Part Fifteen: The New Member


How much longer must this go on, she thought wearily. I don't think I can take too much more of this... why is it the guys get to enjoy the dance, while I have to pay the piper? Her thoughts were interrupted by another wave of pain.

"How are you doin', babe?" Raphael's voice.

She opened her eyes and growled with annoyance at him.

"That good, huh?" He grinned at her. "Thought maybe you passed out, or something."

"Not funny... not funny..." she moaned. "Don't try to jolly me, you big... goon!" She paused until the pain subsided. "You got me into this mess, and all you can do is laugh at me!"

Raphael's face came close to hers. "Hey... I'm sorry. If I could, I'd share your pain."

"What do you know about pain," she managed to say, gritting her teeth.

"Not much. Never gave birth to a kid before." He put his arms around her in a comforting embrace. "You're the expert."

"Yeah, right," she muttered. She breathed deeply, doing her best to relax against the waves that sought to crush her. All she could do was breathe... nothing else mattered any more.

How much longer must this go on, she thought wearily. I don't think I can take too much more of this... why is it the guys get to enjoy the dance, while I have to pay the piper? Didn't she just think these same thoughts a moment ago? Or was this the first time? She couldn't remember... her thoughts were interrupted by another wave of pain. There seemed to be an awful lot of noise, why can't people be more considerate? Raphael was talking quietly in her ear, but all she could hear was the blood pounding in her ears, she couldn't understand what he was saying. She couldn't remember much after that...

She dreamed of cats, dozens of them, that followed her down a dark, deserted city street, meowing insistently, in spite of all she did for them.

"Quiet," she said to them. "What do you want? Haven't I done enough?"

"What, don't you want to have a look?"

"What, look at a cat?" She reluctantly opened her eyes.

"A cat?" Raphael laughed. "Not exactly, though he kind of sounds like one, uh?"

"He?"

Raphael sat on the edge of the bed. Rahab could see now he was holding something tightly bundled in a yellow blanket.

"A boy?" Struggling to sit up, she reached out to hold the bundle.

She looked intently into the tiny face framed by the folds of the blanket, swollen and bruised like Gaele's had been. When she undid his wraps, he writhed so strongly at the sudden exposure, he would have pushed himself out of Rahab's grasp if it hadn't been for Raphael's supporting hands under hers. The baby's mouth opened wide, and belted out one, loud, yell of protest, then his eyes opened and he squinted suspiciously up at his parents. He lay very still and silent as though deep in thought, as he looked from one face to the other.

"Look at 'im," Raphael breathed. "Isn't he something?"

"Yeah..." Rahab whispered. She looked up to see Raphael's enraptured expression.

Their eyes met a long moment, then suddenly Raphael got up and turned away from her.

She lay the baby in her lap, letting her raised knees support him. "Raph, are you okay?"

"Of course I'm okay," he said too quickly, glancing at her. "I'm just uh... I'm just a little overwhelmed, that's all." His voice faltered, and he turned away again.

"It’s okay," Rahab said. "Come here."

After a few moments Raphael knelt at her side. He leaned his head into her knee, and closed his eyes. "His name's Devon," he said quietly.

"Devon..." Rahab repeated, looking into the alert little face that nestled between her knees. "It fits him... Devon, Devon."

The baby opened his mouth and made a couple of soft hooting noises.

Raphael suddenly busted out laughing. Energized by his amusement, he got to his feet. "That kid cracks me up. He looks like he's saying to himself, 'Whoa, are these my 'rents?' "

"Rents?" Rahab grimaced in puzzlement. "You know, he looks just like you."

"Ha! He doesn't even have any armor on him, and I don't have a long squiggly tail," Raphael said, snorting.

"Oh, so what? He's going to be big, though. I bet he'll be as big as you."

"Yeah..." Raphael said softly, licking his lower lip. "I bet some day he'll whup my butt."

Rahab looked up at him. "I think you'd better go get some rest. You're getting a bit punchy."

