I am Chinese-Canadian. You can physically see this. I have black hair, dark brown eyes and golden skin. I am petite. You might even say that I look stereotypical from my size and shape. Yes, like many other middle class Asians, I had piano lessons as a child, but in no way was I a prodigy on the piano. I am good in math, but I am not interested in it. In fact, I am going to be receiving a B.A. in drama in the Spring of 2002! Very different from the stereotypical Asian student who majors in natural sciences, engineering or business. My majoring in drama has shocked some of my relatives. In fact, an aunt of mine gave me a strange look when she asked me what I was studying. She then told me that I'd never make any money with a drama degree and that I should be doing something useful, such as Applied Sciences (engineering) or business. Even my cousins are wondering why I'm working towards such a 'lousy degree'. Sometimes I wonder if they're actually studying for something that would make them happy or if they just want to have a lot of money. Money doesn't always make one happy. You can be very rich and still suffer from depression. My philosophy is to do what you want to do, even if it means that you'll live in a shack.
Yes, as a child, I did go through a phase where I didn't want to be Asian. Yes, I did run home saying that I wanted to be blonde and blue eyed like my best friend at the time. This was likely due to the children's stories I heard as a child, where the pretty girls were almost always blonde. There still weren't too many 'ethnic' stories in the 1980's. But since then, I have learned to accept my ethnicity. I have learned to understand it. Unlike many CBC's (Canadian Born Chinese) I can speak Cantonese without an obvious Canadian accent. Yes, I would use English phrases in Chinese (for instance, when I'm talking on the phone, I'd say in Cantonese "hi this is Cindy is so and so there?" while in Cantonese, one usually says "hi! Cindy. Is so and so there?") and yes, it sometimes drives some of the HK people I know just a tad bit crazy (they know that I'm "jook sing" (literally means "hollow bamboo", and is used to describe Chinese people born in the west because they don't fully fit into Chinese culture nor mainstream Canadian (white) culture) because of the phrases I use).
I'd say that I mostly had a typical 'Canadian' childhood with skating lessons, Brownies/Girl Guides (Girl Scouts in the U.S.) and summer camp. In Brownies, I was appointed "seconder" (assistant to the "sixer" who leads the "six") for my "six" (a group of 5 or 6 Brownies in the same unit). Brownies and Girl Guides isn't popular with middle class Asian families in my area, and probably still isn't, at least not two years ago when I returned to work as a Junior Leader. Most Asian-Canadian families I know send their children to tutoring programs like Kumon (in addition to the piano or violin lessons)rather than "fun" things like Scouting or Guiding. Sometimes I wonder why they do that. Perhaps they don't know about it? Or maybe it just isn't Asian custom to do so? This is something that I sometimes don't understand as there are troops in Hong Kong as well. But my parens thought that I should have a 'Canadian' childhood, so my friends (who have always been predominantly white) wouldn't think of me as some sort of oddball. Besides, I liked going to Brownies, and the competition of who had the most merit badges appealed to me. My favourite time of year was when we got our cookie order forms and I'd bug the neighbourhood people to buy cookies. (A time-honoured tradition haha) But I did do typically 'Asian' activities as well. I attended Chinese school for a couple of years, and started piano lessons at a very early age (age 4). I also played the violin for a couple of years, but soon traded it in for singing lessons, which I still am taking (I have since quit piano lessons). What I often find odd is that many Asian parents push their children into music lessons (I would say that 99% of the child piano prodigies in the Toronto area are Asian) but yet yell at them when they say that they want to make music their career. Why push them so hard if you don't want them to make it a career? Pressure isn't good for children. No wonder the teen suicide rate is so high in many Asian countries.
Unlike most Asian families, I did not learn English through my parents. They believed that I would pick up better English if I learned it through television and through school. They did not want me to pick up their accents. Since I do sound 'white' on the phone, some Chinese Canadians (many I know have a detectable accent) think I have "sold out". So I'm a liberal arts major in a university that isn't in town (most of the Chinese grads from my high school go to university here in town) and is a traditionally more "preppy/white-Felicity/Dawson's Creek" type school (as opposed to the more "hip" HK Chinese who live in Toronto). In fact, I am used to being the only person of Asian decent in a group setting. It was like that in summer camp (there were a number of Asians at music camp, but they were all in a strings program while I was in musical theatre) and in most of my drama classes at university. I don't feel uncomfortable about this, and I do not feel that my peers are ignoring me due to my ethnicity. I feel that I am accepted by the others in my class, and treated the way that I am expected to be treated.
So I listen to Sarah McLachlan and Chantal Kreviazuk rather than Canto-pop. So I was invited to the "mainstream" post prom party rather than the HK party. So I speak without an accent. Does that mean that I have sold out? Why is it that some people assume that a person is a 'sell out' because he or she doesn't act the way that they are expected to act? Why can't a person be him or her own self? Sure, in society, we have to follow certain rules and regulations in order to survive, but which society are we talking about? Perhaps I am following the rules and regulations of MY society. Perhaps my society isn't the same as yours.
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