Title: Letting Go

Author: T'Lin

Web Page: http://www.oocities.org/tlin_s/

Fandom: CSI

Genre: hetero

Pairing/Characters: Gil Grissom/Lady Heather

Rating: FRM

Summary: Grissom helps Lady Heather deal with the loss of her daughter. This story follows immediately after "Pirates of the Third Reich".

Warnings: Contains spoilers for "Pirates of the Third Reich"

Notes: This is my very first attempt at writing CSI fic ... I hope I got it right. Comments welcome.

LETTING GO

by T'Lin -- 12 February, 2006

"Heather ... I'm saying stop," Grissom said in a commanding tone, as he firmly held onto the whip, slowly pulling her toward him in his desperation to make her stop flogging the man who was responsible for her daughter's death. Eventually, his command registered through her rage, and she allowed herself to move toward him ... tears flowing down her cheeks in her anguish.

He held her like this for some time, then whispered, "You can let it all go." He could feel the tension ease from her, as she submitted to his will. She had allowed rage to overcome reason; his command brought her back to herself. As her tears silently fell, Grissom's eyes fell on her victim, knowing that he should call for help, but reluctant to do so.

There was no denying what she had intended to do to the man ... and had he not arrived when he had, she would have succeeded. But Sneller would live ... for good or bad ... and Grissom would do everything in his power to help Heather get through this ordeal.

***

Heather sat in Grissom's Tahoe, curiously composed, while the paramedics and police cleared the scene. To all outward appearances, she was unaffected by what was happening around her ... but Grissom knew better. He could see the tension in her eyes that spoke volumes about the level of rage still coursing through her. Unfortunately, only time could heal her pain.

Sneller was taken to the hospital. Once he was treated for his wounds, he would be arrested for the murder of his brother, Zoe Kessler, and several others who had been part of his unorthodox experimentation. Although Sneller had not, at this time, pressed assault charges against Heather, Brass wanted to arrest her, as well. He said as much to Grissom, who uncharacteristically argued against it, despite what the evidence said. Brass accused him of being too personally involved. Grissom could not deny it ... in the end, he agreed to bring Heather into the station, where she could be questioned. For now, she would not be arrested. He was convinced that the DA would take the circumstances into consideration, and see them as justification for her attack of Sneller.

Grissom got into the Tahoe, slipped the key in the ignition, but did not start the engine. Turning to face Heather, he said quietly, "Brass wants me to take you to the station ... he has some questions for you."

"I am surprised he did not arrest me," she said as quietly, not looking at him.

"He wanted to," Grissom said, lifting his hand to her cheek. As she turned to face him, he continued, "I wouldn't let him."

"Why not?" she asked, "I assaulted the man ... with the intent of killing him."

"I know," was all he could reply.

Turning away, he started the engine, and began to drive toward the city. The silence continued for several miles, Grissom occasionally looking out of the corner of his eye to see her staring straight ahead ... he doubted she was seeing anything in front of her. He wondered where her mind was ... if he should break the silence, or allow her time to think.

Before he made a decision, however, she said, "I was so proud of her, when she went to Harvard. How could everything ..." she trailed off, the rest of her question unasked, as the tears began to flow once more.

Grissom reached out and took one of her hands in his, giving it a gentle squeeze, as he said, "Sometimes there are no easy answers." He had been debating with himself over divulging information to her about the case ... if he told her what he knew about her daughter, it could give her hope. But it could also cause her more pain, in the end.

As he pulled into the precinct's parking lot, he turned to look at her, and decided that now was not the time to tell her that her daughter had in fact given birth. He needed to do some digging ... find out if the child survived, and if so, where it was. Only then would he divulge this information to her.

His decision made, he turned to Heather, asking, "Brass is waiting ... are you ready?"

She turned to face him, once again composed, and replied, "Yes. Will you come in with me?"

"Of course," he replied, then added with a sad smile, "although Brass may wish to question you alone. I was a witness ..."

"Yes, you were," she said, as she lifted her hand to touch Grissom's cheek. "I understand your job must come before ..."

Grissom cut her off, saying, "Heather, I've already given a statement, and did not deny what I saw ... but know that I *will* defend your actions." He noted the surprise in her eyes, as his words registered, and he continued, "Given the circumstances, part of me wanted to let you continue. It pains me to admit it, but it is true, and I thought you should know."

