He climbed into the bed, pulling the covers. He wanted to sleep and he didn’t even care if he still hadn’t brushed his teeth yet nor changed his clothes. His heart nearly stopped beating when he swore that he heard someone say his name. And he knew he wasn’t dreaming. He turned to look and saw two girls hovering near his bed. ‘Oh no…’ he thought, realizing that they were fans. ‘Keep your cool, Filan. Keep your cool.’ He thought as he forced a grim smile. ‘Hey, you two shouldn’t be here.’ He said, as kindly has he could. It was hard to keep out the icy tone in his voice, since he was so irritated. His sentence ended up sounding funny. ‘We know, and we’re totally sorry to bother you.’ ‘Well, if you’re sorry to bother me why’d you come?’ Shane wanted to ask, but he chose to be wise about it. Instead, he said, ‘Well, I promise if you girls kindly leave now I’ll try and spend some time with you tomorrow in the morning… coz I’m really tired right now…’ he said, and the girls looked pretty pleased with what he had promised them. They apologized once again before they left. ‘No, you aren’t sorry… I know you aren’t. You fans just want a piece of me… and I can’t take this anymore!’ Shane wanted to scream. He knew that he didn’t mean a single word he thought just now, but the stress was affecting him too much that it even affected his outlook on everything else in a very negative way.
He suddenly began hating the attention he was receiving. The lack of privacy was driving him Insane. How weird it is that before Westlife started, Shane was practically begging for the attention, the glamour, the fame and fortune. Look at him now. He was practically pleading to get out of it. Too much of anything is always bad for you as they say. He was getting too much of what he wanted, and he couldn’t handle it anymore.
People were becoming too greedy to know everything about him. They intrude his privacy, his family’s privacy, his friends’ own lives and all of the people around him. Maybe he wouldn’t be feeling like this if they didn’t do that. All they had to do was ask and he would definitely, or at least try to, give it to them. Or maybe, just maybe is she hadn’t left, Shane wouldn’t be feeling like this.
But then again, those information greedy people out there were the reason why she left him in the first place.
‘Give it up Shane! She isn’t coming back.’ He said softly as he lied down on the bed once more. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but he couldn’t. All that he could see was her face, like pictures being flashed across his mind.
Shane opened his eyes and looked around the room, trying to find something to do. He grabbed the remote control, but he couldn’t understand a single word. He was in a foreign country… for goodness sake! He didn’t even know where he was!
Shane turned off the television and grabbed his duffel bag that was just a few feet away from him on the floor. He fished out his discman and placed the earphones on his ears. Shane lied down, after kicking the duffel bag away from him. He was too tired to be bothered to pick it up and keep it out of the way. He pressed the power button and he placed the discman beside his pillow. He took out his wallet from the bedside table, and from the very back he drew out a picture and stared at it. He sighed, “Oh Mel… why did you have to go?’ he asked out loud. He placed the picture on top of his bedside table and stared at it. He must’ve stayed like that for ages, thinking of what it was that she could be doing or where she was when he realized that “Back at One” by Brian McKnight was playing. ‘Oh great… just great.’ He thought sarcastically, pressing the forward button. He used to love that song, but hearing it now brougbt back so much painful memories. Memories of times when he and Mel slow danced along to the song, or when Shane would sing it into her ear as she cuddled up to him. It used to be their song, but he couldn’t handle listening to it anymore without trying to hold back tears.
‘Hey, this sounds nice.’ He thought, as he listened to a different track. He suddenly realized that he had never actually listened to the whole album yet. Shane listened intently, as he was totally drawn to it for some unknown reason.
Do you ever think about me
Do you ever cry yourself to sleep
In the middle of the night when you awake,
Are you calling out for me?
Do you ever reminisce?
I can’t believe I’m acting like this
I know it’s crazy
But I can still feel your kiss
A shard twinge of pain filled Shane’s heart as he listened to the song. It was as if it were made for him. The lyrics totally took every feeling Shane had kept inside of him and put it into melody. It hurt him so badly that the tears threatened to pour down at any moment.
