DISCLAIMER: Paramount owns all but the idea... that is mine. I have no intention of infringing on any copyrights, just to say something I think TPTB left unsaid.

WARNING: This story, although rated PG, makes an implication to a m/m love relationship. There is nothing explicit in it, but if you are uncomfortable with the idea of same sex relationships, I suggest you are in the wrong place (after all, this is a slash fanfic site).

SUMMARY: Inspired by A. Kite's "Left Behind" and the DS9 series finale "What We Leave Behind". Thanks go out to A. Kite for her inspiration along these lines... and the inspirational acting of Andy Robinson and Alexander Siddig. Had they not played up the relationship between Garak and Bashir so well, I doubt many of us would have written the stories that we have.

What I left ...
T'Lin
(July 1999)

Home, at last, yet alone. I should be happy to be on Cardassia once again, a hero to my people, but I'm not.

For years, I was an exile ... living my life on a space station occupied by the very people I had spent my youth fighting. They drove my people off their station, but I was left there ... unable to return home ... unable to be trusted ... friendless, and alone.

Then came Starfleet ... and especially one young, bright, eager Doctor. Oh, the fun I had with him. Weaving tales of spies, and all I was in the past ... never telling all, but enough to keep him guessing. It was a glorious pastime ... a flirtation, if you will. One that could have ended with such a magnificent union - both body and soul - if only I had the courage to pursue it to its ultimate conclusion.

But, alas, I did not. We had our lunches, and played our games in the holodeck, but I never allowed it to go any further. Fear had gripped me ... fear that he would not share my feelings ... fear that he would not accept me as anything more than a passing acquaintance and occasional friend ... fear that if I tried to get closer, I would lose the only friend I had on that accursed station.

As time passed, we grew into a comfortable relationship... neither allowing the other any closer, until the day that his great secret was revealed. I had great hopes of him feeling the isolation I had felt in that place, and using it as an opening to a more permanent and intimate relationship. Once again, however, these people surprised me. They did not shun him for what had happened in his past... his difference was accepted by all. I do believe his relationship with O'Brien became even closer than before, much to my disappointment.

Over the years, it tore me up inside to see him with Mr. O'Brien... but I learned to share his affection by telling myself that they were nothing more than friends. I could live with that. As long as they were not lovers, I could live with that.

What I could not live with was the knowledge that he and Ezri had become lovers. Imagine my surprise when I came to tell Julian that I was returning to Cardassia... I had every intention of asking him to join me in my struggle to rebuild our society... of expressing my love for him, and my dreams and hopes for our future together... but I couldn't do it. Once again, my own fear gripped me, and I couldn't tell him how I felt.

So, here I am... alone.

I wonder... Would he have come with me if I had asked? Does he ever think of me? Does he realize that what I left on DS9 was the part of my soul that had any hope of happiness?

THE END