"I appreciate your candor," she said, and then quickly turned away, letting herself out of the Tahoe. Grissom quickly followed, and soon they were in the interrogation room awaiting Brass' arrival.

***

Fifteen minutes later, Brass arrived. "Grissom," he said, "I don't think it's appropriate for you to be here, do you?"

"Heather asked me to be," Grissom replied, then added, "you already have my statement from the scene; unless she's been charged with assault, you have no reason to exclude me from this round of questioning." When Brass just stared at him, he continued, "She hasn't been charged, has she?"

"No ... as a matter of fact," Brass replied, "Sneller has said that he will not be pressing charges."

"Then why are we here?" Heather asked.

"I thought you'd like to know that we have gone through Sneller's journals," Brass said, but was interrupted by Grissom.

"Jim," he said with a scowl, "may I have a word with you?" A look passed between them, and Brass relented. The two men stepped outside of the interrogation room, and Grissom quietly lit into his colleague, "Please tell me that you were not about to tell her about her daughter's child."

"Yes, I was ... she should know she has a granddaughter out there, Gil," Brass said.

"Not until we know more," Grissom said, then added, "it would be cruel to get her hopes up, only to dash them with the news that the child didn't survive ... or god forbid, was another subject for Sneller's experiments."

Obviously, that last thought had not occurred to Brass. "My god, you're right," he said, as the implications set in. After a moment, he said, "Well, I need to tell her something."

"Tell her that you'll provide her with a full report about what happened to her daughter, once all of the information can be analyzed," Grissom said, "if you give her a promise of some sort of closure, it should help."

Brass agreed, and they returned to the interrogation room. Turning his attention to Heather, he said, as he sat on the corner of the table, "Sneller kept meticulous notes on all of his experiments. Once our criminalists have finished analyzing them, I will provide you with as much information as possible about your daughter's case." He took her hand in his as he added, "It won't bring her back to you, but it may help give you closure."

"I appreciate that, Captain," She said, then asked, "may I leave, now? I'm tired, and I have funeral arrangements to make."

"Yes, of course," he said, then gave Gil a look, as he added, "I'll be in touch."

"Thank you," she said, then stood and left the room.

Grissom followed silently, knowing that she would need a ride, since her car was towed to the impound lot, and was being processed. She went directly to his Tahoe, and once inside the vehicle, she asked, "What are you keeping from me?"

Grissom looked at her, determination in his voice, as he replied, "Believe me when I say that I don't intend to keep anything from you."

"But you are," she said. It was not an accusation, just a statement of fact, and he knew it. When he did not reply, she asked, "Is it a matter of your not being able to trust me?"

Grissom took her hands in his, and looked her square in the eyes, as he said, "I trust you explicitly," and after a moments hesitation, he added, "I just don't want to cause you more pain." He could see her uncertainty, thinking back on their past affiliation, and the pain he had inadvertently caused her. She had said that he had forfeited the right to give her advice ... had he also forfeited the right to console her in her time of need?

"Can you trust me?" he asked, seeing the answer in her eyes, but needing her to say the words to his face.

"Yes," she said quietly, "I think I can, although it is difficult."

"Thank you," he said, then letting go of her hands, he started the engine, asking, "Shall I take you home?"

"Yes, please," she said, "as I assume I will not be able to get my car for some time."

"Perhaps a day or two," he confirmed. "I'll see that it is expedited as quickly as possible."

"I appreciate that," she said with a sad smile. There was no need to tell him where she lived ... he had been there before. When they arrived at her house, which was also her place of business, he was surprised to see that it was dark and quiet. At his quizzical look, she said, "When I saw Zoe's picture on the news, I felt it was appropriate ..."

"I understand," Grissom said, not needing her to explain further. He automatically got out of the vehicle and followed her to the door, accepting her unspoken invitation. For some time now, he had felt desire for the dominatrix, but purposefully kept his distance from her, telling himself that it was the safe thing to do. But suddenly, he didn't see the powerful dominatrix standing before him ... he only saw a vulnerable woman, who needed the support of a friend. As the door closed behind him, he gave in to his desire, and pulled her into his arms, kissing her with a desperation born of need and frustration, feeling her respond in kind.

