Title: TO FACE REALITY
Author: T'Lin
Series: VOY (TOS)
Pairing: Kirk/Vorik (K/S, S/V)
Rating: NC-17
Feedback: gladly accepted ... send to LinkyS@aol.com
Archiving: Kirk Fuh-Q Fest, ASC/ASCEM, BLTS and my own web page: http://www.oocities.org/tlin_s/
Note: Part of the "Kirk Fuhq Fest", http://oocities.com/kirk_fuh_q_fest/
Summary: Voyager has just recently gotten lost in the Delta Quadrant. Vorik is homesick ... looking back to a year ago, when Spock left him, he decides he must find out what it was about Kirk that made Spock love him so. This is a sequel to "TO REALIZES ONES FANTASIES", part of the Spock Fuh-Q Fest Round II - http://www.kardasi.com/fuh-q-fest-2/ (can also be found on my web page - see the URL above)
Warning: This story contains m/m sex ... if this isn't your thing, or if you're underage, READ NO FURTHER ... this is fair warning!
Disclaimer: Paramount/Viacom owns all things TREK ... I just borrow their wonderful universe,
and all the people in it, and let them have a little fun. I promise to put them all away when I am
done. No copyright infringement intended, I make no money off of this.
I have tried to meditate ... to clear my mind of the hopelessness and depression I
am feeling. But I see the situation we are in and can not help myself ... we are
lost, so far from home that, baring a miracle, most of our crew members will not
live to see their homes again.
I tell myself that the Captain is resourceful ... that we *will* find our way home
sooner ... but late at night, when I feel vulnerable and alone, I doubt her abilities.
< there is a pause in the recording, then Vorik continues in a quiet voice >
Late at night ... when I am lonely ... I think back on the life I had. The life I
shared with Spock ... and all we could have been if it were not for James T. Kirk.
If Spock hadn't left me, when he heard that Kirk was 'alive' in the NEXUS, I
would not have taken a starship post ... I would not be stuck in the Delta
Quadrant ... I would not be alone.
Today, as I meditated, I came to the realization that I must find out more about
Kirk, and what he was to Spock. Try to understand why, after all these years,
Spock was still drawn to him ... even from the grave.
Perhaps then I will be able to find the peace I need to go on with my life ... after
all, if I am to survive this long journey, I will need to find another mate.
Vorik had booked the Holosuite for the next hour ... and in doing so, also pulled
up the historical records of James T. Kirk. He had asked the computer to examine
them and extrapolate the data where his relationship with Spock came into play.
He was not surprised by the sheer volume of such entries ... after all, they had
served together on two 5-year missions, as well as countless other assignments,
several life-or-death situations ... and even saved Earth on more than one
occasion.
When Spock died, Kirk grieved ... then risked everything to save his katra ... and
eventually resurrect his friend. Later, when Kirk died, Spock was devastated. He
spent years searching for his friend ... never truly believing he was dead.
Eventually, he went on with his life, but at the first word that Kirk was alive ...
some 80-years after his *death* on the ENTERPRISE B ... Spock dropped
everything to seek out his old lover ... including Vorik. This is what Vorik
needed to understand. What was it about Kirk that drove Spock from his bed ...
and his life?
"Computer ... use historical documents to re-create James T. Kirk."
"Specify time-frame," intoned the computer.
"Re-create Kirk from Earth date 2264 ... shortly after he assumed command of
USS ENTERPRISE." Vorik thought for a minute, then continued, "make him
fully interactive. As time passes, have him change and age according to the
historical record."
"Program complete ... you may enter."
Vorik entered to find Captain James T. Kirk sitting at a desk, in what had to be
his office aboard the original ENTERPRISE. He was young, barely 35 at the
time, with wavy, sandy-blond hair, piercing hazel eyes, and the physique of a
man who keeps in top condition. Vorik could see why Spock would be attracted
to him on a physical level, but he also knew Spock ... there had to be more to it
than mere physicality.
As he approached the desk, Kirk looked up, asking, "May I help you ...?"
"Vorik, Sir. I am conducting research into prolonged space journeys, and the
effect they have on the interpersonal relationships of crewmembers." He had
devised this line of questioning in order to examine all aspects of their
relationship, not just the apparent physical one, because it was the *full
relationship* that he needed to understand. "I am especially interested in the
command staff ... to see how prolonged contact, on a daily basis, influences their
life choices."
