Specially dedicated to Mark's late grandfather who passed away on June 5th 2000 and to my late grandfather who passed away on June 7th 1997.
Mark rolled and stumbled out of his bed in despair. His mobile phone had been ringing non-stop, and as much as he'd tried to ignore the calls, the stubborn caller kept on calling. Mark gave up and rolled over to the side table where he'd put his mobile before he went to bed. To his own surprise, the mobile blinked "Home". "Yeah" he finally answered hoarsely. "Mark, what took you so long to pick the phone?" a voice complained from the other side. "Mam, what are you doing calling me this hour. I'm in the States, mam, 6 hours left behind you, it's a well cheerful 3am over here" Mark moaned after recognizing whose voice and what time it was. "Sorry, darling... but this is rather urgent." his mam apologized, her voice was quavering, and even though she tried well to hid it, Mark could sense something was wrong. "Mam, what's wrong?" Mark sat up, alarmed, "Are you OK?" "I'm OK darling, I am. but your grandfather isn't." "Grandpa? What's wrong?" "Mark, your grandfather had a heart attack very early this morning and. and the doctor said... his chance of surviving is slim" she stopped, sighed, and continued, "Mark, everybody is here and we hope you're here too." Mark's mam started sobbing. Mark was frozen in spot. Had he heard it right? His grandfather had a heart attack? He was speechless and thoughts twirled inside his mind. "Mark, are you still there?" his mam asked, after not hearing anything from her son's mouth. "I. I'm still here, mam, I'm here." he managed to choke out, "I'll. I'll talk to Louis and see if I can go home couple of days until. until grandpa gets better." He could only hear his mam's sobs at the other side. "He will get better, mam, he will. Don't worry." he added, trying to assure his mam and himself. "Thank you, Mark. Let me know everything, OK, and get here quick." His mam said before she said goodbye. Mark turned the mobile off and put the phone down. He just sat there looking at the TV he left on before he went to bed. He flicked the TV off and looked around the dark hotel room. What was he supposed to do? He sighed again and picked his mobile to dial a number. He dialled the number and the number was soon converted into a name on the screen, 'Louis'.
***
Mark looked around his room again. It was already bright early in the morning and the room was no longer dark. He'd packed since an hour ago. He's leaving his entire luggage there and he was only bringing his rucksack where he'd pack a pair of clothes and all the paper stuffs he'd need for the flight. He'd called Louis right after and Louis had booked him the first flight from New York back to Sligo. He'd have to go to London first, change plane to Dublin and catch the last flight to Sligo. He was thankful that Louis understood him. Louis didn't want Mark to not be there if his grandfather passed away like how Nicky was when his cousin, Kenneth, died the previous year. Luckily, Bryan had gone back to the States after his well deserved break in home during their US promos, or the band wouldn't work if they have to go on as a three piece without Mark & Bryan. There was a knock at the door and Mark opened it. Bryan was standing in front of the door. "Hi mate, I heard about your grandfather from Anto. I'm sorry to hear that" he hugged him. "That's OK. Sooner or later it must happen" Mark smiled. Bryan went in and picked Mark's luggage to be moved into his own room. He'd be keeping an eye on Mark's stuffs while he's away. If it had been in a normal situation, Mark would have doubted to put his stuffs in Bryan's, especially considering the fact that Bryan is the God of Deutziness in Westlife. But he didn't really care much about his belongings that time and was thankful that Bryan was willing to keep an eye on them. The other lads went into his room too to give their sympathies and Mark was really chuffed by all the care they've given him. He went to the airport with Nicky, driven by one of their record company peep. Nicky stayed with him in the waiting lounge before the plane board off. While waiting, none of them said anything at all. Nicky felt awkward to start a conversation and Mark was off in his own world thinking about everything that crossed him mind. Suddenly his eyes were getting misty and a tear trickled down his cheek. Nicky saw this and gave Mark a comforting friendly hug. "Let it all out, Mark. don't keep it in for yourself. I know how it feels. I've been there. look at the good side, there's still hope for you to see your grandfather before he dies. If you still have the chance, tell him goodbye. I never had the chance to say that to Kenny, and the regret is still here" Nicky put his palm in his chest. For a moment, Nicky's eyes were misty too. Mark knew how Nicky was still saddened by the lost of his cousin last year before the band even took off. Nicky was really close with his cousin just as he was with his grandparents. "Thanks Nicky! Thank you!" Mark hugged him before he board. Nicky gave him the thumbs up and Mark waved goodbye before walking into the plane.
