WUAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!
WELCOME!!
WUAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!
WELCOME!!
Jo: *She stands tall,(well, as tall as a girl who's five- foot-three can)and gazes over the rolling moors. She is dressed in black, all black, tight black leather, with a long black cape over it all. The cape has a large siver spider's web embroidered on the back. She is very proud of the cape, she spent a very long time making it. It's not easy being an Evil Villainess. You have to keep your outfit pristine at all times.*
Clef: *Innocently sitting on a grassy knoll, consuming a bowl of Lucky Charms.*
Jo:*Her face is streaked with soot, and she's dressed in camouflage, doing the marine crawl towards Clef. Never mind that it's broad daylight and there's nothing but grass for miles. Short grass. She's pretty obvious.*
Clef: *Out of the corner of his eye, he notices her. With a cheerful smile, he studiously pretends NOT to notice her. In a mischevious mood, he begins to sing.* Catch me Lucky Charms, they're Magically Malicious!!
Jo:*Withing moments, she springs towards him, yelling at the top of her lungs* GOTCHA!!!!
Clef: *He disappears in a cloud of smoke, then reappears a few feet away, laughing*
Jo:*She coughs frantically, and stumbles away* CLEF!!!
Clef: What? *Innocently*
Jo:Gimme! Gimme! GIMME!!!!
Clef: Nae. *He crosses his legs and sits on the ground. Reaching his hand into the air, he pulls a spoon from it, and goes back to his cereal.*
Jo:*She sniffles, then turns her back on him. Soon, she's sobbing wholeheartedly.*
Clef: *He waits a moment, testing to see if she's faking or not, then walks to her cautiously* Jo? Are ye alright, lassie?
Jo:*She continues to sob pathetically, plotting deviously at the same time.*
Clef: *He hesitanly pats her on the shoulder.* There, there, lass... it's nae worth all this, is it? *His defenses waver in the light of her misery.*
Jo: *She grabs him, and gnaws at him in a futile attempt to reach the Lucky Charms.* LUCKY CHARMS ARE WORTH ANYTHING!!!
Clef: *He holds the object of her covetousness barely out of reach, frantically trying peel her off of his back* GET AWAY! GET AWAY!! Ye're mad!!
Jo: *She snarls in frustration, and drops off of him suddely.* I don't have to take this. I'm going home. *She wraps a cloak of darkness around her and vanishes.*
Nakago: *He eyes her speculatively.* I really like you in leather...
Jo: Dear! *She smothers a giggle* You're not in this scene... Go away! *She claps a hand over her mouth.*
Nakago: *He heaves a huge sigh and vanishes.*
Jo: *She clears her throat and starts again. She gazes over the rolling moors, and watches for any sign of the Enemy. Her eyes narrow. There is movement at the edge of her vision.*
Clef: *Resigned to yet another encounter with Jo the Pretentious, he trudges slowly into view.* Hullo.
Jo: You have come. *She intones this with the air of one about to begin ritual combat.*
Clef: *He sighs, and gets out the Lucky Charms. He brightens as he pours the bowl.*
Jo: *Her eyes fill with jealousy and avarice.*
Clef: My, that was unattractive... *He spoons some tasty marshmallow shapes into his mouth and munches away.*
Jo: *She scowls at him, and surreptitiously checks herself in a mirror. Relieved that she still is looking as good as ever, she makes a grab for the misfit leprechaun.*
Clef: *Dodging with ease, he scowls as well.* I be nae leprechaun! It's the bleeding video games fault I got into this mess!!