"Please, have a seat." As Vorik sat, Kirk flashed him one of his famous smiles ...
Vorik's heart fluttered in his side. Kirk was well known for his considerable
charm, and Vorik was already partially under his spell. "So, tell me, Vorik ...
what would you like to know about me and my command staff?" he said with a
smile. He chuckled slightly as he went on, "and if I'm not being too
presumptuous, may I assume that by *command staff*, you are referring to
Commander Spock?"
"To be blunt, yes ... I am curious about your relationship with him. All aspects of
it."
"May I ask why?" Kirk was genuinely curious.
Vorik hesitated a moment, but realized that it didn't really matter if Kirk knew
his motivation for this inquiry. As a hologram program, Kirk would not be
influenced by the knowledge of future events when answering his questions. "Of
course you may," he answered, then stopped to compose himself before
continuing, "I am from your future. To be more precise, nearly 90 years in your
future."
He paused, noting the increased curiosity of his companion. "Until a year ago, I
had been Spock's lover ..." At these words, Kirk raised his eyebrow, much like
Spock would have done. Vorik could see his scepticism at this revelation, but he
did not question. Vorik continued, "we had been together for nearly five years. I
believe we would still be together, today, if it were not for you."
The room was quiet for several moments. Finally, Kirk broke the silence, saying,
"I'm not sure if I understand you ... by your time, I must surely be long dead ...
how can *I* have any influence on your relationship with Spock?"
"That is a fair question ... although one I am not prepared to answer at this time."
Vorik said with a hint of a smile. Seeing an answering smile on Kirk's lips, he
went on, "Talk to me ... let me get to know you, as he did ... then, I hope both of
our questions will be answered."
**********
For the rest of the hour, Kirk told of his exploits during their first 5-year mission,
and how his friendship with Spock developed during that time. Apparently, it
was about halfway through this mission, when Spock experienced his first Pon
Farr, that their friendship developed into something more. Kirk had risked
everything to save his friend ... not for the first time ... and certainly not the last
... this was a major turning point in their relationship.
"Actually," Kirk said, only moments later, "that is not entirely true. It was at this
time that we *acknowledged* our mutual attraction ... and it was at that time that
Spock taught me what it meant to be *t'hy'la* ... but we had been *t'hy'la* long
before we ever said it out loud."
As his allotted time in the holodeck came to an end, Vorik instructed the
computer to save the program, and continue from this point when he returned.
Although he had barely started his investigation into their relationship, he already
had a good understanding about it. He could sense from Kirk's words that they
had been something unique in this universe .. two people who were truly
*soul-mates*.
Vorik had much to think about, as he lay alone in his bed that night.
**********
His flesh burned ... he was on fire. He had thrown off the covers, and stripped out
of his damp bed clothes ... the mere touch of the soft fabric on his sensitized skin
caused exquisite agony. He was painfully aroused, but nothing he did alleviated
his condition. He needed the touch of another ... but there was no one. He was
alone, with no hope of quenching the flames that consumed him.
Suddenly, he gasped ... as icy fingers lightly stroked his engorged flesh. His eyes
flew open to see the blond head go down, and feel the cool lips enclose his hot
shaft. He writhed in pleasure as the cool tongue played around his cockhead, and
teased his ridges.
As the tongue expertly teased the cock, a hand gently massaged the ball sack,
nearly bringing the young Vulcan to climax. The blond, knowing exactly what it
would take to complete his task, applied just a slight bit a pressure to the balls,
while he deep-throated the Vulcan.
*************
Vorik awoke, shaken by the intensity of the dream. It had been years since he had
had a 'wet dream' ... but never once had they been as exquisite as this one. Of
course, it *was* James T. Kirk he dreamed of ... the one man Spock cared for ...
more than any other. The man who was legendary for his sexual prowess.
Vorik took a sonic shower, replaced the soiled linens, and went back to bed. He
would revisit the holodeck after his duty shift ended, and try to learn more about
James T. Kirk ... the man, not the legend. He would concentrate on his time on
Earth ... while Spock was on Vulcan, with the Masters at Gol ... and what they
had between them that changed their lives forever.
**********
"I really didn't think he would go ... I mean, he had *threatened* many times, but
never actually done it. I thought this was more of the same," Kirk said, as he
settled back at his desk with a fresh cup of coffee.