It’s been 6 months, 8 days, 12 hours
Since you went away
I miss you so much
And I don’t know what to say
I should be over you
I should know better
But it’s just not the case
It’s been 6 months, 8 days, 12 hours
Since you went away
Shane finally cried, after such a long time of hiding all the pain away. He never cried on the day Mel left him, as well as the days, weeks and months after that. He suddenly realized that it was practically his fault that Mel left. He cruelly told her, ‘Go ahead. Leave. It’s your loss, not mine. I can easily replace you anyway.’
At first he thought that Mel left for only one reason: she was tired of the press hounding her.She told him that herself. What Shane didn’t realize, was that there was more to her side of the story. Mel only used that as an excuse to leave him, to mask the pain that she was feeling and to make it easier for her. The truth was, she left because Shane had no time for her anymore, even if he did have the time. He was too caught up with all the attention he was getting from the press and the public that his relationship was falling apart without him noticing it. He was too blinded by the flashes from the cameras and the money to know and realize how much he had changed. No matter how much he denied it, he wasn’t the same anymore. He became arrogant and self-centered without being aware of it. He changed into some sort of monster that he pushed away the only source of true happiness in his life.
When Mel left him, he didn’t even make an effort to go after her and tell her that their love was strong enough to survive through anything. He didn’t do a thing. ‘She’ll be back. She can’t live without me anyway.’ He arrogantly told himself. But he was so wrong. Hurt by the fact that his ego was bruised, he pushed his feelings aside and pretended as if he didn’t care. Deep inside his soul, he knew that he was dying. He needed the love of his life. He knew he was lying when he told her that she could easily be replaced. Shane could never replace his soul mate, his love, his source of life, the reason he survived.
Do you ever ask about me
Do your friends still tell you what to do?
Every time the phone rings
Do you wish it was me calling you?
Do you still feel the same?
Or has time put out the flame
I miss you
Is everything okay?
Shane wept bitterly, his tears falling to the pillow, dampening it. ‘Oh Mel… if you only knew how much I want you back.’ He thought, holding the pillow tight. He closed his eyes, trying to imagine that it was Mel that he was holding right now.
Even though he pretended not to care about her anymore, Shane thought of her every single day. There was never a single day that had passed that he never stopped to think of what Mel could be doing. If only she knew how much he spaced out because of her. If only he knew if Mel ever thought of him. ‘But she won’t,’ Shane thought, sighing deeply. Once Mel hated something, she would never talk about it, or even try to think of it.
‘I miss you Mel.’ He whispered, his body shaking as he sobbed uncontrollably.
It’s been 6 months, 8 days, 12 hours
Since you went away
I miss you so much
And I don’t know what to say
I should be over you
I should know better
But it’s just not the case
It’s been 6 months, 8 days, 12 hours
Since you went away
‘If only she didn’t leave.’ Shane thought. It was partly the public’s fault. Mel hated the limelight, whereas Shane loved every single second basking in it. She hated the attention from the fans, especially the negative treatment she gets from the immature ones. Isn’t it so weird to hate something that you love? If it weren’t for them, he wouldn’t have lost Mel. But why was Shane blaming other people when he knew that he had no one to blame but himself. He sighed, finally accepting defeat.
It’s hard enough just passing the time
When I can’t seem to get you off the mind
And where is the good in goodbye
Tell me why
Tell me why
The days passed by agonizingly. The pain had totally sunken into Shane’s heart, and it was beginning to show. Everyone could see how miserable he was, but no one had a clue on how to cheer him up. Everyone had already forgotten about Mel, since she was what the press called, “yesterday’s news”. But Shane didn’t care what they said about her. They didn’t know the truth on why she left.
Everyday Shane kept thinking of her as he lived his dismal life. She may have said goodbye, but there was no way he would ever let her stop him from loving her. He made a vow to himself that if he ever finds Mel again, he would never, ever let her go.
It’s been 6 months, 8 days, 12 hours since you went away.
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