The first few month of this five-year mission had passed in a bit of a blur. The grand adventure they had set out on had resulted in the death of one of James T. Kirk's closest friends; a loss he feared he would have difficulty overcoming, for he and Gary Mitchell had been more than simply friends ... much more. Gary -- smiling and full of fun ... always playing jokes, and getting into mischief; intuitive and quick to make judgments ... sometimes to his detriment; loving and selfless ... especially when it came to sex. They had been inseparable since they first met at the Academy.
Yet three months after his death, Kirk found himself being drawn to another ... someone who was, in every sense of the word, the opposite of Gary -- Spock, his half human/half Vulcan First Officer and Science Officer. Spock was dark and sullen, feigning lack of understanding when anything remotely resembling a joke was uttered in his presence; brilliant, yet unwilling to make assessments without intrinsic proof of all the facts; cold and distant ... claiming that all emotions were alien to him.
For Kirk, there was no denying the physical attraction. Even Gary had commented on it ... after all, Spock was an exquisite example of male beauty. Tall and thin, with a grace that many a dancer would envy. But there had been friction between them from the first ... a friction that had thankfully dissipated as time passed, so that now, he considered Spock a friend.
Whether Spock felt the same way was known only to Spock, and was bound to remain that way, as Kirk knew it would be a mistake to try and pursue a relationship with the aloof Vulcan. Nonetheless, there was no crime in allowing his mind to wander, as he made his way to the rec room, where he would enjoy the pre-holiday concert that Lieutenant Uhura had organized as a means to ease the homesickness of some of the crew.
To many aboard, this was the first holiday season away from Earth and family, and Kirk was determined to keep morale high by reminding everyone aboard that *this* was their home, and the entire crew was their family. Participation in holiday events was strictly optional, as not everyone aboard celebrated the season in the same way, yet most of the crew seemed to be taking part, regardless of their background, or place of origin. Nearly all of the crew participated in the Thanksgiving feast just over two weeks ago, apparently for the meaning behind the feast more than the historic nature of the holiday.
And from what Uhura had told him, when she requested permission to organize a series of holiday concerts, the same would be true for the end of the year when on Earth, people celebrated the solstice, as well as the holidays of Christmas, Chanukah, and Kwanza. Kirk didn't hesitate to give her permission.
Tonight was the first of these concerts. And as Kirk entered the rec room, he had not been surprised to see that the room was packed ... nor that Spock was absent. As much as he would have liked to sit there, enjoying the music with Spock by his side, he hadn't expected him to be there ... undoubtedly, he was in the science lab, or in his cabin meditating ... or doing any number of things he would normally do on his off-shifts.
Kirk took his seat in the front row, beside Doctor McCoy, just as the lights dimmed, and the curtain rose ... revealing Spock, playing his Vulcan harp. It took Kirk a moment to recognize the song, as the sight of his Vulcan First Officer on the stage caught him completely by surprise. But the familiar tune, played so skillfully on such an alien instrument, floated out over the room, in anticipation of Uhura's arrival.
When she joined him on stage, and began to sing, he skillfully played a counter melody of another familiar tune, mesmerizing everyone in the room. And Kirk sat there, transfixed by the thought of those skilled fingers playing over his flesh ... and as his body reacted to this thought, his eyes locked with Spock's, and he swore he saw a flash of desire in the black eyes of the Vulcan.
"In what way?" McCoy asked, already surmising that his long-time friend was developing feelings for the Vulcan, but wondering if he'd admit it ... or if he was even aware of it himself.
Kirk gestured toward the stage, saying, "In every way," and seeing that McCoy needed more of an answer, he continued, "the way he plays ... its ... " but he couldn't put his thoughts into words.
"Jim, you've heard him play before," McCoy said, wondering what it was about tonight's performance that had Jim so ... befuddled.
"I know," he agreed, then turned slightly in his chair to make his words more private, as he continued, "but there was something more ... emotional ... about the way he played tonight." Kirk paused, then shook his head slightly as he added, "perhaps it's just me ... and the fact that I *know* this music ... maybe I'm putting my own emotional spin on things ... but I don't know ..."