Vorik and Kirk had moved on. They were now in Kirk's office at Starfleet
Headquarters talking about Kirk's promotion to Admiral, and Spock's resignation
from Starfleet. Vorik encouraged him to continue, "do you know what prompted
him to leave this time, when he had not done so before?"
"Oh, yeah ... it was me. I postponed our Bonding Ceremony once again," he said,
then after a brief pause continued, "well, it was that, among other things." Kirk
looked decidedly embarrassed, but went on, "accepting promotion to Admiral
was another factor. Both he and McCoy resigned from Starfleet over it ... partly
because of the arguments we had, and partly because of the arguments with the
top brass."
Kirk sipped his coffee, then continued, "of course, I was pissed at Spock for
leaving me ... when he told me that he had accepted a teaching position at the
Vulcan Science Academy, I was hurt. After all, Starfleet Academy had given him
a similar offer, and if he had accepted that, instead, we could have stayed
together."
Kirk fell silent, bitterness and anger painting his features as he sipped his coffee,
and contemplated his life. Vorik could see the hurt there ... and for the first time
truly understood how Kirk felt. There was one thing that puzzled him, however,
so he asked, "if you don't mind my asking ... how did Spock end up at Gol, if he
left Earth for the VSA?"
"Again, that was my doing," Kirk said, as he composed himself, and continued.
"As I said, I had been hurt by his choice to leave Earth. To ease my pain, I
'reverted to type', so to speak." Once again, he hesitated before going on, as if he
were embarrassed. "I started dating again ... I became quite the 'ladies man' ...
virtually sleeping with anyone who would have me. This went on for quite some
time, until one day, Nogura set me up with Lori Chiani ... we became quite an
item ... and before I knew it, we had gotten married." Kirk fell silent, obviously
lost in thought.
To break the silence, Vorik asked, "can I assume that Spock did not take the
news well?"
"No, he didn't." Kirk thought for a moment, then added, "well, actually, he
seemed to take it just fine, *outwardly* ... he called, offered his congratulations,
and wished me all the best." Kirk paused, a sadness came over him as he
continued, "then he proceeded to tell me that he would never see me again. That
he was going to the mountains of Gol, where he would spend the rest of his life
in the study of Kohlinar." There were tears in his eyes as he continued, "until that
moment, I had no idea just how much I loved him ... or how empty my life was
without him." He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood, "oh, I put on a brave face
... wished him happiness and all that, but inwardly, I was devastated. My life
after that was ... I don't know ... it was like I was sleepwalking ... going through
the motions of living and working ... but not really participating."
Vorik was fascinated ... there was such a depth of character to this man who, for
all intents and purposes, had been portrayed 'larger-than-life' by historians for his
deeds ... but for all of his heroism, that portrayal was sadly 'two-dimensional'.
As Vorik watched the man before him, he noticed a change come over him. The
vibrancy and vitality that he had admired so was gone ... Kirk looked tired, worn
out ... suddenly appearing years older, as Vorik watched.
Abruptly, Kirk shook himself, and continued with his tale. Time passed ... Lori
Chiani left him ... he was unhappy in his work, and his life ... but then everything
changed. Vorik noticed the life returning to his eyes as he told of Earth being in
danger, and how the two loves of his life had come back to him ... the
ENTERPRISE ... and Spock! Kirk was suddenly rejuvenated once more ... he
had a purpose in life ... a reason for living.
Kirk and Spock were bonded shortly after the V'Ger incident, and had several
happy years together. Their happiness, however, came to an unexpected end
when Spock sacrificed himself to save the ship. Kirk was devastated by his death
... and could not share his pain with anyone, for they did not know of their
bonding. That is, no one except for McCoy ... but at the time, he was in no
condition to help ease his suffering.
As Kirk sat there, reliving Spock's sacrifice, Vorik was moved by the emotional
display. Reaching out to the grieving man, he could not help but be attracted to
him. Whether it was his vulnerability, or the quiet dignity he displayed, Vorik did
not know ... all he knew was that he was drawn to this man.
At that moment, he knew why Spock had been drawn to Kirk, even beyond the
grave. Taking the older man into his arms, he rocked him gently, whispering
soothing words as Kirk cried softly for his lost love. "There is no need to weep,"
he said. "Tell me of your reunion ... you deserve happiness."
Kirk slowly regained his composure, then went on with the tale. He told of
Sarek's plea to find his son's lost Katra, McCoy's madness, and the mixed
feelings he had over their search and rescue mission ... for although they had
found Spock, quite alive, Kirk's own son, David, had been killed by the Klingon's
... and they had lost the ENTERPRISE.
