Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible: Actual label instructions on consumer goods: On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how)? On some Swan frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's *just* a suggestion!) On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head. (How many do you have?) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:(printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! You lose!) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure??? Let's experiment.) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?) (Whose body?) On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.) On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!) On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children. (Or pets! What's for dinner?) On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space.) On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.) On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (but no peas?) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (have a lobotomy) On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. (What is this, a home castration kit?) On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
© 1997 aznmercury@aol.com
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