Title: planning a Revenge Chapter 9
Author: Ashley
E-mail: Nuriko56@hotmail.com
Standard Disclaimer Apply


Serena stayed away for a full three weeks, returning to London on
a wild, wet
November day that blew her hair into a cascade of bright golden
blonde gold-
curls her clips couldn't contain and put healthy color into her
cheeks. But
the outward appearance of vibrant color and life was an illusion,
she admitted
silently, as she caught sight of herself in the wardrobe mirror
after dumping
her suitcase on the bed. Inside she was grey.
	Raye had been wonderful, hiding her horrified surprise at
what Serena
had done after one shocked, "Oh, Serena," and then being there
when Serena
needed some company without intruding on Serena's desire for
solitude. And she
had needed be to by herself, Serena thought now, clicking open the
suitcase
beginning to unpack.
	She had laid a lot of ghosts during the three weeks' retreat
to
Scotland, some of which she had been unaware of until she had
begun to search
her heart and her soul with brutal honesty. Her new state of mind
didn't help
the grinding loneliness which had grown day by day since she had
walked out of
Darien's life, nor the overwhelming sense of guilt and shame that
had had her
pacing the floor until the early hours most nights, but she was
glad she had
faced the demons of the past nevertheless.
	She had realized she had been punishing Allan Ginga when she
had aimed
to get even with Darien--it hadn't been Raye as she was thinking
of, not
really.
	Darien's apparent ruthlessness with her cousin, his cruel
assumption as
to Raye's morals and behavior, had touched something elemental
that had been
screaming inside her own brain for five years. She had merely
dressed it up as
a crusade for Raye, that was all, Serena thought bleakly.
	After unpacking her things, Serena made herself some toast
and tea and
took her tray through to the sitting room, drawing the deep rosey-
red curtains
before she sat down in front of the welcoming glow of the gas
fire. The rain
was lashing against the window, an early dusk making it quite dark
outside
although it was only just after four o'clock.
	Serena ate the toast determinedly--her appetite was non-
existent; she
had already lost nearly half a stone in the last three weeks, and
her clothes
were beginning to hang on her--hazing into the flickering fire as
she munched.
She had come to several decisions in the caustic aftermath of her
last
confrontation with Darien, and now she reviewed them as
dispassionately as she
could.
	She had lost any chance she might have had with him--
completely,
utterly--and she felt in her bone she would never fall in love
again. So, she
had to think her life anew.
	If all hope of a husband and family was gone, then she
wanted to do
something with her life, something rewarding. She needed a point
to what had
become an existence, and working for Rita and Andrew didn't even
begin to
fulfil that--dear though her friends were.
	When she had first gone to university she had had the idea
of a career
in social services, working with needy families and especially
children, but
Allan Ginga had caused her to lose all confidence in herself and
her ability
to cope with the pressures such a career would involve. But her
degree was a
good one. So it was up to her--it was all up to her. And she
wasn't going to
hide away any longer.
	When the knock came at her front door, Serena's brow
wrinkled before she
suddenly realized who it was. Of course--she had told Rita and
Andrew when she
was expected back, and, knowing Rita, she had come round to check
all was
well.
	She padded out to the hall, stitching a determinedly bright
smile on her
face as she opened the door. Only it wasn't Rita. Or Andrew. It
wasn't Melvin
either.
	"Hello, Serena." The deep voice was cool and expressionless.
	Her reaction wasn't at all cool, but as she swung the door
shut he was
too quick for her, an expensive Italian leather shoecap diving
into the
threshold and wedging the door open.
	He looked wonderful, she thought desperately, big, dark and
handsome,
and the slight dampness from the ferociously wet leather outside
was causing
his hair to fall over his forehead in what was almost a quiff. It
gave a
boyishness to the hard, handsome face that was dynamite, and she
knew her
voice was shaky when she whispered, "What are you doing here?"
	"Looking for you," he said softly. And then, as her hand
went to her
throat in nervous apprehension, he said, "It's all right, it's all
right, I'm
not going to hurt you." And in that moment she knew, with an
intuition made
all the more sensitive because of her love for him, that somehow
he had found
out about Allan Ginga. Her heart stopped, and then raced
furiously.
	He was feeling sorry for her. It was worst than all the pain
of the last
three weeks, and Serena' soft mouth tightened, her back
straightening as she
said again, "What are you doing here?" her voice hostile.
	"I thought you might like to know how Amy's last appointment
went?" he
said quietly, with a faint air of reproach.
	"Oh.yes, of course." It wasn't what she had expected. "I.I'm
sorry, of
course I want to know. How.? What did the doctors say?" she
stammered weakly,
knowing she couldn't keep him standing on the doorstep when he had
called to
tell her much momentous news, but utterly unable to find the
courage to invite
him into the flat either.