Jo:*She keeps lunging at him.*
Clef: *He keeps dodging her. This becomes exhausting for the both of them after a few hours.*
Jo: *Panting, she gasps out* Why...*pant, pant* won't you give me... *puff, puff, wheeze* the freaking cereal? *She lies flat on her back, gasping for air and sodden with sweat.*
Clef: *Being in slightly better condition, he considers the question seriously.* I'm not sure, *He responds after a pause* It's a running gag. And it's what I do. 'Bye now! *He pops off in a cloud of marshmallow shapes, and leaves Jo behind.*
Jo: *Weeping and cursing in frustration, she screams* WHO DO I HAVE TO KILL TO GET SOME LUCKY CHARMS AROUND HERE!?!?!? *It's a stupid question. She knows it's a stupid question. Because the answer is one she knows. The answer is: Clef.* *Dun dun dun!!!!*
Clef: *He lies snuggles up in a huge bed. It has floorlength curtains and pretty sheets decorated in the pattern of pink marshmallow hearts, orange stars, blue moons, purple horseshoes, green clovers, and red balloons. The pillows are shaped like marshmallows. On second thought, the pillows ARE marshmallows. Hee hee.*
Jo: *Having made the resolution to commit murder, she steels herself. Dressed again in black, this time sans cape, she pries open the window to Clef's opulence. Sneaking in, she flattens herself against the wall.*
Clef: *He continues to snore, blissfully oblivious to his danger.*
Jo: *Wary of defense, she cautiously makes her way towards the be. She raises her ornate jeweled dagger high, and is stopped by a terrifying yet familiar voice.*
Nyan-Nyan: Hi-Hi!!
Jo: *A shriek escapes her, and the dagger falls to the floor with a clatter. The clatter rouses a large... hungry...Rottweiler... who happens to be sleeping at the foot of Clef's bed... Her eyes widening, Jo yells out* TIME!!! *Suspended animation immediately descends.*
Clef: *He opens his eyes* What? Why did you call time?
Jo: Uh, your Rottweiler was about to eat me!!
Clef: I have a Rottweiler? *He is obviously surprised*
Jo: *She merely points, the beast is large, vicious and drooling.* WHY???
Clef: I didn't do it!!
Jo: It's obviously your dog!!
Clef: I swear, I have no idea!!
Jo: *Totally angered, she swears at him violently.* YOU (&^*(&^#$(*&@!@#!@#$%^@#&!!!!!!!!
Clef: *Concerned, he cocks his head at her* Hey, watch the language... this is a PG site...
Jo: *Coming to herself, she blinks* I don't cuss... It's not my style... why did I just do that?
Clef: Um... I think we can only blame one person for this...
Jo: *she becomes increasingly suspicious as vague whistiling can be heard in the distance, as well as the clicking of a computer keyboard.* Clef, who's the perpetrator of this page?
Clef: One of your alter-egos, I believe...
Jo: It's Risu, isn't it?
Clef: Rizzo? *He has the metal picture of a scene from Grease, and the Pink Ladies stroll across the set.*
Jo: No, Risu! You know exactly who I mean, and she's making you change the subject because she hates me!
Clef: She hates you?
Jo: She's jealous of how kawaii I am...*suddenly, the Rottweiler comes out of SA and bites Jo on the butt* HEY! THAT'S CHEATING!!
Risu: *Her voice is heard from a distance, almost an echo, a voice of incomperable beauty.* Tell it to someone who cares...
Jo: Incomparable beauty? Don't make me gag... You make Hotohori look like he hates himself!! *Her hand lifts and she starts slapping herself* Hey!!
Risu: Rule of character survival: Thou Shalt Not Irritate The One Who Controls You. *She is entertained by Jo's beating herself.*
Jo: *A bolt of lighting falls from the sky and fries her.*
Clef: Um, Risu, aren't you getting carried away?
Risu: Can I have some Lucky Charms?
Clef: No. *Another bolt of lighting hits him.*
Risu: Are you sure?
Clef: You're even worse that she is! *He is black and crispy.*
Risu: You're no fun. *The sky darkens, and the scene is panned away*
Jo: Wait, we didn't even finish the scene...
Risu: Oh, yeah. Ahem.
Clef: *He watches in horror as his new Rottweiler tears into Jo's leg.*
Nyan-nyan: Heal! Heal!
