Thanks Brice

By Maura

Roy took Thanksgiving off this year. Johnny was stuck with Brice as a partner. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad?

"What are you doing Gage?"

"I'm cleaning the turkey."

"Has it been thawed properly?"

"What?"

"Did you let it thaw under refrigerated conditions for an average of twenty four hours for every five pounds?"

"I left it out for a while, then put it in the refrigerator last night."

"At any time did the internal temperature of the refrigerator exceed forty degrees?"

"I don't know."

"Then how can you be sure bacteria haven't begun colonizing?"

"I don't know. Would you like to do a culture?"

"I could you know."

"Can you just get out of my way here?"

"You did wash your hands thoroughly before handling the turkey?"

"Yes Brice, I washed my hands. Would you like to culture them too?"

"I could you know."

"Listen, if I don't get this turkey in the oven, there won't be any dinner today."

"Proceed Gage."

"Gee thanks."

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Once the stuffing was made Johnny began spooning it into the turkey.

"What are you doing Gage?"

"I'm stuffing the turkey."

"You do know that cooking stuffing in the turkey leaves the door wide open any number of bacteria to form?"

"How else do you cook it?"

"It should be baked in a separate pan."

"But everybody cooks it in the turkey."

"I suppose if everyone sprinkled it with e-coli instead of salt, you'd do that too?"

"Knock it off Brice."

"Fine, don't take my advice. But when the entire station is experiencing nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea, don't say I didn't warn you."

John rolled his eyes and continued to stuff the turkey.

The oven was set at 325. The turkey was in. The worst was over. In a few hours he could start the potatoes and the rest of the vegetables. He went to join the rest of the guys who were watching the football pre-game shows.

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The station was filled with the smell of turkey and poultry spices. He basted the turkey and decided to start the potatoes.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm peeling potatoes."

"I assume you washed them thoroughly before you started."

"Yes Brice, I washed them. After they're peeled I’m going to boil them.”

"And you washed your hands?"

"Yes, I washed my hands!"

"Because that last run was pretty messy. That guy was crawling with bacteria."

"Would you prefer if I wore sterile gloves while I peel?"

"It is a thought. You are proficient on sterile technique, aren't you?"

"Brice , why don't you go to ...The couch and watch football?"

"I've never been very interested in football. There is an interesting documentary on public television today, though, "Life in Antarctica."

Johnny looked at the rest of the guys on the edge of their seats watching the game.

"If I were you, I'd learn to like football today."

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The potatoes were boiling. The turkey was coming along nicely. This year he was going to attempt a pumpkin pie.

He scooped the canned pumpkin into a bowl and added, spices, condensed milk, and sugar. He was breaking eggs to add to the mixture.

"Those eggs have been refrigerated haven't they?"

"Yes, would you like to check the temperature of the fridge?"

"I could you know."

"I don't doubt it."

"Did you examine the shells carefully for any cracks or irregularities?"

Johnny held up an egg and studied it as if he'd never seen one before. Then he cracked it on the side of a small mixing bowl.

“Now it’s cracked. Would you like to look at the shell? Or how about this piece?” He dug into the bowl and carefully slid out a piece that had fallen in.

“You know you need to wash your hands now. You could spread salmonella.”

Johnny bit his lip and went to the sink to wash his hands.

“Satisfied?” He said as he dried them with a dish towel.

“Did you use hot water?”

“Would you like to feel it?”

“Did you get under your nails? All kinds of nasty things can hide under your nails.”

“Would you like to do a culture?”

“I could you know.”

******************************************************************

When the pie was finished, Johnny put it out on the counter to cool.

“Is that a pumpkin custard pie?”

“Why?”

“Because custard has an egg base and left unrefrigerated eggs can cause a nasty case of food poisoning.”

“Brice, are you always this much fun on holidays?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Do you hound your mom like this on Thanksgiving?”

“I don’t need to. My mother is very aware of the health risks involved at this time of year.

She has educated herself on proper food handling and aseptic technique. In all the years she’s cooked, there has never been one contaminated food related incident.”

“Man, kind of makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.”

“Holidays can be celebrated without losing perspective of the health risks involved and what we can do to prevent untoward events from occurring.”

”Yeah, right.”

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Finally the dinner was ready. The table was set. Bowls of potatoes, corn, green beans, stuffing and cranberry sauce took up every inch of room. Except for the spot reserved for the turkey.

Johnny carried the large serving dish over and placed it in the center of the feast, then took his place with the others.

“Hey Gage, this actually looks good.”

“Thanks Chet, I did do a good job if I do say so myself.”

“Well, what are we waiting for? Who wants dark meat and who wants white?” asked Captain Stanley as he sharpened his carving knife.

Soon everyone’s plates were full and the men began to enjoy the meal.

Johnny was starving. He looked at his plate, a large pile of turkey and stuffing surrounded by everything else he could fit. Something on the turkey caught his eye, a black speck. He took his fork and poked it. It was pepper. Wasn’t it? He looked up at the others eating hungrily.

Brice’s words replayed in his mind. I suppose if everyone sprinkled it with e-coli instead of salt, you'd do that too.

He swallowed hard. He looked at the pile of stuffing. You do know that cooking stuffing in the turkey leaves the door wide open any number of bacteria to form?

He took a closer look as if he would be able to see anything growing with his bare eyes. He fidgeted in his chair and shook his head trying to dismiss the thought.

He took his fork and hovered it over the mashed potatoes. He began to wonder if he did wash them enough? They grew in the ground. God only knew where they went after they were picked.

How about the cranberry sauce? Did he check to be sure the can didn’t have any dents? Was the lid bulging at all? That would go for the corn and green beans too.

He looked over at the counter, then at his watch. How long was the pie sitting out? Was the room too warm?

Everyone was finishing his first plate. He started to watch them carefully. Had they washed their hands before dinner? Did Chet just sneeze a minute ago? Wasn’t Mike petting Henry before he came to the table? Didn’t Marco have latrine duty today?

He started to feel sick. His stomach was revolting on him. He closed his eyes and all he could see were bacteria and germs dancing all over his plate. He started to take a deep breath to fight the nausea.

“Hey Gage, are you okay? You look a little green.”

“I’m not feeling too great.”

“That’s a shame. You’re missing a great meal,” smiled Brice.

“After all of your bacteria talk, how can you eat?”

“Humans need vitamins, minerals, and protein to maintain a healthy mind and body. And in our profession, we need to store reserves for the sudden demands we need to make on ourselves. Turkey is an excellent source of protein, the potatoes are loaded with starch, which can be converted into energy, green beans are a good source of fiber and vitamin C, and pumpkin is loaded with vitamin A and potassium. The Thanksgiving meal is really a wonderfully balanced source of everything we need to maintain…”

Johnny closed his eyes as Brice droned on and on.

“Geez Brice! Is there any subject you’re not an expert on? Can you give us a dissertation on the power of suggestion and its ability to ruin your partner’s Thanksgiving?”

“I could you know.”

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I’m thankful for this website and everyone who contributes. Sometimes you want to go, where everybody knows…Johnny’s name!

Maura