As she guided him toward the stairs leading to her bedchamber, his phone rang. With a muffled curse, he pulled away, and answered, "Grissom," then listened for a moment before he said, "OK ... I'll be there in ten minutes," and he hung up. Turning back to Heather, he caressed her cheek as he said, "I'm sorry, but I have to go."

"Will you come back?" she asked, the uncertainty in her voice nearly breaking his heart.

"Yes, I promise," he said as he kissed her once again before walking out her door. Hopefully, he would have some good news for her, when he did.

***

Grissom arrived at the lab to find Nick waiting for him in his office. "What have you got for me?" he asked, as he sat on the corner of his desk.

"Good news, I hope," he said, as he handed Grissom a file folder. As Grissom opened the folder, he added, "Catherine's on the phone right now ... she should be here in a minute."

Just then, the door opened, and she walked in. At the unasked question from her colleagues, she said, "Good news, and bad." She took a seat, and continued, "Zoe's daughter was put up for adoption in Boston. The agency will confirm that she is in a good home, and thriving, but it was a closed adoption ... she will not reveal who adopted her."

"Thank you," Grissom said, "at least I can tell Heather that she is alive and well. That should give her some peace of mind."

"Yeah, that's better than never knowing," Nick said, as he stood to leave. "Well, I've got to get back to reading Sneller's journals ... man, was he ever twisted."

"Thanks Nick," Grissom said, as he clapped his friend on the back. He then turned his attention back to Catherine, saying, "I should take this to Heather ... Brass promised her complete disclosure ..."

"Go," Catherine said, adding with a smile, "I'll make sure you're undisturbed for the rest of the shift."

Grissom blushed ... he forgot how easily Catherine could read him at times. "Thanks," he whispered, as she stood and kissed him on the cheek before leaving his office. He sat there for a minute, looking over the file ... he wanted to make sure there was nothing in it that would be too disturbing. He shuddered as he read over the details of the torture Zoe had been subjected to, but knew that Heather could handle the truth ... he owed that much to her.

He returned to her house little more than an hour after he left. She smiled slightly as she answered the door, but kept her distance, as she said, "You're back sooner than I thought. Come in ... would you like some tea?"

He followed her into the sitting room, where they had shared tea once before. She left him there, and returned a minute later with a freshly brewed pot of tea. He accepted the offered cup, and waited for her to pour one for herself before handing her the file folder.

"What is this?" she asked, looking at him, and not the folder.

"It's the report Brass promised you," he replied.

She looked surprised, and said, "That was quick," and started to open the file.

Grissom put his hand over hers, preventing her from opening it just yet, as he said, "My people had been working on compiling it long before Brass promised you a copy. I've read through it, and it is quite disturbing," he said, as he saw her shudder, he added, "but before you open it, I have something I need to tell you."

"Is this what you kept from me before?" she asked, somehow knowing it was.

"Yes," he said, "it's about your daughter's child." He could see the spark of hope in Heather's eyes, and was glad he was able to give her some good news amidst the bad. "Zoe gave birth to a baby girl on June 3rd ... the child was put up for adoption in Boston. From what we have been able to determine, she is in a good home, and is thriving."

"But I'll never see her," Heather added, understanding how these things worked.

"No, I'm afraid not," Grissom replied, "I wish ..."

"There is no need to apologize," she said, taking his hand in hers, "I looked into adoption when I first discovered that I was pregnant with Zoe. At least I know that part of her lives still ..." but she said no more, as her tears began to flow once again.

"Come here," Grissom said as he gently pulled on her hands. She obeyed by falling to her knees beside his chair, her head falling onto his knees. He ran his fingers through her hair, and urged her to look at him by lifting her chin with his finger. The look in her eyes made him melt ... he slipped from the chair to join her on the floor ... pulled her into his arms, and kissed her passionately.

Pulling away for a moment, she whispered, "I need you ... I need you to make me feel again."

Grissom stood, and pulled her to her feet. "I'll do my best," he said with a smile, as he took her hand and made his way to her bedchamber. He wouldn't submit to her ... nor dominate her ... he would simply make love to her, and hope that it was enough.

~the end~