	Darien solved her problem by the simple expedient of
steeping forward,
so she was forced to step back into the hall, whereby he followed
her into the
flat, shutting the door after him, and then staring down at her
from wary,
watchful eyes. "It went very well," he said, simply. "The
treatment had been
an unmitigated success. There is no reason why she shouldn't live
a full,
active and very long life once she ahs recovered her strength."
	"Oh, Darien, I'm so pleased." And she was, but she still
couldn't rid
herself of the impression that he knew. "That's.that's wonderful
news," she
said shakily.
	"And she's going to make an honest man of Greg once her
divorce from
Chad comes through," Darien continued steadily. "She's already
looking for a
house in the suburbs big enough to take Greg and all his books, as
well as the
quiver full of kids she intends to have, so I'll be looking for a
new
housemate soon."
	He smiled, but for the life of her Serena couldn't smile
back. Was this
how the other half lived? She thought helplessly. Could the cool,
sophisticated beauties Darien was normally involved with take the
sort of
scene they had endured and carry on as though nothing had
happened? But then
she doubted him any other woman had dared to do what she had done.
The thought
brought a moment of nervous hysteria, but then his next words
washed away like
a bucket of cold water.
	"I'm sorry, Serena," he said quietly.
	"What?" Please don't let him know, she prayed desperately.
I'll do
anything, anything, if he doesn't know. She couldn't bear his
pity--his hate
was better than that.
	Her prayers were in vain.
	"I followed you here the morning you ran away from me," he
said
steadily, still making no effort to touch her. "But you had
already left. I
went crazy for a time, then--raging about like a bull in a china
shop--and,
not surprisingly, Rita and Andrew wouldn't tell me where you'd
gone. I think
they thought I meant to hurt you."
	Hurt her? Oh, he'd hurt her all right, Serena thought
painfully, but not
by anything he had said or done. He had made her fall in love with
him--what
could be worse than that? "I had some holiday to take," she said
stiffly.
	"I know, Rita said that much--along with telling me I was
the biggest
idiot on the earth," he said flatly.
	"She didn't? Rita didn't say that, did she?" Serena asked
incredulously.
The Chiba business was very important to Rita and Andrew's
fledgling
enterprise, and they still hadn't made a sale on his apartment. It
said a lot
for the strength of Rita's affection for her that her friend would
put their
friendship before her precious child, Serena thought wryly, the
knowledge
warming her for a few brief seconds before Darien spoke again.
"She was right." He was wearing his poker face, but there was
something deep
in the beautiful blue eyes that was causing the breath to
constrict in her
throat, and the feeling of uneasiness to increase tenfold.
"Anyway, I tried
threats, bribery--all sort of tactic you would expect from a man
like me--"
the edge of dark humor didn't make her smile "--and then I decided
that as you
knew everything about me, it was only right and proper I did some
investigating of my own."
	She shut her eyes for a split seconds as a terrible sense of
inevitability engulfed her. "I.I don't know what you mean."
	"I thing you do." She made no reply to this, but her eyes
were the eyes
of a trapped animal and her face was chalk-white.
	"Why didn't you tell me, Serena?" he asked softly, knowing
he had to go
slowly, that the slender, fragile girl in front of him was at the
end of her
tether. "Did you think I wouldn't understand? Was that it? Or that
I'd blame
you in some way, think less of you--?"
	"Please go. I want you to go." Her heart was shaking her
ribcage with
its frightened panicked beats. What did he expect--that she would
now discuss
this with him? Was that it? Because she couldn't; she couldn't
discuss it with
anyone--not ever. If he had loved her it would still have been
impossible, but
thinking of her as he did, it was inconceivable.
	"I'm not going anywhere." And then, as she began to tremble,
he said
softly, "Sit down, Serena. I just want to talk for a while, that's
all."
	"There's no point," she murmured shakily, "you must see
that? We.we said
all that could be said that Saturday morning three weeks ago."
	"We said nothing that was real then," he bit back sharply,
and then, as
she flinched as his tone, added, "Please, sit down."
	She sat. It was either that or falling in a trembling little
heap at his
feet, and that really would be the final humiliation. She didn't
know what to
do or what to say, and she felt such panic and despair that it was
like the
court case all over again.
	"I know this isn't easy for you." He was even using the
language the
lawyers had used, she thought hysterically, bowing her head and
biting on her
lip to stop herself from screaming at him to stop. "And I've made
it a damn
sight harder, haven't I?"
