My experience with net relationships

Well, what can I say? It turned out worse than I thought possible. But anyway, the story starts back in May ish 1996...

I first heard about the internet but haven't really got the chance to use it. But when some of my friends were telling me that it's real cool and stuff. I thought I'd check it out at the new Internet Cafe that's opened. At first, I only looked for pictures of the hit TV sitcom "Friends", it was not until at a later date when I found that I could talk on the net via chat sites such as geocities.

I was eager to try this feature out and upon doing so, I was bewildered with how addictive it was, and since I was looking for pen pals, I decided to search for some on the net. During the summer, I've met many wonderful people such as Odessa and Kaori. To me, they were like real friends cause we got along really well. But the summer really did fly by and before I knew it, I had to be back in college for my second year (UK). And so I asked some of my friends if they would be my pen pals. I got two which were Doublefish and Sushi. Unfortunately Odessa never written to me, I presummed it might have got lost through the post. And so from around September 1996, by net usage had ended.

During December 1996, I was working on a new Spice Girls Web site, and was hoping to put it up on the net. I got this chance when I joined up with Demon Internet and so got the new site up and running. Since I was on the net, I thought I'd go try chatting in geocities again. It was hard to find new friends so I thought it must be me ^_^ But one night on the 12th January 1997, someone by the name of ~Lady Odessa~ whispered to me and asked if she knew me. I was in a hurry and so just gave my e-mail address to her and left.

The following day, I checked my hotmail account to find a letter from a person called Angela Conklin (aka Odessa), and of course, I wondered who the hell she was. But as I read on, I remembered that she was one of my very first net friends. In fact, a very special one. You won't believe how happy I was to see at least one of my net friends again, cause they hardly happen with a big gap of about 4 months ^_^ Within a couple of weeks of chatting to each other again in geocities. She asked whether I was doing anything or not during the summer, in which I replied nope, nothing at all. She asked if I wanted to meet her as she was going to go to London (UK), so I replied that I will love to.

Days went on with e-mails from each other everyday, and at one point, we started talking about relationships. I was saying and will continue to say that "no matter what, if a guy and a gal a best of friends, they could never go out", I say this as they are too close as friends and it just won't suit a relationship. That's what I thought anyway, but Odessa didn't, her persistent commitment determined me that me and her will work like a some sort of dream. I was thinking it was pretty dodgy, then I said something bad which could have jeopardised the friendship we had. Whilst in my maths class, I came across a quote made by Sophocles "One must learn by doing the thing; though you think you know it, you have no certainty until you try". From this point, I was thinking that Odessa was right, I don't know if it will work or not unless I try. And so we started going out on 28th February, and of course with me apologising with what I had said to her. I thought that even though it was the net, Odessa was the best thing that had happened to me and I really wanted to make it work. I asked her what does a lass look for in a relationship, and she said to me, humour, kindness, caring, someone like me. She then said that she hated liars especially guys and heartbreakers.

Weeks went by as we showed more of our love to each other, with small e-mails saying how much we loved each other. And there was one point when Odessa even said told me that the feeling I give her was truly amazing and that she's falling deeper in love with me. I really thought that this was great and how I really wanted it to work. But I was still feeling kinda weird, cause one time I went on Athens under a different name as ~Infinity~ and kissed Odessa in public. But some guy called ~Ground Zero~ then suddenly kicked off at me, he whispered saying how he wanted to come over and kick my butt! I wondered what had gotten into him, but when I asked Odessa, she said that he was just one of her closest and bestest friends. I took no notice from then but kept my eyes open for any of this stuff. My love for Odessa was so great, I wanted to prove it, I wanted to send her something but she vowed that if her address was given out over the net, she wouldn't have her net anymore. I would have phoned her but with the costs of my phone bill along with the net, it was barely possible. But I did promise her that I will prove my love to her when she comes over to England.

