Sixten's Quotes Page

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These are quotes that I have used in my email signature

They are quite nice, fun, and educating!

  • "We take your bags and send them in all directions."
    - sign in a Copenhagen airline ticket office
  • "It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can do only a little. Do what you can."
    - Sydney Smith
  • "Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case"
    - Newspaper headline
  • "Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One"
    - Newspaper headline
  • "The reverse side also has a reverse side."
    - Japanese proverb
  • "When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire."
    - From school test paper
  • "Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."
    - Sign in a Budapest zoo
  • "Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare."
    - Blair Houghton on Internet
  • "The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children."
    - Clarence Darrow
  • "One of the greatest labor-saving inventions of today is tomorrow."
    - Vincent T. Foss
  • "The blood flows down one leg and up the other."
    - From school essay
  • "If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"
    - Abraham Lincoln
  • "There are two motives for reading a book; one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it."
    - Bertrand Russell
  • "When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it."
    - Clarence Darrow
  • "Henry Purcell is a well known composer few people have ever heard of."
    - From school test paper
  • "When I take a long time - I am slow.
    When my boss takes a long time - he is thorough."
    - Unknown
  • "The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get to the office."
    - Robert Frost
  • "I find television very educational. Every time somebody turns on the set I go into the other room and read a book."
    - Groucho Marx
  • "Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good."
    - Samuel Johnson
  • "Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted."
    - Unknown
  • "Traffic Dead Rise Slowly"
    - Newspaper headline
  • "God heals, and the doctor takes the fee."
    - Benjamin Franklin
  • "A fool and his money are soon invited everywhere."
    - Unknown
  • "Ernest Vincent Wright wrote a novel, "Gadsby", which contains over 50,000 words -- none of them with the letter E."
    - From 'Trivia and Useless Information'
  • "Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
    - Mark Twain
  • "Dealers Will Hear Car Talk Friday At Noon"
    - Newspaper headline
  • "After all is said and done, more is said than done."
    - Unknown
  • "Committee -- a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done."
    - Fred Allen
  • "Here lies my wife.
    Here let her lie!
    Now she's at rest.
    And so am I."
    - On a stone on a grave yard
  • "Where's there's smoke, there's dinner."
    - Unknown
  • "Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them."
    - Adlai Stevenson
  • "The unfortunate thing about this world is that good habits are so much easier to give up than bad ones."
    - Somerset Maugham
  • "The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase. If you pursue happiness you'll never find it."
    - C.P. Snow
  • "The future's not what it used to be."
    - Jesse Berst's Bywords
  • "Lady Astor once told Winston Churchill 'if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee'. His reply 'if you were my wife, I would drink it!'."
    - From 'Trivia and useless information'
  • "Living with a saint is more grueling than being one."
    - Robert Neville
  • "The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people."
    - G. K. Chesterton
  • "Princess Ann was the only competitor at the 1976 Montreal Olympics that did not have to undergo a sex test."
    - From 'Trivia and Useless Information'
  • "Spouse: Someone who stands by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you had just stayed single."
    - Jesse Berst's Bywords
  • "We all worry about the population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time."
    - Arthur Hoppe
  • "An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her."
    - Agatha Christie
  • "Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under socialism, the reverse is true."
    - Polish proverb
  • "The national flag of Italy was designed by Napoleon Bonaparte."
    - From 'Trivia and Useless Information'
  • "Senate Panel to Grill Democratic Chairman"
    - Headline in 'Yahoo News'
  • "What this country needs is more unemployed politicians."
    - Edward Langley
  • "Capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity of human life."
    - Orrin Hatch
  • "Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few."
    - George Bernard Shaw
  • "Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children."
    - Jesse Berst's Bywords
  • "Committee -- a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours."
    - Milton Berle
  • "Blind Woman Gets New Kidney From Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years"
    - Newspaper headline
  • "Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry."
    - Mark Twain
  • "A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you."
    - Bert Leston Taylor
  • "A lecture is an occsion when you numb one end to benefit the other."
    - John Gould
  • "A narcissist is someone better looking than you are."
    - Gore Vidal
  • "I am sitting in the smallest room in my house. I have your review in front of me. Soon it will be behind me."
