our house it was hard to settle back down to everyday life. It was January when our attorney brought Cameron in her station wagon that I called her "Storkmobile." Nine months later, on September 30th, we all drove to the Detroit airport to receive our precious bundle from Korea. Our baby girl was three months old then and we'd named her Julia Ann Jin. When they handed her to me, I kneeled down so the kids could see her. They kissed her and Lucas asked, "Can she talk?" The proud Daddy was recording it all on video tape.

Julia was a contented baby. We discovered on the first day that she could already roll over from front to back. I also discovered that my happy little Kayla was jealous of her new sister and all the attention she was receiving. Mostly she didn't seem to like when Daddy was holding Julia and cooing about her being his baby girl. She didn't do anything mean, but she had a major pout on her face. I was somewhat surprised at her reaction because she had wanted us to adopt so much. Then I realized it was quite normal and involved Kayla more in helping with Julia's care. She was used to brothers, but this was her first experience with having another girl in the family.

Tom tried to be more careful to include Kayla. Soon the jealousy became a forgotten emotion as the thrill of having a sister became a reality. Kayla had me bring Julia to her first grade class, and I also read her class a story about adoption. It's been fun adding adoption materials plus Korean cultural things to our household. We have subscribed to two magazines about adoption, bought several books about both private and international adoption, and I have enjoyed finding Julia beautiful Asian dolls.

Kayla and Julia are similar in that they are both outgoing and funny; however, their biggest bond is that they are sisters. They live in the same home, share their parents, two brothers, and a Dalmatian named Freckles. They also share the bedroom with pastel colored hearts on the wallpaper. They sleep in a queen size bed together where Kayla reads to Julia almost every night. I can hear them in there talking, giggling, and sometimes fighting like all sisters do. Kayla strolls Julia around the block in the Mickey Mouse umbrella stroller, even though she's old enough to walk herself. She gives her piggy back rides around the house until I get nervous and say, "Put her down!" I'm always afraid she'll get hurt, but they giggle and say, "It's O.K., Mom, we're having fun."

Kayla thinks Julia is one of the brightest spots in her life. When Kayla started fourth grade, they had her answer a questionnaire. One question was, "What is the most important thing you've ever done?" I was pleased when I read her answer which was, "Adopt my sister from Korea." She sometimes acts like she adopted Julia herself rather than just being the big sister.

Julia is equally delighted with Kayla. She'll let her do things like wash her hair in the bathtub without fussing, even though she whines at me when I do it. She misses Kayla when she's gone to school, and she gets downright angry with me when I let Kayla spend the night with a friend. I enjoy watching their special relationship with each other.

Julia is so completely her little sister that Kayla thinks it should be obvious to anyone. Reality, though, is that because of their differences in appearance, they will often be asked about their relationship. I'm teaching them to be polite when they are questioned. For the most part, I do that by example when I am out with them. Sometimes it's hard staying aware because of the fact that Julia not looking like the rest of us isn't uppermost on our minds. I might just be busy trying to find her the perfect red shoes to match her Christmas dress. Kayla and Julia may be having fun riding up and down the escalator, or playing with the hand dryers in the department store bathroom. Julia's adoption is far from their minds then. They are just sisters enjoying childhood. Inevitably it will happen, somebody will ask Kayla, "Is she your sister?" and, even though the question gets tiresome, she'll proudly answer, "Yes, she's my sister."

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