	"What?" She did look at him then, struck by the ragged pain
in his
voice, and he sat down opposite her as she did so, his hands
hanging loosely
between his knees as his eyes looking straight into hers.
	"The things I accused you of." He paused. "I didn't
understand, Serena,
I didn't know," he said with painful self-disgust.
	Oh, God, please make him stop this, she prayed helplessly. I
don't want
his pity or his good intentions. If he couldn't love her that was
one thing,
but this.
	"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked softly. "Tell me in
your own
words?"
	"No." Panic made her voice fierce. "No, I don't."
	"No matter. I can wait until you're ready," he said calmly.
	Why that simple sentence was the catalyst for the flood of
rage and pain
and loss that flooded her system, Serena didn't know, but she took
them both
by surprise when she sprang to her feet, her eyes wild as she
shouted, "I
don't want you to wait, don't you see? And I don't want you to
feel sorry for
me either! I'm not a victim, Darien. I'm not. I've built a life
for myself.
I'm not a little waif and stray that needs your charity, so you
can just get
out. Go back to your wheeling and dealing, and your.your wom--
women."
	She hadn't wanted to cry. That thought was uppermost as the
wild sobs
that racked her body burst forth from her eyes, her nose, her
mouth, the
tension of the last three weeks and his sudden appearance proving
too much.
	She tried to struggle when he took her in his arms, but his
grip
tightened, his arms strong but curiously gentle as he held her
until the worst
of the storm was spent.
	"You've been bright. You're very brave, my darling." He had
been
muttering incoherent words of comfort but now, as his words
penetrated her
misery, she jerked in his hold, pushing at his chest with shaking
hands as she
tried to free herself.
	"I don't want you to feel sorry for me." It was a wail of
despair. "And
I don't want to ever see you again. Just leave me alone. Please,
Darien, leave
me alone."
	"I can't." He was breathing hard, his face as white as a
sheet and his
eyes black with pain. "I love you."
	Serena closed her eyes, anguish tearing through her and
making her feel
as though she was disintegrating into a tiny speck of nothingness.
"You don't
believe in love," she said with trembling dignity. "You know you
don't." That
Saturday when you found out what I'd done you were disgusted with
me, you
wanted me far away from Amy--"
	"No, it was you who decided to leave," he said gently. "I
admit I
reacted badly--" he took a deep, hard breath before continuing "--
but I'm no
saint, Serena. I've never purported to be. I handled it all wrong.
I know
that--I knew it from the first moment I found you gone--and I have
no excuse.
I lost my temper. For the first time in a long, long time I lost
my temper.
There was the great Darien Chiba, the man who had it all under
control, all at
his fingertips, and suddenly I didn't know if I was coming or
going. I'd lost
it," he said shakily.
	"You hated me," she whispered, her voice barely audible.
	"No, I love you," he corrected softly. "But you didn't love
me, and
that's what my bull-headed pride couldn't take. For the first time
in my life
I wasn't in control. I was dancing to your tune, and I was furious
with
myself--and you--for making me like that. I'd walked on eggshells
for weeks,
tried everything I knew, and still you were holding out on me."
	"You mean I wouldn't go to bed with you," she said dully.
This wasn't
real. She didn't, couldn't trust that it was real.
	"Serena, look at me," he said huskily. "Please?" She raised
her head and
opened wary eyes to see his dark face just inches from hers. "I
admit at
first, right at the beginning, my sole aim was to get you into
bed," he
acknowledged quietly. "And part of my love is made up of sexual
desire; I
can't help that. But only part, understand? If I have to wait
until that side
of things feels right for you, I'll wait--however long it takes.
Maybe not
patiently--" he smiled, but she couldn't smile back --"but I'll
wait none the
less. Because I love you, all of you, not just your body or a
performance in
bed. I love your warmth, your tender heart, your sense of humor,
your purity--
"
	And now she jerked right out of his arms, her voice wretched
as she
said, "I'm not pure, though, am I? You know about.about him Allan
Ginga--don't
you?"
	"Yes, I know." There was a grimness to his voice that had
been absent
before. "And if he wasn't already dead, he'd have wished he was
after I'd
finished with him."
	"He's dead?" She stared at him open-mouthed. "Allan Ginga is
dead?" She
didn't feel any of the emotions she would have expected at such
news, merely
an overwhelming relief that there was no chance she would ever see
him again.
	"Heart attack," Darien said tightly, "while he was still in
prison. And,
frankly, it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. Retribution
isn't always
that swift, but in his case it wasn't a day too late. And listen
to me,
Serena." He took hold of her upper arms, his grip firm but gentle
as he looked
straight into her drenched eyes. "You are as pure and untouched to
me as the
day you were born. Raye's told me how hard it's been for you to
come to terms
with what happened for the last five years--"
	"Raye?" This was becoming surreal, Serena thought
bewilderedly, feeling
her grip on reality, lessening by the minute. "How have you spoken
to Raye?"