"Well, if it's any consolation to you," McCoy said as he once again stood up to leave, "I could have sworn I saw a tear in his eye as he finished 'Silent Night'."
Kirk sat there a moment longer, as McCoy walked away. He had thought he had seen a tear, as well ... but if McCoy had seen it, perhaps it had been real. And if the tear had been real ... then perhaps ...
But Kirk stopped that particular train of thought as he saw Uhura step out from the makeshift backstage area, Spock close behind. She had been magnificently dressed in a gown of deep red which showed off her voluptuous body to perfection. But as they approached, Kirk seemed to only have eyes for Spock, who was dressed in slim black pants, and a tunic of the darkest green, which set off his features wonderfully.
Once again, their eyes locked, and something passed between them ... for a split second, Kirk felt as if their minds were connected in a meld. But at the exact moment that he felt himself falling into Spock's gaze, Uhura asked, "Did you enjoy the concert, Captain?"
He quickly turned to face her, as he said, "Yes, it was lovely ... you certainly know how to get everyone in the holiday spirit. I look forward to the next concert," and then he gave her a hug before she left, and he turned to Spock adding, "and Mister Spock, you surprise me."
"In what way, Captain?" Spock said with a slightly raised brow as the two of them also left the rec room.
Kirk smiled at the sense of deja vu he was suddenly experiencing. But instead of the vague answer he gave McCoy, Kirk said, "With your skill at playing the harp. I must admit, after hearing you play in the past, I would never have expected to hear such familiar tunes coming from it."
"I see," Spock said, then he went on to explain, "it is true that Vulcan music has completely different tonal qualities from Human music," and Spock hesitated for a moment, before continuing, "but it is all mathematical, and once I learned the formula for the human form, it was easy to adapt the instrument to fit the form."
"Well, I appreciate your effort," Kirk said, then after a pause, added with some hesitation, "and mind, I'm not complaining, but it seems like a lot of work for one concert. Especially considering I know there are others who could have accompanied Nyota, if she had asked."
"Quite true," Spock agreed, "but she did not ask me to accompany her ... I asked *her* to sing with me." As he said this, they had arrived at his cabin, and he continued, "If you would care to come in, I will explain."
"By all means, Spock," Kirk said, following Spock into the dimly lit room. The room, like its occupant, surprised him, for he had expected stark efficiency with no personality...yet on one wall he saw displayed a collection of weapons, the like of which he had never seen before. On another, an equally impressive collection of musical instruments, or so Kirk presumed them to be, as Spock replaced his harp in a place of honor in their midst.
As he took in his surroundings, his musing was interrupted by Spock as he quietly asked, "May I offer you a brandy, Captain?"
"Brandy, Spock? You're full of surprises tonight," Kirk said with a smile, adding quickly, "yes, I'd love some."
Spock could see the question that was in his Captain's eyes, so said, "Captain Pike and I would occasionally enjoy a drink in the evening, as we discussed the crew efficiency reports...this bottle was a gift from him when he left," and as he handed the snifter to Kirk, he added, "with instructions that I should share it with my new C.O."
Kirk swirled the amber liquid around in his snifter, then lifted his glass to Spock, saying, "To Christopher Pike," as he took a drink.
There was a trace of sadness in Spock's eyes, as he lifted his own glass and took a small sip, before he added, "Please, have a seat, Captain, and I will endeavor to explain why I asked Ms. Uhura to sing with me this evening."
There was a small table off to one side of the room, with two chairs...as Kirk sat in one, he said with a smile, "We are off duty, Spock...call me Jim."
Spock raised a brow...during the concert, he had sworn that there had been a spark of *interest* in Kirk's eyes, and now, the smile that accompanied the invitation to a more intimate relationship between the two seemed to confirm his earlier assessment. But Spock was hesitant...after all, he had misread similar situations with Pike.
Shaking off his uncertainty over this man, he focused his mind on his original intent in asking him to his cabin. "You are aware, of course, that I am half human, and that I was raised on Vulcan, as a Vulcan." Seeing the affirmative gesture Kirk gave, he continued, "Life on Vulcan is quite harsh, and difficult for those not born to it. My mother has done an admirable job of coping with the harsh nature of her chosen home, and has grown quite fond of it, from all accounts. However, there was a time in her life, when my father was off world for an extended period, that she chose to return to Earth for a time."
