Another millenium

AREAS OF EXPERTISE INCLUDE: *Uniting the world with unconditional love...*Australian Dwarf Hurling... *Requiring vendors to address me as "Your Royal Highness" at street fairs...*Good food, baby...*Explaining paranormal activity to mere mortals...*Yo-yo dieting with other yo-yo's who yo-yo diet...*Hobnobbing with the jet set...*Willing pigeons to walk toward me with the power of my steely mind...all while I eat sandwiches on park benches, unbeknownst to passersby...*Leading "the vast Right-Wing Conspiracy"... Areas of very little expertise or interest include: *Sports...*Sporty people...*Sports news...*Sports interviews...*Synchronized Swimming...*The Kentucky Derby...*Freestyle Rock Climbing...*Bryant Gumbel...*Canadian Cuisine...*Fitting into last year's slacks...

My family...ahh...those were the happy days...

WELCOME to my internet website; a beacon of warm, loving light on the internet. Please help yourself to a beverage.

Tripoli, 23 July 1951. Carefully enjoying some tasty Szechuan late one festive afternoon with Idris the I, yours truly came upon an epiphany. "Communication is key," I thought to myself, particularly as the King and I were quickly running out of topics to discuss. I was becoming uncomfortable.

I thought that if I could develop a website that satisfies those with an interest for news and current affairs, while placating others with aspirations towards proper oral hygiene - could work to unite millions of registered voters and even those people that keep following me in helicopters and fake delivery trucks. I've tried to be diplomatic, I really have. But they're crazier than looooons.

Unfortunately, disenfranchised intergalactic operatives brandishing cocktail swords late in the sixties, objurgating over the usual fare of global warming and how they always water their drinks "when (they're) playin' down in Philly, man..." evily planted behind my nose a classified, microscopic attenna so as to listen to my thoughts in my native Jibberish. The quiet one called himself "Placido".

As a result, undisciplined children in restaurants, car alarms, flibbertigibbets and pettifoggers who take McGovern seriously may send me into a fit of unbridled goofyness. Therefore, as you peruse this page, bear in mind it should make little or no sense to you. But be encouraged - I am under the watchful care of board-certified ornithologists, and another guy who wears a white jacket and tries to look important, but I know he's not with them. He just drives a Maxima around the mall parking lot when he's on a mission.


OK, that's it. Nothing to see here. Look away, please. What?