REJUVINATION OF THE SOUL

Amanda was quite frail, lying as she was amid the soft cushions of her bed. He hadn't realized until that moment just how petite she was, and found himself marveling at the strength she had always possessed...even now, he realized, as she took hold of his hand, as he sat on the edge of her bed.

Sarek had left the room as Spock entered, giving mother and son some privacy for this -- their last -- reunion. A reunion that Sarek knew would be full of emotion, on both their parts. He would not begrudge his son his tears, which he knew would fall unbidden, for Spock had always found it difficult to keep that aspect of his nature under control whenever he saw his mother cry. In this instance, the cause was sufficient -- Sarek would have joined his son in his weeping, if he were physically able to do so.

"Spock, you have come," she said in a voice that was merely a whisper, but her grip on his hand was as strong as ever, as she gave his fingers a gentle squeeze. "I've been so worried about you...are you well?"

"Yes mother, I am well," and with a slight smile, he added, "and worry is illogical."

"So you and your father continuously remind me," she said, as tears began to flow from her smiling eyes. She pulled his fingers to her lips and kissed them tenderly, as she said, "but I worry nonetheless. Especially now, when there is so much I need to tell you...that I should have told you..."

"Mother..."

"No, Spock, let me continue," she said. "There is much I need to say, but first, I must know...have you seen Jim Kirk lately?"

"The Admiral and I have had a number of meetings over the past year," Spock said, wondering where this conversation was heading. "As you know, we are both instructors at Starfleet Academy...our paths cross frequently."

"Yes, I assumed as much. But Spock, do you ever see him...socially?" She watched as his brow rose. The puzzlement in his eyes made her smile sadly, before she continued, "I ask because...well, before your ordeal on Genesis, you and Jim were...close..."

Yes, I have read the records of our service together...and he has said that we were friends, but I have no clear recollection of our history beyond what I have read," Spock said, as he let go of her hand, not sure how much of his inner turmoil over this situation she would sense through his touch.

"I know," she said, and watched him closely before she continued, "the healers were able to re-teach you all those things that were purely academic in nature...but your memory," she paused, not wanting to offend him with her words, "your emotional memory, for lack of a better term...that was something that they could not restore. It was hoped that, as you reacquainted yourself with those who were closest to you, you would reconnect with them...regain everything else that you had lost..."

"Mother, it has been two-point-seven years since I was restored," Spock said, an unasked question in his eyes.

"Yes, it has been," she agreed, reaching out to take his hand once again. "The healers had instructed everyone involved in your case to allow them to re-educate you...that any interference could be detrimental to your overall well being. Through you, they sensed strong emotional ties to many of your colleagues, but as an un-bonded male...well, they presumed that none of the emotional ties were important enough to re-establish. There was no record of your bond to Jim..."

"What makes you think that there was a bond?" Spock asked, knowing that his mother would not make such a presumption without something to base it on.

"Your father joined minds with Jim, assuming that..." but her emotions nearly overwhelmed her. After a moment to compose herself, she continued, "Sarek saw, in Jim's mind, the deep connection the two of you shared. He did not realize the significance of what he saw in Jim's mind until recently...and for that, we are both sorry. Had I known, I would have insisted on telling you sooner..."

"But why...?" Spock began, but his mother gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

"That's a question you'll have to ask Jim, I'm afraid," she said, and with a sigh, she closed her eyes, adding, "we'll talk more about this later, Spock."

Spock watched her sleep, lost in thought.

So, to give his mind time to process the change, he decided to go by train. Mind you, the ancient-looking locomotive that sat belching steam in front of him was hardly the bone-rattling contraption it appeared to be. It was, in fact, a 24th Century re-creation of the original Transcontinental Railway...all the modern convenience of anti-grav technology hidden behind a facade of antiquity. His trip would take only a few hours, as the landscape went by in a bit of a blur, but it would give him time to 'distance' himself from the existence he had come to loathe over the past year or so.

Time to reflect on his decisions...especially where Spock was concerned.

He had agreed to let he healers do their job without interference...and Kirk had to admit, he had regained all his knowledge in a remarkably short time, all things considered. But his memories and life experiences...the spark-of-life that made Spock, Spock!...that was still missing, and Kirk was at a loss as to how to get it back after all this time.

All he knew was that he could not go on any longer as things were. Seeing Spock all the time, yet never being able to touch him...really be with him...it was tearing him apart. At times, he thinks it would have been better for Spock to have truly died, than to have been revived in this incomplete form.

Well, better for him, at least...he somehow doubted that Spock would agree. After all, he seems to be happy -- or at least, content -- in the life he now has.