	"I telephoned her a few days after you'd left, when I
managed to get
hold of her number," Darien admitted sheepishly. "There was a
faint
possibility you might have gone there, instead of abroad, as Rita
had hinted--
" his raised eyebrows expressed his opinion of Rita's deviousness
"--and I
wanted to know where you were. I was worried about you. She
wouldn't speak to
me at first, but I crawled a bit--" never, Serena thought in
disbelief. Never
in a month of Sundays "--and she admitted you were with her, but
that you
needed time to sort things out--things that had been hanging
around for
years."
	"I don't believe this," Serena said weakly. "She didn't say
a word to
me." She didn't know whether to be upset at Raye's scheming or
touched by her
cousin's love for her.
	"She said if I cared anything about you, I wouldn't barge in
and confuse
the issue," Darien continued quietly. "I care so."
	Serena shook her head, her throat closing with fear. She
didn't believe
him; she couldn't believe him. Darien Chiba could have any woman
he wanted, so
why should she be the one he fell in love with? He might not be
aware of it,
but he was feeling sorry for her--she had seen him with Amy; she
knew that
hard shell had a soft center--but pity wasn't enough. It wouldn't
last. One
day he would tire of her, as he had tired of all the others.
	"Darien, please go," she whispered brokenly. "If you do care
about me
even a bit, please go."
	"No." it was unequivocal. "You said, that last morning, you
said.you
loved me. When you weren't thinking with your head, keeping up
your guard, you
said you loved me, Serena. It's been the only thing that has
prevented me from
'barging in', as Raye put it, because for you to say that, being
the sort of
person you are, you meant it, and I could trust you enough to
wait."
	Serena stared at him. She couldn't move. She couldn't think.
And she
needed to. She needed to deflect the question she knew he was
going to ask,
the question she could read in the mercurial deep blueness of his
eyes. "Do
you love me?" It was quiet, but there was a little tremble in the
words that
told her he wasn't as sure of her as he would like her to believe,
and it
touched her as nothing else could have done.
	She wasn't aware she was crying again until he reached out a
tentative
hand and brushed her cheek gently. "Do you, Serena?" he persisted
softly.
"It's the only thing that matters now."
	"It doesn't make any difference," Serena prevaricated
helplessly. "You
think you've got to prove to me that you still want me in spite of
the.the
rape, but I don't expect that sort of chivalry, Darien. And I
haven't changed
my mind about having an affair with you either. I couldn't--I just
couldn't.
I'm not made that way. It's got nothing to do with what happened
at
university; it's me."
	"Do you think I don't know that?" he bit back, with such
fury in his
voice that she stepped back a pace, totally taken aback. "I know
you couldn't
have an affair with me--damn it all, I know that. And I don't want
a brief
liaison with you either. I love you, dammit, and I want to marry
you. I want
you to be the mother of my children; I want to see you with our
grandchildren-
-when that beautiful hair of yours is white and you still look as
breathtaking
as ever. I love you, Serena. I love you."
	Should say something. Serena knew she should say something.
But she felt
caught inside a rushing spiral of feeling that was taking her she
knew not
where.
	"I don't know how to prove it to you," Darien said after a
full thirty
seconds had ticked by, when they had simply looked into each
other's faces,
and his voice was calmer now.
	"Especially in view of the stupid things I've said. But if
it takes
months, years, I'll make you believe me, Serena. If I don't marry
you, I
shan't marry anyone; I know that now. That garbage I said." He
shook his head.
"I won't marry anyone. I mean it. I'll simply wait and hope until
the day you
change your mind," he finished with magnificent humbleness.
	"Don't.don't do this." The whirlwind of emotion was taking
her upward,
towards the light, but it was hurting--it was hurting so much,
more than she
could bear.
	"You're my lady, Serena. You're all mine. In here, where it
counts." He
placed his fist across his chest. "You are everything I've ever
dreamt of,
everything I could ever hoped for--my perfect, beautiful,
miraculous lady."
	Through a haze of tears she looked at him, and now the
feeling was
flooding every inch of her body, making her light-headed as hope
surged deep
inside.
	"I'll show you how to learn to trust me," he continued, with
a
sensitivity that belied the cold, ruthless image he showed the
world. "Every
day, for the rest of our lives, I'll be there for you, Serena--not
my work, my
friends, family--not even our children. You will come first.
You'll always
come first. That's my promise to you."