Jo: The voices! The voices! *She shrieks as the good-intentioned midgets approach her. The scene fades to black.*
Risu: I mock you with my monkey pants.*She chuckles.* 
Clef: *He enters cheerfully, singing his song. He stops dead, noticing that Jo isn't in her Evil Villainess costume.* Hey, Jo-chan... what's wrong?
Jo: *She sighs disconsolately.* I'm having a bad day, Clef-sama... I'm not in the mood to banter. Do you mind terribly?
Clef: Oh, no.. that's fine. *He extends a fistfull of marshmallow shapes in her direction.* Want some?
Jo: No thanks, Cleffie... *She smiles* Not even you can fix this problem.
Clef: *His answering smile is slow and devious.* Wanna bet? *Suddenly, a shimmer appears in the air.*
Nakago: *He steps through the shimmer, and gives Jo a hearty wink.*
Jo: *Starry eyed* Getting better...
Clef: *He giggles, and Western Wear appears. Three other couples (M and Hotohori, Tasuki and Jan, Nuriko and his Infamous Generic Cowboy) step out of thin air. They are all suddenly in a large barn that smells suspiciously of barbecque sauce. Clef, clapping a cowboy hat on his head, tugs at the straps of his overalls and becomes the caller.* HOEDOWN!!
Jo and Nuriko: *They hit the deck as soon as he yells the words, then get up, giggling* Squaredancing! Yeah!!
Couples: *They partner up respectively and begin to promenade.*
Jo: Thank you, Clef!! How did you manage all this?
Clef: I've a certain influence with the Perpetrator, don'tcha know. *He buffs his nails against the front of his tunic.*
Nakago: *Sneaking a quick kiss from Jo, he inquires.* Are you feeling better?
Jo: All the time!
Nuriko: *Admires his Infamous Generic Cowboy.* You're very... muscular.
Nuriko's Infamous Generic Cowboy: *He dimples attractively* Why, thank you, Nuri-chan...
Tasuki: *Grousing, he complains to his woman.* Why do I have to dress like a ^&*@#!*(% cowboy?
Jan: *She hazards the opinion* Because you look good in tight jeans?
Tasuki: *Slightly mollified, he continues to mutter under his breath.*
Clef: *Calling the dance* Now, duck for the oyster!
Jo: *Holding Nakago tighly she sighs happily* I love dancing.
Nakago: *His slow grin becomes wicked, and yet somehow ... hopeful.* Tell me, love, do you tango?
Jo: *All the others fade away, and they are alone in a candle-lit ballroom. They strike a prepatory pose.* I love you.
Nakago: *He whirls her around* I know.
Jo: *As the scene fades to black, her voice is heard.* Arigatou, Cleffie!!
Clef: *He is immersed in a bubble bath so that all you can see is his shoulders up, as well as his toes peeking up above the foam. He is singing, as is his wont, but it's a new song.* Rubber Ducky, you're the one! *He grasps the bath toy in front of him, and causes it to squeak twice.* You make bath time so much fun! *Squeak, squeak.* Rubber Ducky, I'm awfully fond of you!! *He scrubs his back with a sponge on a stick* When I'm soaking with you in the tub, *Squeak, squeak.* YOu make it fun to rub-a-dud-dub!*Squeak, squeak.* Rubber Ducky, I'm awfully fond of you... You! Rubber Ducky! I'm awfully fond of you!
Jo: *Outside the room, she hears the singing, follows it, and finds Clef with a rubber ducky in the tub.* Oh my word...! *She listens for a bit, then bursts out laughing.*
Clef: *He stops singing.* Ducky, did you hear something?
Jo:*She snorts* You can't possible expect that thing to answer you...
Clef: *He stares at the intruder, clutching the rubber ducky protectively. Plaintively, he whines.* Why are you bothering me?
Jo: *She starts to become hysterical.* I'm not!... I heard you, and... *She collapses, clutching her sides* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!
Clef: *He sniffs disparagingly.* Don't knock it 'till you've tried it.
