Watching the cops pulling over a car and thinking I'm glad it's not me as I drive by a little more slowly than normal just to be on the safe side And it occurs to me that I've always lived that way living on the safe side Always wanting to be more but never daring A rebel, a different drummer hidden under a cardboard conformist cutout I always wanted to have it all but never knew what it meant I always wanted to taste but never really dared So afraid of falling, I never took the plunge So afraid of what people would think I never gave them the opportunity to make fun of me any more than they already did I always wanted to be somebody but I ended up stuck being me, whoever she was And now I want to fly but it seems so late, so many things have changed so many responsibilities, so many judgements and I'm just not all that young anymore But I want a tattoo I want to set out west alone i want to make crazy love without thinking about how crazy it is I want to get skinnier and wear short tops and hip hugger jeans I want to speak my piece and walk away not caring what anyone might think I want to speak from my heart and own my own experiences without feeling ashamed of being small and weak i want to start over but there's nothing to start with, only what I'm already doing and it's just not cutting it anymore I want to be strong but I've always been weak and I've let myself be beaten into the cracks and go unnoticed lived a quiet nothing life with the feelings of unsettlement as I stared out kitchen windows at a wheat field slowly blowing and wishing I knew what would make me whole I'm not a person who can be somebody and keep the game going because I run out of myself too quickly and look desperately for those cracks to retreat into before someone sees how little there is in who I really am before someone sees where my weaknesses lie before someone sees that the casual matter-of-factness is just a cover to avoid exposing the unexplored, unpretentious, unexperienced, unfinished, untalented, unwordly me.