The flight took 6 hours before it arrived in London at 9pm local time. He quickly changed plane into another plane and arrived in Dublin in another hour. In Dublin, he took another last flight to Sligo. The last flight was supposed to leave two hours before, but Louis had asked the flight company professionally so that Mark could get back into Sligo that night too. He arrived in Sligo at almost midnight and took a cab from the airport. Sligo was looking like a dead town at that hour. It was really quiet and quite dark. Only couple of places still had their lights on, mostly clubs. The cab arrived at its destination, his grandfather's house, and Mark paid before getting out. He knocked at the door softly, afraid of waking up anybody. His mum opened the door. She looked tired and her face was tear stained. She leapt up and hugged him as soon as she realized who it was. Mark couldn't stand the sight of his mother crying so he cried too inside her arms. His dad showed up a little while later and told them to get in. Mark realized that all his family was already there. The older ones are gathered in the living room while the younger ones were asleep in the spare rooms. They all looked tired. Most faces were tear stained and most eyes were bloodshot. Some waved him hello as they saw him coming and he could only reply with a weak smile. "Am I too late?" he asked. "No, he's still resting. We've all talked to him. leaving you only... he's with Nan in the room" one of his aunts answered. Mark nodded and went towards his grandparents' room. He stopped when he stood in front of the door. Reluctantly, he stepped into the bedroom. Inside, he saw his grandfather lying restlessly in the bed with all the machines helping him to live. His grandmother was sitting on the side of the bed, holding his hand, talking as if he could hear her. She looked up when she realized someone else was in the room. She smiled when she saw Mark. "Mark dear, you're finally here. Come here my love..." she gestured him to sit beside her. He did. Once he's sat beside her, she pulled him into her hug. "Oh Mark. He had been waiting for you. "Sorry, the flight wa-" Mark wanted to reply, but his grandmother smiled understandingly, "I know, love, I know" Mark sat there looking at his grandfather. "Sooner or later this will happen. And it is happening now. Everybody already said their goodbyes, Mark, except you." Mark looked at his grandmother, "I can't say goodbye, Nana, I can't." he shook his head, as if he was trying to assure himself. His grandmother hugged him, "you have to, love, you have to. or you wouldn't have another chance to say goodbye." Mark sat himself in his grandfather's bedside and took his hands. "Grandpa. I. I want to. to." he stopped and sighed. He continued to look at his grandfather, not saying a thing. All his memories flood back at him. Oh how he wanted his grandpa to be well again. He remembered how his grandfather gave him a puppy for Christmas. And how he used to take him around Hazel Wood, telling him stories about the place. And how he used to run and hide in his grandparents' house when his parents told him off. How he always encourage him to get up and sing in front of the family on family gatherings... how proud he was when Mark succeed in getting what he always wanted to do. singing. Another tear run down his cheek. He wiped it off and stood up, walking outside the room. He couldn't say goodbye. He didn't want to say goodbye. His grandmother could only look as he stepped out of the room, hanging his head down low. He sat down in one of the empty chairs in the living room. Most people there looked tired. Some were praying for the slightest hope for their grandfather to survive. Mark covered his face with his hands and softly massages his forehead. Things were getting a bit too much for him. He clasped his hand and started to pray. He was begging so his grandfather could live longer. He wanted his grandfather to see the success he's achieving with the band. His grandfather encouraged him to start, and he wants him there to see him succeed. He didn't know how long it had been when suddenly the door of the grandparents' room creaked, and their grandmother stepped out. She was trembling, and tears were falling from her eyes. Nothing more was to be told. Everybody knew that by that time their grandfather was gone. Mark's mum stood up and hugged the fragile grandmother. Sobs and tears followed gasps and little chokes. Everybody was hugging those nearby. Mark looked blankly at nothing in particular. He's gone, he thought. His grandfather's gone, and he never said his goodbye. He buried his face in his hands again. Subconsciously, he hummed. "I'm never gonna say goodbye, cos I never want to see you cry."
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