Jo: *Since she's not quite quick enough to come up with a reply to such obvious silliness, she utters a laugh that would make Naga of Slayers proud.* WUAAAAA HA HA HA HAAA!!!
Clef: *He whispers to his ducky.* She just doesn't understand. *He sighs, and gets out of the tub by the simple expediency of pulling a folding screen across in front of the tub. The sound of draining water is heard, as well as the "pop/hiss" of the tub deflating. He tosses the deflated tub over the screen, and emerges. His hair is wet, and he is sporting a stylish fuzzy blue bathrobe. His towel is around his neck.* Now, let me explain..
Jo: Don't bother, *She interrupts, still highly amused.* I don't think I want to know...
Clef: *Exsasperated, he stamps his foot* You've got it all wrong! *He murmurs to the ducky.* It's alright, you need to show her. *He pours a glass of icy water over the duck.*
Jo:*She begins to laugh uproariously, then stops, her eyes widening.*
Clef's Rubber Ducky: *It begins changing shape, growing, and becoming obviously female.*
Jo: OHMYGOSH! IT'S A-! SHE'S A-!! *She is silent, her jaw nearly touching the floor.*
Clef's Rubber Ducky: *She stretches from her curled-up position on the floor. She is soaking wet, and wearing a tiny yellow bikini.*
Two Dozen Austin Clones: *They can-can through in a Rockette line, wearing old-fashioned Bermuda shorts and singing.* She wore an itsy-bitsy, teenie-weenie, yellow polka-dot bikini... *They stop, stare, and begin to drool. One or two even manage a nosebleed.*
Jo: *She recovers enough from her shock to smack them all upside the head* OUT! Out! Perverts!!
Austin Clones: *They reluctantly exit.*
Jo: *She scowls after them and turns back to the duck. She chokes.* T-T- T-chan? Nani?
Tiffany, AKA Clef's Rubber Ducky: Oh, Hi Jo!
Jo: H-how did you end up like this? *She gestures at the older girl's Pamela Anderson Lee figure.*
Tiffany, AKA Clef's Rubber Ducky: Magic, of course! How does Nuriko's Infamous Generic Cowboy end up in the squaredancing scenes? *She shrugs coyly* I'm Clef's fantasy. Ain't I great? *She stretches deliberately.*
Jo: *A huge sweatdrop rolls down her cheek. She inches towards the exit.* Scary, scary...
Clef: Bathtime Fun Tiffany Transformer Doll comes complete with bikini and acts like a real person!
Jo: *She thinks for a moment.* Where can I get a Ken?
Nakago: *His voice is heard faintly in the distance.* Hey!!
Tiffany, AKA Clef's Rubber Ducky: *She laughs*
Clef: Each model is a hand-crafted replica of an actual person, exact in minute detail. This miracle of modern science can be yours for nine low payments of Personality sold separately, batteries not included.
Jo: *Cleverly, she inquires.* She's not really real?
Tiffany, AKA Clef's Rubber Ducky: Nope, I'm a sophisticated genetic experiment, manufactured in Taiwan. My purpose for existence is to serve every whim of my owner. *Her smile grows increasingly vapid.*
Jo: *Blinking furiously, she coughs.* You are one sick puppy.
Clef: *With a huge grin, he swats his Ducky's hind end.* Of course!
Tiffany, AKA Clef's Rubber Ducky: *She giggles madly.*
Jo: *Sweatdropping again, she turns SuperDeformed and runs away, quickly and expeditiously.*
Risu as Narrator: In a dark torchlit hall, a tall blonde warrior battles the Evil Skeletor. Thunder and Lightning are seen and heard, as rain lashes the windows. *Her voice fades out, as the scene appears.*
Skeletor: Give in, Woman! You have no chance! *He thrusts forward.*
Sheirah: Never! *She catches his blow on her sheild.* Back, evildoer! (Insert generic broadsword/He-Man/Conan the Barbarian-style fighting here.) Your evil ways will never triumph so long as there is one person who has the will to oppose you! (Insert other generic Good vs. Evil threats here.)