    - Max Reger
  • "Illegal Aliens Cut in Half by New Law"
    - Newspaper headline
  • "Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it."
    - Stephen Leacock
  • "A bore is a fellow talker who can change the subject to his topic of conversation faster than you can change it back to yours."
    - Laurence J. Peter
  • "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
    - Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery
  • "Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control."
    - Bumper sticker
  • "Wherever you go, there you are."
    - Unknown
  • "In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah."
    - In a school paper
  • "In Vermont, USA, it is illegal for women to wear false teeth without the written permission of their husbands."
    - Trivia and Useless Information: Monthly Top 20, May 1997: American Law.
  • "A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience."
    - M. de Cervantes
  • "In the story of Cinderella, her slippers were originally fur, but they became glass because of an error in translation."
    - From 'Trivia and Useless Information'
  • "In Boston, it is illegal to take a bath unless one has been ordered to by a physician."
    - From 'Trivia and Useless Information', May (1997): American Law
  • "Watch the little things; a small leak will sink a great ship."
    - Benjamin Franklin
  • "Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then - we elected them."
    - Lily Tomlin
  • "If the auto industry were like the computer industry a car would now cost $50, would get 500 mpg, and at a random time would explode, killing all passengers."
    - Unknown
    Thanks to Douglas I've got this as it should be:
    "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving 25 dollar cars that got 1000 miles per gallon."
    -- Microsoft's Bill Gates, on General Motors
    "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"
    -- Statement released by General Motors in response to Gates' claim
  • "It's not hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere."
    - Jesse Berst's Bywords
  • "What do you get if you soak a 720 kB diskette in hot water?"
    "DD Tea, of course."
    - Unknown
  • "Itís the worst wheel of the wagon that screeches the loudest."
    - Spanish proverb
  • "History is a set of lies agreed upon."
    - Napoleon Bonaparte
  • "Compaq is considering changing the command 'Press Any Key' to 'Press Return Key' because of the flood of calls asking where the 'Any' key is."
    - from 'Laff Central'
  • "Monaco's national orchestra is bigger than its army."
    - from 'Trivia and Useless Information'
  • "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I ever met."
    - Abraham Lincoln
  • "Experience is not what happens to a man. It is what a man does with what happens to him."
    - Aldous Huxley
  • "Hitler, Nazi Papers Found in Attic."
    - Newspaper headline
  • "Change your thoughts and you change your world."
    - Norman Vincent Peale
  • "Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."
    - Accident report in insurance form
  • "A holy life will produce the deepest impression. Lighthouses blow no horns; they only shine."
    - D. L. Moody
  • "Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up."
    - Pablo Picasso
  • "Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire?"
    - Corrie Ten Boom
  • "If God is your co-pilot, switch seats!"
    - Kathy Taylor
  • "The "save" icon on Microsoft Word shows a floppy disk with the shutter on backwards."
    - From 'Comedy Center'
  • "A blind man's world is bounded by the limits of his touch; an ignorant man's world by the limits of his knowledge; a great man's world by the limits of his vision."
    - E. Paul Hovey
  • "If you can remember what you worried about last week, you have a very good memory."
    - Unknown
  • "I never came upon any of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking."
    - Albert Einstein
  • "In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
    - From accident report
  • "This is a great day for France!"
    - Richard Nixon, while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral
  • "Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)"
    - Error message in coming Win2000
  • "Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was rather large."
    - From school essay
  • "PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it."
    - Unknown
  • "You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth."
    - Unknown
  • 'A man inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."'
    - Unknown
  • "If you are what you eat, the Post Office must eat a lot of escargot."
    - Unknown
  • "My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there."
    - Charles Kettering
  • "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."
    - Edmund Burke
  • "ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle."
    - Unknown
  • "Life is easier to take than you'd think. All that is necessary is to accept the impossible, do without the indispensable, and bear the intolerable."
    - Kathleen Norris
  • "HANDKERCHIEF: Cold storage."
    - Unknown
  • "Daddy, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until after he marries her."
    "That happens in every country, son."
  • "Why is it that when you transport something by car it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?"
  • "The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form."
    - Stanley Randall
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