"Punchy," Raphael muttered to himself, as he paced slowly around the room. "I'm not so tired." He stopped and looked at Rahab. "You look kinda tired, yourself."

"Thanks a lot, and I love you too," Rahab said in mild sarcasm.

"Hey..." He lowered his face close to hers. "I didn't mean anything by that." As he leaned over her, he swayed.

She frowned. "Raph, maybe you'd better sit down."

"You know that I love you by now, dontcha?"

As she began her response, she saw his eyes roll up, and his legs gave way under him. He fell against the bed and slid quietly to the floor.

"Raph?" She held the baby securely, and looked over the edge of the bed at him, sprawled on the floor. He didn't move. "Raph?"

"He'll be okay," Leo said reassuringly to Rahab after he and a few assistants dragged Raphael over to another bedroom. "He's been up too many days in a row, probably overstressed. It can happen to anybody. He just needs some sleep."

Rahab sighed gustily. "I suppose you're right, Leo, but... I'm still concerned about him. He's been getting these terrible headaches..."

"I know, Rahab. I'm aware of that. It has been a progressing problem, but I'm not sure what can be done about it, I'm not a doctor, and Raph won't see one." Leo sat in the chair next to her bed. He rubbed his face, and Rahab could see he too, was tired.

"You guys are so hard on yourselves, you all just push on and on and on... sometimes you don't stop to eat or sleep or do anything other than practice, it seems, for days on end. You know, you all are not getting any younger," she said softly.

Leo didn't respond, he stared at the floor.

"Why do you do it?"

After a few silent minutes, he directed his gaze at her face, lips curled a little in a weak grin. "What else is there?"

The next day, when Rahab was up and around, Leo brought Gaele to see her new brother. Gaele was positively fascinated with Devon, she couldn't keep her eyes off of him.

Rahab watched Leo, who was grinning at Gaele's antics.

"She's really something, isn't she," Leo said.

Rahab nodded absently, and sighed. "Yes she is."

She noticed Leo was looking at her, now, with a look of subtle concern on his face. That was Leo, in one word. Subtle. Raph had told her once, Leo was the only one out of the four of them who had remained celibate. Why, no one knew. It was his way. Leo was a great mystery, if the other brothers weren't. She could see he was still looking at her, as though he knew she was thinking of him. When their eyes met, he smiled that little childlike smile of his. "You have such beautiful children, Rahab."

She lowered her eyes. "Um, thanks. I mean, I'm glad you think so."

He laughed a little, then his smile faded into some sort of thoughtful expression. "If you truly want it, Rahab, you will find the Truth."

She stared at him. "What truth? Oh, Gaele-" She got up to prevent Gaele from lifting the unconcerned infant out of his sling by one arm. "No, honey."

"I wanna hold 'im," Gaele said, her large, golden eyes wide and pleading. "Peese?"

Rahab smiled at her. "All right, sit down in the big chair."

Gaele eagerly scrambled up into the recliner, and stretched her arms out to receive her little brother. She held him tightly, as Rahab knelt beside them to make sure Devon didn't wriggle off the edge. The infant kicked Gaele hard in the belly, making her giggle, then settled down to stare soberly at this new face.

Rahab saw Leo watching them in mild amusement. "What truth, Leo?"

Leo frowned a little, and stared up at the ceiling, as though translating his thoughts into words. "The Truth is simply what Is. No one can change it, they can only search for it."

"Search for what?"

Leo slowly let his breath out, and looked at her, as though she were an errant kindergartener who’d wandered into his lecture hall.

"Leo, I'm sorry. I meant no offense, it's just I'm trying hard to understand all of you, it might make sense to me if I knew where you all were coming from, why Raph gets so wierd and why Mike seems to resist doing anything that makes sense, and why Don acts so paranoid, and why you..." Leo glanced up at her. "Why you keep to yourself so much," she ended in a weak voice. There was something about Leo's expression, a look of some unknowable melancholy, that cut her to the heart.

