How to Get Rid of Really Annoying People


This site is only for fun. It should not be attempted by an amateur. You have been warned.
First, if you want to get rid of a Jehovah's witness...
When you answer the door, give him the sign of the devil. Then tell him he's just in time to help you sacrifice a goat. If he starts to preach to you, pull out the knife. Start flipping it in the air, catching it and smiling at him. If he does not run screaming in terror, then keep flipping the knife and drop it occaisionally, but grin even more. If he still does not leave, begin to chase after him bearing the knife. Most sane Witnesses will flee at this point. If he doesn't, then sacrifice him, no big loss. Leave his head by the door to deter any more Witnesses.


*To get rid of a mother-in-law...
Be sugary sweet with her. Treat her like gold until she can't stand it anymore. If there's a chance that doesn't work, then turn some kids loose with honey and a jar of ants. Let them use their imagination.
*Note: this only applies to annoying ones, not all mother-in-laws are bad...


Outwit a know-it-all...
When they try to outsmart you, begin using inventive terms and make up your own answers. An extremely good thing to say to any of their questions would be, "I like trees." This should leave them dumbfounded.


To get rid of a very annoying condratictory person...
Begin talking in gibberish. This always confuses them. Unfortunately, if they know gibberish, then you have to try plan number 2. Gibberish is simple. Say a word, then say "the," then say the word but with a g, instead of the original consonate. Example, "I the Guy am the gam dumb the gum."
If they know gibberish, here's plan number 2, begin agreeing with every word they say, make a point of agreeing. Most of the time this makes them quite mad, so you may want to be ready to run.


Confusing the average cheerleader...
This is the easiest of all. Cheerleaders by nature are very dingy. The easiest way to confuse/get rid of them is to begin telling blonde jokes. Most cheerleaders will become stuck in the "I don't get it," phase, then you can knock her over with a feather. If she is indeed able to keep up with the blonde jokes, then put a mirror at the bottom of a pool, or a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom, and let her have at it. If that effort fails, remove her headset. She will cease to breathe and thus you will be rid of her.


Disposing of a freshman...
Gee, did I really have to do this one? Yeah. Okay, the easiest way to get rid of the annoying freshman is obviously to stuff them in a locker. Of course, you can also: throw them off the second floor, sack them, sick a substitute teacher on them, run over them in your car, find a really big senior and sic 'em, or simply staple their shoes to the gym ceiling. Voila!


More to come when I have the chance...
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