Dear Overworked Salaryman,

I'm teaching at an elementary school and can't keep control of my students. They get up out of their chairs and run around like a gaggle of wild geese, they bite me, sometimes drawing blood, and kick the seats in front of them. The classroom is utter chaos, but whenever I try to discipline them by telling them to sit down, or give them some sort of mild punishment to teach them that there are consequences for their actions, I am admonished by other teachers and my boss for being too harsh. I think that these children need to learn consequences, otherwise they will grow up with no sense of right and wrong. I mean who's really running this society? Children or adults?

What should I do?

Overworked Kindergarten Teacher

Dear Overworked Kindergarten Teacher,

Oreya omae no kimochi o yoku wakatteirundesyo! Ore no kodomo wa zen zen iu koto kikanai. Kino musume ga ore no saifu kara nana man en o katte ni nusunde, Prada no kaban o katta, doshiomo nai! Kodomo wa taihen da ya naaa.

Dear Overworked Salaryman,

I am a high school student in Yokohama. Recently I have been hearing many things on the news about war in Iraq. All Mr. Bush keeps talking about is war, war, war, and Mr. Koizumi just blindly goes along with him. I also keep hearing about North Korea, do they want war? What is war? I know it's something really bad, but my history textbook says nothing about it.

Worried About Something Called War in Yokohama

Dear Worried About War in Yokohama,

Ore no kaisha mo senso chu nan da yo. Taihen da yo na. Ore mo kaisha no shacho to mainichi tatakateiru, ano kaisha no dokusaisha o toashitain da! Sorede, ie ni kaitte, Saddam Hussein to onaji gurai osoroshii okusan ga itte, jinsei wa maru de senso mitai na mono sa, saiyaku da yo na...ahhh....beeru nomitakunatta.

Dear Overworked,

I was standing on the No. 5 platform of J.R. Nakano station at about 11:30pm last night and I think I saw you. Was that you passed out, slumped over in the plastic yellow chair with noodles stuck to your tie? I was going to get your autograph but you seemed too out of it, so I left you alone.

Curious Chuo-Rider

Dear Curious Chuo-Rider

Yoku wakatteiru na. Ore wa yumiejin ni natteiru kashira? Tonikaku, ureshiii, whiskey o nomi ni ikou!

Send your questions and problems to Overworked Salaryman for our next edition and he'll do his darndest to answer you!