When he didn't answer, she turned her attention to the children. Devon had fallen asleep again, and Gaele was busy inspecting the places between his toes. She then attempted to undo his diaper, but Rahab lifted Devon out of the chair.

"That's enough for now, honey. You can see him again tomorrow," she said to Gaele, who protested loudly. Devon woke up and squawked in reply, as Rahab put him back in his hammock. After a few minutes of this, Rahab turned to Leo in frustration.

"What in the world... why didn't Mike want to bring her himself?"

Leo gave her a noncommittal shrug. "He didn't want to come up. "

Gaele was still complaining and hanging off her arm, as Rahab tried to get Devon to go back to sleep, until she grabbed Gaele by the shoulders and shook her roughly. "Stop it, Gaele! That is enough!"

The sharpness of her voice brought silence to the room, then Gaele burst into tears. Rahab glanced at Leo, who acted as though he didn't notice the outburst. Rahab sat down on the bed, and put her face in her hands. "Why does Mike have to insist on being such a jerk?"

"Rahab, that's really not necessary."

"No?" She raised her head to glare at him.

They stared at each other for a few tense moments, then Leo lowered his eyes. "Rahab," he said at length,"I'm not going to take sides. I don't have any cut and dried solutions, and as Master Splinter has said many times, 'If one can control his environment, then let him do so with all his might. If he has no control over his environment, then let him accept it, as it is beyond his power.' "

"Yeah right... how do I know whether or not I have control over anything at all?" Rahab gently swung Devon's hammock to settle him.

"I can only relate to experience. Once, when I was quite young, I fell into a deep pit. When I got my breath back, I got up and set about to find a way to escape. I tried to climb, but the pit was too wide and too high, and the walls were too smooth to get a toehold. I fell several times before I realized I was wasting my energy. I did everything I could think of, but nothing worked within my limited knowledge. I did know enough to stop after a time, and calm myself to conserve my strength. There was some water, and I lived on insects and rodents that fell into the pit. I used what I had available to survive."

"How did you get out," Rahab asked, letting Gaele climb into her lap.

"My brothers eventually found me, and they lowered a rope."

"How long were you down there?"

"I'm not sure. It didn't seem like a long time, but my brothers said it was almost a week."

"Almost a week!" Rahab breathed. "How awful!"

Leo shrugged. "It wasn't so bad, once I accepted my situation. I knew I had done my best to get out, and could do no more. I finally accepted it as fate, something that was beyond my control. Later, after I completed my training, Master Splinter told me to face that pit again, and I did. I got out very easily, that time. He had me face every mistake I ever made, every fear, and learn to discipline my mind to overcome it. Most of the time I did, sometimes I did not, but I have learned to accept my weaknesses as well."

Rahab stared absently at Leo, until she noticed him staring back with amusement in his eyes. She shook herself. "Acceptance... you accepted your weaknesses, to overcome them in their own good time."

He suddenly leaped up from his seat and stood grinning at her. "By the gods, Rahab, I believe you have what it takes after all. Do you know how long it took for me to understand that?" He shook his head. "Never mind... all I can say is, you are one dynamite pupil."

Rahab felt her cheeks grow hot. "Leo, take it easy," she said, then smiled at him.

"Why not? It's the truth, at least as I see it." He gazed at her intently for a moment, his mouth small. "Aren't you aware of how special you are?"

She shrugged. "Well, sure, I can have kids for everybody to fight over, right?"

"Er, aside from that," Leo said. "I believe Splinter has told you this already, and I will reinforce it. You have a natural aptitude for certain things. Intuition, self awareness, a quick mind... your life force is very strong. In fact, I can feel it all the way over here."

When she heard that last statement, she looked at him curiously. "That strong, huh?"

He laughed quietly at her puzzled expression. "Well, not that strong, I was just kidding. But, it... it's impressive, just the same."

She grinned at him.

"I meant it," he said.

Next section...Rahab16