He always looks away.
***
"... But I really have to do this," Mark explained, avoiding my eyes. He busied himself packing clothes into his suitcase. " You know how much I want this."
I know.
I put a big smile on my face. "Yes, of course. I mean, this is your big chance," I said as I handed him a sweater. I was truly proud of him.
Mark stopped in mid-pack and smiled at me. "So, it's okay?"
I stared at his big blue eyes, twinkling with excitement. There was fire in them.
And just that.
"Yes, silly!" I gave him a quick peck on his cheek. "Finish packing already. Shane's waiting downstairs." I tossed him a shirt playfully and headed out his room, closing the door behind me.
I tasted blood on my lips.
I had bit on my lower lip so hard to keep my tears from falling.
On the other side of the door, I heard Mark shuffling around the room, loading his suitcase.
He just seems so happy... This is what he wants...
But not long ago, going to college together was all he had wanted. What they both had wanted.
What they had planned. Just being together...
We had so many plans...
And now... here he was, a member of a new and fast-rising band on their way to London. On the way to stardom.
On the way... without me.
I sighed. I knew things were going to be very difficult between us from now on.
Well, at least he said he would call everyday.
***
"I'm sorry, Aira." Mark finally spoke, breaking the silence between us.
That's what you had said last time.
And all those other times...
***
"I'm sorry, Aira... he can't come to the phone right now," Shane replied apologetically. "He's,um, wiped out at the mo'."
I hadn't seen Mark for 6 months now, and in that span, I had talked to him on the phone twice. I was grateful to Shane who had bothered to call at least thrice a week, keeping me up-to-date with the band and giving lame excuses when Mark didn't call or couldn't come to the phone. Shane never was good in telling lies, anyway. I smiled at the thought.
I tried not to sound disappointed. "Oh, that's alright. Tell him I said 'hi'."
"I'll make sure."
I thought Shane suddenly sounded serious. But it was only a moment. I must have imagined it because Shane didn't miss a beat.
"The guys are saying hel---Bryan! I'm not done talking yet!"
I put on a cheerful voice as the lads except Mark spoke with me on the phone.
***
"You know I loved you," Mark whispered to me.
That was a long time ago, I wanted to say to him.
I saw tears spring to his eyes. He made no move to wipe them away.
"I love you."
Though I hadn't heard those words for a long time, I was partly glad to hear them.
But it was too late for that now.
"Isn't it too late for that?"
The voice was not harsh, rather smooth and gentle. Similar to the person to which it belonged.
Mark didn't even look up. "Yeah, I know," he said and wiped the tears from his face with the sleeve of his jacket. He smiled sadly at Shane. "I just had to say it...
...In case she hears me."
I hear you. I wanted to reach out for him, embrace him... but I knew I couldn't.
Shane put a comforting hand on Mark's shoulder. "She hears you, man. She knows."
My gaze shifted to Shane and I noticed his eyes brimming with tears. Threatening to fall. But didn't.
"I loved her, too."
Mark gave his friend sad smile, just a hint of his dimples showing. "We all loved her."
He bent and kissed my tombstone, then lingered his forehead on the cold, gray slab, his eyes closed. But then he got up and walked away. Before he could break again.
Shane watched him go, his hands clenched tightly at his sides. When he released them, the tears fell.
"More than you know, Mark.
And more than she'll ever know."
I stared at him.
"I didn't know, Shane...
I'm so sorry..."
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