GOLGO 13 - THE PROFESSIONAL
One shot, one kill, assloads of sex
Review by: Craig "This is My Rifle, This is My Gun" Norris
Length: 90 minute movie
Genre: Action
Watched: All, dubbed
You've kicked the KGB agents in the teeth. You've blown planes out of the sky from your helicopter. You've been lost for hours in those mazes with that same repetitive music that sticks in your head and causes you to go crazy! Now meet the man that inspired the NES game we grew up with. Marvel at his marksmanship. Tremble at his ferocity. Envy him as he gets laid over and over again!
Plot synopsis: After the assassination of his son, oil tycoon Leonard Dawson sets a plan in motion to turn the tables on the hitman and have him killed. But this is no ordinary hitman; this is Golgo 13, known the world over as the most efficient and cold-blooded assassin in existence. Dawson dispatches government agencies to track Golgo 13 around the globe, and even resorts to hiring a few assassins of his own to present him with his most difficult assignment yet: staying alive.
Artwork: For a movie from 1983, the art isn't all that bad. It's certainly better than a certain vampire hunter anime from the same time period in terms of visual quality. Character designs and the style in which they are drawn are indicative of the time period. Plenty of time is taken to showcase a few painted still frames, and action scenes are pretty smoothly animated, especially when G13 busts out the whoopin' stick. Although there are two specific things about the artwork I do have a problem with, though my first gripe has more to do with the cinematography. In a handful of cases, the same scene is framed and overlaid on itself multiple times, creating a hackneyed-looking layering effect that gives me bad flashbacks to my cousin's horrible independent film. I thought this was very unnecessary and served only as a distraction when it was used. Second, there is one scene where helicopters attack G13 when he's in a building, and the helicopters are CG. Now, remember that this film is from 1983, so the CG is bad. Really bad. You remember those old flight simulator games that came with Windows 3.1? Well this was worse. If you can forgive those two instances of lackluster quality (and it might be hard), the animation is at least tolerable.
Music: The soundtrack really fits the mood of the movie. Most of the melodies are subtle and dark, invoking the moods of the various characters, including obsession, hopelessness, and even plain old psychotic. However, when the action kicks up, so do the jams. The really juicy action sequences are often accompanied by fast jazzy guitar that helps make the scenes totally engrossing. There aren't many tracks that would make the album worth spending the money on, but their use in the film is very successful.
Characters: Despite the fact that I knew Golgo 13 was a killer-for-hire, and that he has committed many despicable acts for the sake of his own financial gain, and that he time and again demonstrates his general lack of morals and value of human life, I kept rooting for him. And I'm willing to bet that most other people will do the same. It's impossible not to admire the cool and deadly assassin whom no one knows the real name of. On that note, it is rather strange that, for someone whom no one is supposed to know the real name of, a lot of people call him by his real name of Duke Togo. There really isn't any way to describe his godlike instincts and abilities, other than to say he is more than deserving of his reputation. Leonard Dawson is a most interesting character, because we get to see his descent into complete and irrational obsession for killing G13. He goes from a proud father about to hand over control of his company to his son, to a twisted bastard whose goals and ambitions end or ruin the lives of everyone around him. Laura is the widow of the dearly departed son, and appears to be in a state of mental haze for the majority of the film as her father-in-law's inability to let her husband rest in peace slowly breaks her down. Then there are the various assassins and government officials that Dawson hires that are around for Dawson to yell at and for G13 to eventually kill. And, of course, let's not forget all the chicks that G13 gets to nail, most of whom wind up dead. And G13's informants/suppliers, most of whom wind up dead, as well. Basically, most of the characters are just around to be killed in a most violent manner, so I wouldn't get very attached to any of them if I were you. Except G13; he's cool.
Plot: The plot was segmented in such a way that it feels like watching a three or four episode OAV straight through. After opening with the assassination of the Dawson son, the plot is sidetracked by G13's pursuit of a Mafia crime lord, and again when he takes out someone in a high-rise in Los Angeles (an incident that I now and quite possibly forever will declare the greatest series of shots in anime history). Only after those two episodes does the plot to kill G13 really unfold. As far as content, there's lots of violence, and lots of sex. The sex scenes aren't something most of us haven't already seen on Saturdays after midnight on Showtime, so don't expect a hentai experience. A lot happens during the film, which makes it seem a lot longer than it actually is, which isn't a bad thing in this case. There are a couple of twists toward the end which are decent, but the biggest twist is the role reversal of the heartless killer looking like the hero, and the father seeking revenge for his son coming off as the villain. It was a very unique concept at the time of the film's release, and remains compelling even to this day.
CHICKS!: Like I said before, most of the chicks die at some point. And not in the quiet, dignified, eternal-sleep-in-the-arms-of-her-lover way, either. So, with that in mind, it might be best to follow G13's example by enjoying them briefly and not caring what happens to them afterwards. None of the chicks are ugly, by any means, but none strike me as being jaw-droppingly beautiful, either. They actually look like what most fairly attractive real-life women would appear as if translated to animation. So, for once, the anime women *aren't* better than the real thing! Kind of makes you want to get up from in front of your computer and meet people doesn't it? But come right back! After all, I doubt you've read every review on this site yet, have you?
Overall: I have yet to see an anime assassin go about his business as quietly and efficiently as Golgo 13. I also have yet to see anyone besides James Bond have as much sex as he does in the course of a single movie. Regardless of whether you like him or hate him for all that, he is undeniably a very interesting character that deserved to have the film named after him. Rest assured, I will rewatch the film and study his actions carefully, in the hopes of picking up a few pointers. I've already learned one lesson: be cold and unfriendly and women will beg to have sex with you.
In a Nutshell
+ Nice action
+ Lots of plot
+ Golgo 13 is the man!
- Bad CG
Rating: 8/10
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