Happy or not, Kirk had only two options, as far as he could see. One -- resign from Starfleet, and find some secluded place where he could forget all about Spock, and start over. Maybe get the farm up and running again, raising horses for the fun of it...anything to get his mind off of Spock. Or two -- forget about everything the healers told him, and confront Spock. Tell him everything about their past together, and see what would happen. He knew all the risks...hell, he had been told over and over how too much emotional stimulation could overwhelm the delicate balance that they had been maintaining since the re-fusion...but it's been over two years now, and Kirk had had enough.

And so it was that he had made up his mind to confront Spock, as the train pulled into the station just outside of Riverside, Iowa. As he gathered his travel bag, and started to walk the mile and a half to the farm, he composed a letter to Spock in his head, inviting him to join him on the farm, as soon as he got back from his current assignment.

But all thoughts of what he would say to Spock once he arrived -- if he arrived - - disappeared as he approached his front door, and saw the huddled form sitting on the steps -- it was Spock, wrapped in a long black cloak, shivering in the cold.

The house was remarkably warm, as Kirk had had the forethought to call ahead, and let the caretaker know he was expected, and would be spending a couple of weeks here. The heat was on, and the linens were fresh...and there was even fresh food in the pantry. But all of that could wait, as he needed to warm Spock, and quickly. He had no idea how long Spock had been sitting out there, on his steps, but the near-freezing temperature which he had found invigorating could be deadly, in the long-run, to the Vulcan.

In any case, he put Spock down on the sofa, and grabbed the quilt off of a nearby stand, and wrapped him in it. Turning, he considered lighting a fire, which was already laid out in the grate, but then had a better idea.

"Spock, can you hear me?" he asked again, as he took hold of Spock's face with his cupped hands, and gently blew warm air over his closed eyes. As he felt a slight nod of Spock's head, and a small sigh escaped from his lips, he smiled, "Good. We'll have you warm in no time," he said, then stood, and whispered, "I'll be right back."

He ran to the upstairs bathroom, and began to fill the tub. It was a large tub, with swirling jet's, and built-in seats, for optimum relaxation. The perfect place to get Spock's body temperature back to normal.

As the tub filled with hot water, he ran back down to get Spock. He was pleased to see that his color was returning to normal...but the shivering was worse than ever. "Come on," he urged, as he helped Spock to his feet, "I've got a nice hot tub ready for you upstairs."

"Jim," Spock croaked out through clenched teeth.

"Sh...don't try to talk just yet," Kirk said, as he helped Spock slowly up the stairs. "Let's get you warm, and then you can explain to me why you didn't break in, instead of sitting out their freezing to death." But of course, even more important than an explanation as to why he didn't break in was why he was there in the first place! Not that Kirk was complaining, mind you, but it was very out of character for Spock...especially now.

Those questions could wait, however. Now, he had to get Spock undressed, and in the tub. Kicking off his own shoes, he said, "Come on, Spock, let's get you our of those freezing clothes, and into this hot tub." He unfastened the hooks of the cloak, and discovered Spock was in his dress uniform, a black armband denoting that he had been to a funeral. He looked into the dark eyes, and saw the grief there, and asked, "Your mother?"

"Yes," was his only reply, as tears flowed from his eyes. Jim pulled him close, offering what comfort he could give, although knowing nothing would ease his friends pain but time. And he would have continued to hold him like this for hours, if need be, but the shivering seemed to intensify, and remind him of the more immediate task at hand -- restoring Spock's core temperature to something a bit closer to normal for him.

Somehow, he managed to remove the uniform, and his own clothing, and maneuver them both into the tub. He sat back against one of the seats, pulling Spock into his lap like a child. As he cradled him in his arms, he felt the shaking slowly subside.

And in the next two weeks, their plans for a future together were forged. It was time for a new beginning for both of them. A new life, where they could always be together.

And so it came to pass that Admiral James T. Kirk, and Captain Spock of Vulcan both submitted their letters of resignation from the fleet, effective immediately. The top brass tried, quite unsuccessfully, to get them, as well as a few other high-ranking officers from the original Enterprise, to take part in the launch of the Enterprise 1701-B, but even a ship as grand as that wasn't enough to get them to leave the quiet life they had made for themselves...which in the end was a good thing, as that ship, and all hands, were lost.

And as the tune came to it's conclusion, he replaced his harp on the wall, and crossed to where his t'hy'la sat. "We had only known each other a few months," he said, as he pulled Jim into his harms, and began to caress him, as if her were a harp, "and as I played, you envisioned my fingers playing on your flesh...like this."

"How did you know?" Jim asked, having never told that particular fantasy to anyone.

"It was in your eyes, as you watched me that night," he said, "How I ever forgot that look...and so many others..."

Jim turned within Spock's arms, and kissed him. Words were unnecessary at moments like this. Everything that needed to be said could pass between them in a thought.

And so it went, for the rest of their long lives.