Skeletor: Then there shall be none to oppose me!! *He slashes at her*
Sheirah: *She stumbles back.*
Skeletor: *He lunges viciously for the kill.*
Clef: *He strolls into the hall behind Skeletor, and trips him.* Say, that's not very sporting of you. And messy, besides.
Sheirah: *She recovers, and levels her sword at Skeletor's throat.* I know not who you are, little man, but know this: You have the gratitude of Sheirah, Queen of the Galaxy.
Clef: *Cheerfully seating himself in midair, as is his wont, he replies.* Think nothing of it. *He pours himself some... what else? Lucky Charms.*
Sheirah: In the Name of All the Powers of Good, let Justice be Done! *With that thunderous pronouncement, she skewers the Bad Dude.*
Clef: *He gulps.* Oh dear. I do believe I've lost my appetite.
Skeletor: *He dies.*
Clef: Ick.
Sheirah: I'm sorry, little one. But you see, sometimes in life, *She is interrupted by the commencement of sappy, sitcomish music in the background.* Ahem. Sometimes, you have to do things for the good of the universe as a whole, no matter how distasteful you find them. Only when all evil is eradicated can the good find true peace, and the world will be a better place. *She pats his shoulder.*
Clef: Huh? *He is totally confused.*
Jo: *She bursts onto the scene.* THERE YOU ARE! *She stops dead.*
Sheirah: *She snatches her sword into a defensive pose.*
Clef: *Seizing a long-sought opportunity, he yells.* KILL HER!! SHE'S BAD!!!
Sheirah: *She takes Clef at his word, and lunges for Jo.*
Jo: *She dodges frantically.* HEY! What did I do?
Sheirah: *She pauses.* Yeah, what did she do?
Clef: *Mumbles around a mouthful of cereal.* She tried to steal my Lucky Charms.
Sheirah: A Necromancer! Evil! The short one must die! *She raises her sword over Clef*
Clef: *He cowers in terror.* Don't hurt me, please!!
Jo: STOP!! He's not a sorcerer, he's a leprechaun! There's a difference!
Clef: I'm not a bleeding- *He stops at Jo's glare.*
Ahem. Yes, I'm a leprechaun. Irish, don't ya know.
Sheirah: *She sheathes her blade, her voice filled with awe.* You would spare his life, though he would end yours?
Jo: He didn't really mean it. Besides, he kinda grows on you.
Sheirah: He does?
Jo: Like tree mold. But I'm fond of him nonetheless.
Clef: You are?
Jo: Hey, you let me squaredance.
Sheirah: You must be a genuinely Good Person!
Jo: Nah, not really... *She pulls a pint of Godiva Hazelnut Truffle ice cream from her pocket, and shoves a spoonful in her mouth.* I just try to stay on the sunny side. *Sure enough, it's time for a full-fledged musical number. She begins to sing.* Stay on the sunny side, always on the sunny side. Stay on the sunny side of life! You'll never feel the pain, as we drive you insane, stay on the sunny side of life! *An awards show chorus line, comprised entirely of Austins, parades in wearing full blinding yellow costume.*
Austin Clones: *They sing.* Stay on the sunny side, always on the sunny side. Stay on the sunny side of life! You'll never feel the pain, as we drive you insane, stay on the sunny side of life!
Clef: *He looks confused*
Sheirah: Uh...
Dick Clark: *He steps out of nowhere with an American Bandstand microphone.* So, miss, how did you like that one?
Sheirah: Uh, I like the beat...
Dick Clark: There you have it! How 'bout this one?
Austin Clones: *They can-can back in, wearing overalls and flannel shirts. In manly voices, they sing.* I'm a lumberjack, and I'm Okay, I sleep all night and I work all day...
Sheirah: *Baffled beyond belief.*
Clef: *He collapses in hysterical laughter.*
Dick Clark: And now, for the big finale!!
THE BIG FINALE