	And then she was in the light, in a sudden, swooping rush,
and she
realized it was really that easy. He love her. She loved him. The
rest didn't
matter. Her traumatic past, his bitter disillusionment with life
and love--it
was all gone, burnt up in the healing fire of this all-consuming
precious love
they shared. She loved him and he was hers.
	Her senses were reeling, but through the dizzy wonder of it
she was
aware of his face, dark and compelling, as he willed her to
believe him.
	"I'm not going to stop asking you to marry me." He had
clearly mistaken
her stunned, wide-eyed wonder at the revelation which had burst
forth in her
soul as a prelude to refusal, and he took her hands in his,
willing her to
listen. "I know too well I've made a pig's ear of all this, and
you don't
believe me, but you will. I'll make you. I'm not going to go away,
Serena,
whatever you say or do. I'm going to keep knocking on the door of
your heart
until it opens again and you tell me what you told me that
Saturday. I shan't
give in."
	"Darien--"
	"I've been searching for you all my life without realizing
it," he said
huskily. "You're my other half; you're part of me. I can't let you
go. You're
what I was created for."
	"Darien."
	And now he did stop talking, and she recognized--with a stab
of love
that took her breath away--the vulnerability that was staring out
of his eyes
as he waited for her to speak. This big, hard, handsome man, this
giant in the
world of finance, who had more power and wealth and success than
the average
man could dream of, was just the same as any other emotionally
bruised human
being. Just as fearful of rejection.
	"I love you, Darien," she said softly. "I've always loved
you. I was
born loving you."
	His whole body tautened for one endless moment, and then she
was in his
arms, without any clear idea of how she had got there. The kiss
was long and
hard and desperate, and his mouth left hers only to cover her
eyes, her nose,
her throat, in little scorching kisses as he held her crushed
against him.
	"Does that mean yes?" he asked a long minutes later, when
they both came
up for air, his voice stifled and gruff with the passion that held
him in its
grip. "You'll marry me?"
	"If you're sure." Serena murmured dazedly.
	"Sure?" He looked down into her starry eyes, his face saying
all she
needed to hear. "I've never been so sure of anything in my life. I
ant to
spend every second, every moment with you."
	"What about your business empire? You won't be able to
devote yourself
to it in the same way," she warned tremulously. "Especially when
we have
children."
	"What business empire? I've forgotten it already."
	"And your friends? What if they don't like me?" she
persisted softly,
leaning back in his arms to see his face more clearly.
	"Tough." He pulled her closer. "But they'll love you. How
could they not
love you? Anyway--" he shook his head irritably "--what the hell
are we
thinking about other people for at a time like this? I don't care
about anyone
else, only you, and you only care about me." The arrogance was
pure Chiba, but
Serena had to admit he was absolutely right.
	But there was still one hurdle she had to face. She had to
tell him it
all--talk about the rape in all is ugliness and look at his face
as she did
so. It was the only way she could go forward into this new life
that was
beckoning in his eyes.
	"Darien, I need to tell you." She paused, her voice
breaking.
	"No, not if you don't want to," he said urgently. "Serena, I
love you.
It only matters to me in so much as it matters to you--"
	"I need to tell you," she said again, her voice firmer now
as she drew
on his love and support.
	It wasn't easy, and both their face were awash with tears by
the time
she had finished, but they were cleansing tears, born of hope and
love rather
than pain and misery, and he held her close to his heart for long
minutes when
she had finally stopped talking.
	"I meant what I said, my love." After a while he eased her
from him
slightly, in order to look in her face, but not before she had
felt the desire
trembling through the big, muscled body and the power of his
masculinity. "The
physical side can wait until you're ready. I want you to need me
as much as I
need you in every way--mind and soul and body. I want it to be
right for you."
	"Darien, you had it all from day one," Serena said softly, a
tremulous
smile quivering her lips.
	And then there was no more talking as his mouth sought hers
again in
hungry, tender homage, the loving reassurance mingling with a
rising passion
that she knew was for real.
	This was her man, this was forever. Whatever the future held
for them--
mountaintops of joy and happiness, and maybe the odd valley of
tears--they
would walk it together. Two hearts, two bodies, two souls united
as one.
	She was safe; she was home; she was whole.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The
End~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
******************************************************************
*****
Whew! Finally this story is done. I want to thanks all of those
who had e-
mailed me with comments and compliments. Also remember to check
out my other
fic at: http://www.moonchronicles.com and
http://members.xoom.com/portalsms/index2.html

    Source: geocities.com/tokyo/club/Club/6839

               ( geocities.com/tokyo/club/Club)                   ( geocities.com/tokyo/club)                   ( geocities.com/tokyo)