ERAPTION

During Mass at the wake for a politician-friend, Erap whispers to his companions that they have to leave.His companions tell him that it would be impolite to leave in the middle of the mass, and that the family may resent his leaving before the coffin is brought out of the Church -- until Erap explains: "Let's get out of here, We can't stay here. Delicado. See the sign? REMAINS WILL BE CREMATED."

ERAP ! Joins "Jeopardy Filipino Style"

The emcee Alex Tabak, the contestant "Erap"
Emcee: Question number 1 "Ano ang national bird ng Pilipinas ?
Erap: Clue please !!!
Emcee: nag uumpisa sa letter "M"
Erap: Madali yan, ...."Manok"
Emcee: Hindi..... Maliit lang at kulay brown.....
Erap: "hindi mo agad sinabi eh, di "pritong manok"...
Emcee: ngyek !!!... Pangalawang tanong...Ano ang national Animal ng Pilipinas, eto na ang clue...."nag uumpisa sa "K"...
Erap: Sa "K" ha .... eto na "kuto"
Emcee:..Hindi !!!!! yong bang ginagamit ng magsasaka sa lupa....!
Erap: eh, di "kutong lupa"....
Emcee: Talagang mahirap itong si "Erap"..ngyek...
Emcee: Ok, eto na ang huling tanong... Sino ang huling hero ng Pilipinas..
ang clue...nag uumpisa sa initial "NA"
Erap: Madali yan si "Nora Aunor"
Emcee: Hindi si Nora Aunor, namtay na eh !!!!!!
Erap: Haaaa? namtay na si Nora Aunor ?????
Hinimatay ang Emcee si Alex Tabak......he he he he....

Cofeeshop in New York. Erap is thinking of what to order. The man to his left ask for "Coffee and Danish." The man to his right, "Coffee and English." Erap, with confidence and pride: "Coffee and Filipino!"

HOW TO SPEAK ENGLISH WITHOUT REALLY TRIAL


During a party a lady admirer ask Erap: "If you ever become president, how would you want us to address you?" Erap replies: "Polk Street in San Juan." "No, "the lady explains, "I mean, how should we call you?" "Call me? Same phone number in San Juan," is Erap's answer.


On board an Air Force plane that Erap had commandeered to pursue a group of kidnappers on another plane, the pilot tells Erap: "Sir, enemy plane comming in at 5 o'clock." Erap replies: "Good. We have time to plan our moves. It's only 4:25 by my watch."


One late evening, while leading his anti-kidnapping team in tracking down a notorious criminal group that had reportedly holed out in a forest, Erap notices a movement in the bushes. He trains his flashlight on a figure and shouts, "Freeze!." As the figure stops dead in his tracks, Erap's assistant whispers to him: "Sir, that person is head of our advance party." Hearing this, Erap turns to the person and shouts: "Okay, defrost!"

In the 1992 elections, Fidel Ramos, Miriam Santiago, and Erap filed their applications for candidacy at the Comelec at the same time and filled out the forms together on one long table. Erap quickly filled in the space for name, address, and date of birth, but hesitated upon seing the heading "Sex".

He saw what Ramos had placed under "Sex--the letter "M".
He looked at Miriam and saw she had written "F".
Then Erap wrote under Sex: "M-W-F."





At a testimonial dinner in honor of a former Senator who was half an hour late for the ceremony, Erap announces the honoree's arival. "Finally, here comes the late Senator de la Cruz."




After finishing the main course at a dinner meeting, Erap is asked if he would like another serving. Erap replies politely: "No thank you. I'm fed up already."




Cofee shop in New York. Erap is thinking of what to order. The man to his left ask for "Coffee and Danish." The man to his right, "Coffee and English." Erap, with confidence and pride: "Coffee and Filipino!"




At a dinner party the hostess asks her guests if they would care to try her imported steak. A vegetarian, the man seated next to Erap politely replies, "Thank you, but I'm afraid not." Erap tells the hostess. I'll try it. I'm not afraid."


Riding a cab on his way to the JFK International Airport, Erap bids the driver to step on it. He notices a sign which says, "JFK 10 MILES." Erap tells the driver to go faster or they'll miss his flight. Then he sees another sign saying "JFK 5 MILES." Finally, when he sees a third sign saying "JFK 500 METERS," he panics and shouts at the driver: You must have made a wrong turn. Why are we now 500 meters aways when were just 5 miles away only a few minutes ago?"

Erap gets really mad when he sees the next sign: "JFK LEFT."
"See?" he scolds his driver. "We're so late even the airport left already."




At a restaurant, while cutting his "lengua estofada," a piece falls on the floor. Embarassed, Erap tells his lady companion, "Sorry, slip of the tongue."

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