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<~~ Ja Jang Myun Man
Shit Is A Powerful Word
Just think of all the concepts and ideas you can communicate with it. Shit may just be the most powerful word in the English language.
Consider: You can be shit faced, be shit out of luck, or have shit for brains. With a little effort you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit or decide to shit or get off the pot. You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit and die.
You can shit or go blind, have a shit fit or just shit your life away. People can be shit headed, shit brained, shit blinded, and shit over. Some people know their shit while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.
There are lucky shits, dumb shits, crazy shits, and sweet shits. There is bull shit, dog shit, cat shit, bird shit, whale shit, rat shit, and horse shit. There is tough shit, hard shit, soft shit, slimy shit, rough shit, limp shit. You can shit a blue streak, shit bricks, shit pink twinkies, shit marbles, or shit your guts out.
You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan. You can take a shit, give a shit, keep shit or serve shit on a shingle. You can find yourself in deep shit, or be happier than a pig in shit.
Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plane shitty. There is funny shit and sad shit, bad shit and good shit. Some shit doesn't stink while other things really smell like shit.
Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit. You can be faster than shit or you can be slower than shit. Sometimes you'll find shit on a stick, sometimes you'll find shit everywhere, and then there are times when you can't find shit at all. You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.
You can carry shit in a bucket, put shit in a barrel, have a pile of shit, have a mountain of shit, have a river of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle. You can slice shit, spread shit, dunk shit or jump shit, and some people just can't cut the shit.
There is fun shit and dull shit, silly shit and serious shit. Sometimes you really need this shit and sometimes you don't want any shit at all. You can stir shit, kick shit or stick your ass out the window and shit on the world. Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you swim in a lake of shit and come out smelling like a rose.
Shit! When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of creation. This means the universe did not begin with a BIG BANG but rather with a BIG DUMP. Keep that in mind the next time you flush the toilet. And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else
Thoughts For the Day (or Aphorisms For Our Time)
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull shit before.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as warning to others.
Ray's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
Paranoids are people too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.
Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.
Money can't buy love. But it CAN rent a very close imitation.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Most people lost in thought are in unfamiliar territory.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Top Signs of Net Addiction (exhibited by many of you)
You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
You get a tattoo that reads "This body best viewed with Netscape Navigator 1.1 or higher."
You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
You laugh at people with 2400-baud modems.
You start using smileys in your snail mail.
Your hard drive crashes. You haven't logged in for two hours. You start to twitch. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP's access number. You try to hum to communicate with the modem. And you succeed.
Lawyer Jokes
This is dedicated to my lawyer friends:
Charles Oppa, Brian Kim(punkass), , Edward Suh, John P. Kudel (myexboss), Jonathan Cho, Jay Oppa, and of course, David Choi. =)
Q: What's wrong with Lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes.
Q: What is a contingent fee?
A: A contingent fee means, if the lawyer doesn't win your suit, he gets nothing. If the lawyer does win it, you get nothing
Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
A: A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.
A man went into the Chamber of Commerce of a small town, obviously desperate. He asked the man at the counter, "Is there a criminal attorney in town?"
The man replied, "We think so -- but we can't prove it yet."
Q. What's the difference between God and a lawyer?
A. God does not think he is a lawyer.
Q: Why does the ABA prohibit lawyers from having sex with clients?
A: To stop clients form being charged twice for basically the same service.
Not My Beautiful Car!
A lawyer parked at the side of the road, and opened the door of his BMW. Suddenly, a speeding car appeared from nowhere, hitting the door and ripping it off of his car. The lawyer was outraged.
When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer whined, "Officer, look what that person did to my Beemer! You have to find him and arrest him!"
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick," the officer snapped. "You're so upset about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off in the accident."
"Oh my God....", gasped the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody stump where his arm had been. "My Rolex!"
As your attorney, it is my duty to inform you that it is not important
that you understand what I'm doing or why you're paying me so much
money. What's important is that you continue to do so.
-- Hunter S. Thompson's Samoan Attorney
Chinese Phrase -- English Translation
-------------- -------------------
Ai Bang Mai Ne = I bumped into the coffee table
Ar U Wun Tu = A gay liberation greeting
Chin Tu Fat = You need a face lift
Dum Gai = A stupid person
Gun Pao Der = An ancient Chinese invention
Hu Flung Dung = Which one of you fertilised the field?
Hu Yu Hai Ding = We have reason to believe you are harbouring a fugitive
Jan Ne Ka Sun = A former late night talk show host
Kum Hia = Approach me
Lao Ze Sho = Gilligan's Island
Lao Zi = Not very good
Lin Ching = An illegal execution
Moon Lan Ding = A great achievement of the American space program
Ne Ahn = A lighting fixture used in advertising signs
Shai Gai = A bashful person
Tai Ne Bae Be = A premature infant
Tai Ne Po Ne = A small horse
Ten Ding Ba = Serving drinks to people
Wan Bum Lung = A person with T.B.
Yu Mai Te Tan = Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with you
Wa Shing Kah = Cleaning an automobile
Wai So Dim = Are you trying to save electricity?
Wai U Shao Ting = There is no reason to raise your voice
<~~ Ja Jang Myun Man
