You’re
insatiable. But then so am I.
It seems I used to
read once,
Read
everything around
Until
I chanced to breed once
And
suddenly I found
Here
was something thrilling,
Here
was something gay
Here
was something I couldn’t get
From Racine or Rabelais.
My
heart too easily melts---
I
love that strange queasy feeling,
I
love a view of the ceiling
As
long as I’m revealing
That
view to someone else.
I’m often tricked by the treat---
I
love when love starts to flower,
I
love that feeling of power
Although
at any hour
There
may be utter defeat.
And
isn’t it pleasant
Making
future plans
That suit your plans
Just
for the present.
Is
like eating after you’ve dined---
I
know I should break the habit,
But
love walks by and I grab it---
I
feel for every rabbit
Whose
heart can rule his mind.
I
love love much too much
But,
God knows, I guess I’m resigned.
You
say you always read once,
Well,
cooking was for me.
I’d
happily bake bread once
Until I bred like thee.
You
gave up Montaigne,
And
I gave up lasagna.
I
love the way that it feels!
I
know the feeling is fleeting,
I
know my health takes a beating,
But
still I can’t help greeting
Romance with high ideals.
I’m
much too quickly possessed;
I
love the hazy impressions,
I
love those
When
you both make confessions
You’ll
wish you’d never confessed.
Is
taken lightly
And
dispelled at night
When
held at night
So very tightly.
Too
much to notice the brand;
I
love the beautiful silence
Which soon comes after the violence
And
I’m in heaven while ens-
Conced
in the arms at hand.
I
love love much too much,
And isn’t love perfectly grand!
Now you remember
the plan?
Of course I
remember the plan! It’s my plan,
you sexy wench!
What are you doing
dancing at this hour of the morning?
Trying
to bring some life into this mausoleum.
Impudent hussy, I
need an injection!
(under her breath)
You need an
injection in your head.
(to Argon)
I’ll
give you an injection on one condition. You allow your daughter to marry the one she chooses, not you.
You give me
conditions! You a slut of a servant girl!
She will marry a
man, not a clown.
You
call Thomas Diaforous with his education, his medical expertise and the fortune
he will inherit a clown!
You
can put all that education and medical expertise in a bedbug’s navel and
still have room left over.
ARGON
That is enough! I
will not hear another word! Now give me my injection!
Give me your
promise!
You strumpet! I’ll teach you to be insolent to your
bettors!
My darling, what is
it now?
This baggage
refuses to give me an injection!
As
much as I love administering injections, I did not refuse. I said I would
gladly do it provided he swears he will not make Angelique marry a man she does
not love, could never love and will never love.
What
business is it of yours! You know if she does not abide by her father’s
wishes, she will be sent immediately to a convent. So she’d better make
up her mind right now that a marriage to a promising educated young doctor is
the only alternative.
I guarantee the
shock of it will make her dumb!
What are you
talking about---the shock of it will make her dumb?
It’s
more common than you think---young ladies who are forced into marrying the
Thomas Diaforouses of the world often go dumb out of fright.
I’ve
never heard of anything so ridiculous in my life! Now we’re going right
in there and you’re giving my beloved husband an injection. Come along
now!
Cleante!
The door was open.
But what are you
doing here?
I’ve come to
take you away with me.
Oh, my love!
What is it?
My father…
What about your
father?
It would break his
heart.
He doesn’t
care if your heart is broken, why should you care about his?
Oh, Cleante…
You don’t
love me!
Oh, but I do! You
know I do!
What are you doing
here?
It’s time for
the young lady’s music lesson.
At
six in the morning?
One’s voice
is always better in the early hours.
I have never seen you
swimming in the sun,
I have never heard
you pray;
We have never kissed
before the coffee’s done,
But these are things we’ll
do someday.
Wait! Father, this is the man I want to marry.
You what?
This is the man I
am in love with.
You just met him
yesterday!
No. That isn’t
true.
We’ve known
each other for just awhile.
But still my fancies
take flight---
Will you stop that!
I want you out of this house!
Please, father. I
implore you.
That’s the last
time I leave you in the care of your mother’s sister.
Out! Out I say!
(CLEANTE
reluctantly rises, embraces Angelique.)
Take your hands off
my daughter and GO!
(Sadly,
HE turns and exits through the front door. To Toinette)
Did you know about
this?
Of course!
It’s a
conspiracy! In my own house, I’m surrounded by assassins.
Please, dearest. Do
not upset yourself.
Oh, my sweetness! You’re the only one I can trust. Besides my doctors.
(aside)
What perceptions!
But, father, I love
him!
That---that pauper!
How do you know he’s
a pauper?
You can tell just
by looking at him! You will be without money, without servants…
(to
Argon)
What do I care
about that?
If
I were married to Cleante,
I’d
get down on my knees for him,
I’d
swelter and I’d freeze for him,
I’d
spend days shelling peas for him,
If I were married to Cleante.
I’d
do most anything for him,
I’d
stand up to the King for him,
I’d
scrub each bathtub ring for him,
If I were married to Cleante.
Each
day would come and bring all sorts of joys---
Familiarity
would breed quite a few things,
A few small girls, a few small boys.
I’d
join the working class for him,
I’d
slave, I’d eat ground glass for him,
I’d
go to morning mass for him,
If
I were married to Cleante
.
There’s
that dreadful thing called Thomas!
Think
of Thomas in pajamas!
Oh,
no, dear Lord, oh, no!
A
life with him could hardly be drearier,
We’d
sit all day and talk of bacteria,
I’d
rather be a Mother Superior
Than
have to marry him.
Enough!
If
I were married to Thomas,
I’d
run up gambling debts for him,
I’d
raise black snakes as pets for him,
I’d
burn his crepe suzettes for him,
If I were married to Thomas.
I’d
make the worst faux pas for him,
I’d
belch, I’d be bourgeois for him,
I’d
salt his café noir for him,
If I were married to Thomas.
In
case he tried to play the role of a spouse;
His
bedroom would be off in the west wing
While mine would be in Cleante’s house.
I’d
never comb my hair for him,
I’d
snarl, I’d curse, I’d swear for him,
I’d
shrink his underwear for him,
If I were married to Thomas.
I will not hear
another word!
(to Beline)
That girl has upset
me so much, I’ll have to have a double dose of
my gallstone powder.
Oh, Toinette, what
am I going to do?
What’s that
you say?
I said, what am I going to do?
You’re
opening your mouth, but not a word is coming out.
What are you
talking about?
Oh, you poor dear! It’s finally happened!
What’s
finally happened?
(scurrying toward the alcove)
Oh, master, come
quick! Your daughter has become
absolutely totally dumb!