Time went on, and I did get quite paranoid with what was going on and stuff, and I had to believe that there was a slight glimmer of a chance that this ~Ground Zero~ had something that was more than a friendship with Odessa. I asked her again, and she hates it when I asked about him. I asked her why does ~Ground Zero~ refer to her as an "angel" when he leaves Athens and on his home page. Well she told me that its maybe because he's one of the people who like her. I got so paranoid that I had to question her loyalty and her love that she had for me. She told me to believe her and that trust is the most important thing in this relationship and without it, there was nothing at all. I tried to trust her, and by doing so, I asked if she's ever had any net boyfriends or any other ones in real life. She told me them and I was surprised to not see a ~Ground Zero~ in the list. I admit I was happy cause I thought there was stuff going on between them two, you could say that I got a bit over protective of Odessa.

Then one night, in Athens, Odessa stayed on for quite a while when she's suppose to go, using UK time, she goes on at around 11 pm and leaves about 1 am. But she said to me that she was going then, but didn't really leave until about 1.25 am, I got a bit annoyed cause she ignored me throughout, and so I decided to whisper to ~Ground Zero~ about relationships, and I asked if it had been hard for him ever, he then replied that he had a real one but didn't work out, and then he said "Well, at the moment (as you might, or should know) Odessa/Ang and I are going out... sort of. Not actually "going out", as in to places, but are dating." My heart totally sunk at that point as I couldn't believe I was hearing that from him. I then, while feeling kind of heartbroken, sent Odessa an e-mail saying how much I hated her lies snd stuff. But after a while, I felt that no matter what, she was the one I love so badly, and so I asked her to come chat with me at geocities. It was good and definately worth it. There were some truths that I had to accept from her, she admitted that ~Ground Zero~ was her net boyfriend, and she asked me why would it affect me if ours was real and her's with ~Ground Zero~ was only on the net. I said it was because of the things he says to her, stuff like "my angel". She also admitted that ~Wings~ was her net boyfriend too, which didn't surprise me. As a matter of fact, we sorta came out better of that cause we got to trust each other more.

After that, I messed up a bit on my A-Level computing exam cause I couldn't concentrate for what had happened. I guess that I was too literal in everything. I took things to heart to easily, and I sometimes thought that simple friends of Odessa's might have been her other net boyfriends. But that got her quite peeved which she hated. I didn't know what to do anymore cause she keeps assuring me that all she loves is me and me only. The other two net boyfriends are just on the net and all they do is talk. I then got myself together and said that its gonna work out as long as I keep my cool in all that I do. Some of my friends thought I was crazy going over this Odessa lass cause they wondered who she was, but they make fun of me cause of that I haven't seen her yet.

I started talking to my friends about the relationship that I was in. And a lot of them said its not gonna happen one bit, its not gonna work, not possible over a 4 year gap. So on 7th June 1997, I said to Odessa that its not gonna work out at all, cause its just so long to wait. And yet again she said if I love her that much, then I know that it should work, cause the love can only get stronger over time. And by doing so, the trust in each other has to be great, otherwise everything's gonna fade away slowly. Still clouded in my thoughts, I needed time.

After thinking a couple of days, and I know she was heartbroken cause I just knew it. I felt it inside me, and I told her that I would love to stay with her no matter how long it takes. She seemed quite happy and I was so determined to make it last as long as we can make it. But I had a couple of questions like "What about your net boyfriend ~Ground Zero~?" and she replied that he and her will lose contact over the 4 years at uni. Because there will be no net for her. I thought that would be okay then, but I still some slight doubts in my head, so I thought I enter Athens chat under a different name and ask ~Ground Zero~ a couple of questions about him and Odessa. And one of those was that if the relationship was real or not, in which he replied that indeed it was. I then felt heartbroken again, and feeling that its not gonna work out, I had to tell Odessa about it.