Of course, there were also mixed emotions over his reunion with Spock after the
're-fusion' ... Spock had no memory of their life together as anything other than
Captain and First Officer. He had vowed to himself to 'make' Spock remember.
And as he told Vorik of the euphoria he felt when Spock's memory of their life
together returned, Vorik once again saw the spark in his eyes that was his lust for
life.
Vorik knew that there was much more to their life together, but he had all the
answers he needed. He could see exactly what it was that Spock saw in this man
that made them such a perfect couple. They were 'soul-mates' ... where one was
light, the other was dark ... the perfect combination of logic and intuition. Neither
one was whole without the other. Seeing this first hand made Spock's leaving less
painful. Their time together had been a mere 'fling' in comparison. He told Kirk
as much ... and that answered his question of how, years after his death, he could
possibly have an influence on Spock's life.
***********
As Vorik thanked him for sharing his story, Kirk asked, "isn't there something
else you'd like?"
Vorik was puzzled. He thought for a moment, then said, "I do not require
anything else ... you have answered my questions admirably."
"Maybe the spoken ones.," Kirk said, as he came over to Vorik. Taking him by
the hands, he pulled him to his feet and embraced him. Tenderly, he ran his
hands up over Vorik's arms to his shoulders, as he pulled the young Vulcan into a
gentle kiss.
He kept the kiss light and tender ... he didn't want to rush or force anything.
Suddenly, Vorik opened Kirk's mouth with his tongue ... exploring the cool
opening as he pressed their bodies closely together.
He was on fire ... and as his erection pressed against Kirk's hard flesh, he knew
what they both needed.
"Come," Kirk said, as he took Vorik by the hand once more and led him into the
bedroom. They quickly undressed and lay down on the large bed. "Let me show
you how I made him feel," he went on, as he explored Vorik's body with his
hands and mouth.
Vorik was lost in the sensations he was feeling. He suddenly knew where Spock
had learned some of his lovemaking techniques ... and was hard pressed to keep
himself from losing all control.
As Kirk used his hands and tongue to explore his body, Vorik did the same. He
had never been with a human before and was fascinated by the coolness of the
skin. This was not the Kirk of his dream the night before, but he was still in
remarkable shape ... and far more experienced than Vorik's imagination could
ever dream up.
The tension was building in his groin. By this time, they had explored every inch
of each other, with the exception of each others erections. It was time ... Kirk's
hard shaft was in Vorik's face, and vice-versa. Although there was no meld
involved, they acted as one ... as if their minds were in perfect sync.
Tentatively, Vorik ran his fingers along the length of the shaft in front of him.
The flesh jumped and stiffened ... he could see the reddish head throbbing to the
pulse-beat of his companion. He could feel his own cock responding to the same
light stimulation from Kirk.
The light touch was excruciating ... he needed more ... he needed to feel the
frisson of sliding into a tight opening ... of penetrating his lover completely ... of
release.
He knew Kirk must be feeling the same. As he firmly grabbed the base of Kirk's
cock, he thrust his hips forward, pushing himself deep into the waiting mouth.
Kirk did the same ... thrusting ever deeper into each other, their climax was
imminent. In seconds, the spasm overtook them, as they shared their mutual
release.
**********
As Vorik's time in the holodeck came to an end, he thanked Kirk for his help.
After a moment of awkwardness and uncertainty, he said, "I know that I will still
miss him ... but, thanks to you, I can now understand why I could not replace
*you* in his life."
"Vorik, don't lose hope. It is the one thing you must always hold on to." He came
up to Vorik then, and took him by the shoulders, saying, "find someone to be
with. Whether it's for a little while, or forever ... it doesn't matter. Just find
someone to share your life with." He hugged the young Vulcan, then released
him, saying, "and as far as Spock is concerned, remember ... you *may* find a
way home sooner than you think. Your Captain is resourceful ... she wouldn't be
a Starfleet Captain if she weren't ... and if there's a way, she will find it. When
she does, Spock will be there ... don't let him brood ... don't let him push you
away. Make him live life to its fullest ... and if he won't listen to you, tell him *I*
said so!"
"Thank you, Jim ... for everything." As he stepped back, he took one final look at
James T. Kirk, and knew that his life would never be the same.
"Computer ... end program."