"How old were you, Spock?" Kirk asked.
Spock raised his brow again, surprised to realize how well this man could read him. "I was nearly ten Earth years old. We lived in Boston for just over two years, with my mother's sister and her family." Here he paused for a moment, taking a sip of his brandy before continuing, "It was in Boston that I first heard a live performance of a symphony orchestra. Hearing the music, and actually *seeing* it performed...I was totally mesmerized by it."
Kirk smiled, fully enjoying the play of emotions that crossed Spock's face as he talked about the music...there was such passion in his words, and Kirk felt honored that Spock was allowing him to see so much of his inner self in this quiet moment between friends.
Spock continued, "I had been taking lessons on the harp for nearly five years at that point, so the mathematical principles of music were quite familiar to me, but *this* music was so different...the instruments unfamiliar...I was fascinated." Suddenly Spock hesitated, and there was a slight smile on his lips as he looked at Kirk, continuing, "My mother always encouraged me to freely express my emotions...especially when it came to music. And for the two years we lived in Boston, without my father or any other Vulcan to disapprove, I indulged myself. I took piano lessons, and music theory. We would go to the Symphony, and the Ballet, and the Opera. Music became my life."
But Kirk noticed the sadness in Spock's eyes as he stopped talking, and said, "But you didn't stay on Earth."
"No, we did not, and my...*obsession* with music was set aside, out of necessity," Spock replied with a bit of hesitation, then added almost as an after thought, "although I doubt my situation would be any different now..." and his words trailed off.
Sensing Spock's turmoil, he instinctively reached across the table, and laid his hand over Spock's. As their hands touched, and their eyes met, a warmth pulsed over Kirk...the arousal he felt earlier returned. He could see that Spock was feeling it, too, but without comment, Spock pulled his hand away, as he said, "Forgive me, I did not intend to burden..."
But Kirk interrupted, "There is nothing to forgive. Am I correct in assuming that your father had plans for you that did not include music?"
"You are correct, Jim...nor did they include Starfleet," Spock replied, adding, "my father and I have been estranged since I left home to attend the Academy."
"And your mother?" Kirk asked, sensing where this conversation was heading.
"Although we are still on speaking terms, she must be discreet...if my father were to learn of our communications..."
"I see," Kirk said with a sigh.
"I send her letters, through her sister," Spock admitted, adding, "but it has been months since I have spoken to her. I will be sending her a recording of tonight's concert."
"So, it was for *her* that you learned how to play Christmas carols on your harp...and it was for her that you played them tonight," Kirk said.
"Not just for her," Spock replied, adding with a slight smile, "it was also for myself...and for all aboard who are feeling alone and disconnected from their families."
"There's no need to feel alone, Spock," Kirk said with a smile, as he reached out to take Spock's hand once more. He allowed the warmth of their connection to flow over him, as he looked into Spock's eyes once more.
"Jim," Spock said, his voice betraying his emotions, as Kirk's intentions were made clear to him through the physical contact "I would be honored if you would let me call you t'hy'la."
"T'hy'la?" Kirk asked, unfamiliar with the word.
"Yes," Spock said, then explained, "t'hy'la - it is difficult to translate, as there is no exact word in English that matches. Brother/friend/lover/soul-mate --none of these things, and all of them."
"Yes, I think I know what you're trying to say," agreed Kirk with a smile, as he gave Spock's fingers a gentle squeeze, "and I would be honored to be called t'hy'la." And with that, Kirk stood, still holding Spock's hand. "It is getting late," he said, as he reluctantly let go.
"Indeed, it is, Jim...but you do not need to leave," Spock said as he too rose to his feet, then tentatively reached out to brush a stray lock of hair out of Kirk's eyes. He had wanted to do that all night, and as his fingers brushed Jim's face, he felt himself being drawn to him.
As their lips touched, he gasped...the contact like nothing he had ever experienced before. And although he felt no stirring in his loins -- for he had still not reached his sexual awakening, and possibly never would -- at *this* moment, that did not matter...there were multiple ways to satisfy Jim's needs, thereby fulfilling his own desire for contact...and yes, for love.
~the beginning