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The Fart File

It's good to know the types of farts we do day after day.

VAIN PERSON: One who loves the smell of his own fart
AMBITIOUS: Always ready for a fart
LAZY: Just fizzles
AMIABLE: Likes to smell others' farts
PROUD: Thinks his farts are exceptionally pleasant
SHY: Blushes when he farts silently
CARELESS: Farts in church
SMART ALEC: Farts when ladies are present
CLEVER: Farts and coughs at the same time
SCIENTIFIC: Bottles his farts
STINGED:: Belches to save his ass-hole
TIMID: Jumps when he farts
CONCEITED: Thinks he can fart the loudest
UNFORTUNATE: Tries to fart but shits himself
FOOLISH: Suppresses a fart for hours
BEWILDERED: Can't tell his own fart from others
NERVOUS: Stops in the middle of a fart
MISERABLE: Can't fart at all
CONFUSED: Face is so much like an ass, fart can't tell which way to go
GROUCH: Grumbles when ladies fart
SNEAKY: Farts and blames it on the dog
DISSAPOINTED: Fart doesn't smell
CHILDISH: Farts and then giggles
FRESH GUY: Jumps in front of you and then farts
BIG BULLY: Farts louder than others
DUMB: Enjoys other farts, thinks they are his own
CUTE: Smells your farts and then tells you what you were eating
WISE GUY: Farts and asks who shit
DAMNED MEAN: Farts and then pulls the covers over his wife's head
MUSICAL: Tenor or Base, Clear as a bell, smells like shit and sounds like hell
ATHLETIC: Jumps in the air, farts 3 times, and kicks his heels 3 times
SLOB: Farts and stains his underwear
IMPUDENT: Farts out aloud and then laughs
ENVIRONMENTALIST: Farts regularly but is concerned about the pollution
HONEST: Admits he farted but offers a good medical reason
DISHONEST: Farts and then blames the dog
THRIFTY: One who always has farts in reserve
ANTI-SOCIAL: Excuses himself and farts in private
STRATEGIC: Conceals his fart by loud laughter
INTELLECTUAL: Can determine the smell of his neighbours' fart
WHIMPY: Farts at the slightest exertion
SADIST: Farts in bed, then fluffs the covers
SENSITIVE: Farts and then starts crying
AQUATIC: Farts in bath, then breaks bubbles with toes
MASOCHIST: Farts in the bath tub and tries to bite the bubbles