Again, Odessa talked me out of breaking up, I swear I don't know how she does it, but she does. And I wanted her to explain to me this whole story about her and ~Ground Zero~. I asked her why is it that she wants me to keep our relationship quiet when ~Ground Zero~ goes around telling everyone? But my friends did know about me and Odessa, and the people in Tokyo too. Anyway, she said her and ~Ground Zero~ is like a film she said, all that they are doing is acting out a relationship and the people in Athens is like an audience for them to see and admire. Like the emotional person that I am, I took that in seriously and said that I will love to make it work out for the both of us. She constantly said that I have to believe her that its me she loves, and of course she has feelings for her best friend ~Ground Zero~. Only so its not to break his heart if he found out she was going out with me for real.

My friend Tony knew how easy it is to mess with my mind, and Kwok (the other person coming to London to meet Odessa too) demonstrated it in Athens. Odessa apologised but I took no slack. I was a bit peeved, but who was to blame me? I tried to not let it affect me, but it seems like Odessa knows how to wrap certain people with her little finger.

On the 14th June 1997, I was waiting for Odessa to come home after going out with her friends. But she never turned into Athens at all, but ~Ground Zero~ was there and I thought I'd have a talk with him. I was saying that someone special is coming to visit me, and he was bugging me to tell him, and I said there's no way I can do that. So I then started talking about Odessa and where she might be going in the summer. He said I was trying to mess with his mind and no one can do it that easily. Another friend was there in Athens at the time and had witnessed me and ~Ground Zero~ fighting. Enough was enough and so that person (who will still remain anonymous) wanted to tell him the truth about Odessa. I said no but I was too late. ~Ground Zero~ then started talking to me about Odessa, and we mentioned the stuff that she says. Like how she said to me, that she's totally comfortable talking about sex with me, when she said the same thing to ~Ground Zero~. I couldn't believe it myself, that she had been stringing me along with ~Ground Zero~ all that time.

The next day, 15th June 1997. ~Ground Zero~ had enough and wanted Odessa and me to tell the truth. Cause she told him that everything I said was a complete lie, which is not cause I know it. Odessa knew for a fact that she asked me out, that she said she loved me only, and that she and ~Ground Zero~ were nothing more than simple a net relationship whilst me and her were for real.

Later that night, we had all aranged to meet in Athens chat. And so we all did, and to begin with, Odessa said that nothing ever happened between me and her. I couldn't believe she said that! I know that just because I wanted to break up cause of the long distance and time spent apart, she knew she hadn't a chance with me. So by saying we never were ever going out was a total lie, cause she knows for a fact that we did. Time and time again when I felt that I wanted to break up, cause I didn't want to be heartbroken again, she e-mails me saying how such a wonderful person I am, and how I meant so much to her. Then she gives me a song which I thought meant a lot, but I should have realised that she's trying to get at my emotions again, cause she knew I would fall for it. During that chat in Athens, she reversed everything she said to me about ~Ground Zero~ and said to him that it was me. Like how she said to me that ~Ground Zero~ was just a simple net boyfriend, she said to him that I was just a close friend who was crazy for her. I can't believe that she's trying to lie her way out. And to think that she even has the decency to e-mail me pre-hand, telling me that she doesn't want to be with me no more but with ~Ground Zero~ instead, and thus told me to keep the truth away just for a friend. Like yeah Odessa, whatever!

~Ground Zero~ wants the truth, and the truth I have is the people that's seen me and Odessa together, plus the e-mails that she's written to me. He says that I can easily edit them, I mean yeah, like all of them, and there's absolutely loads. Besides, I don't care if you two get together, so be it! I just want to know from Odessa, why is she doing this to me, why has she led me on, and why did she say that she loved me when she was going out with someone else at the time. Please, tell me why...

This was like a long road for me, very huge, I had to stick with many of the obstacles that I had to confront, some were good, some were bad. And in the distance, I see the vanishing point of this long road, its a shame I've never reached the end...and I think I'm glad not to. Well, my last words to Odessa, I thought you were my friend, I couldn't believe someone as special as you, would ever do such a thing such as manipulating me big time. I wasted my money going on the net to see you, and all I get is this? tuts Get a life!

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