The fire crackled softly in the hearth, and Bernice watched the flames dance around aimlessly, with a blank expression in her face. ‘What are you thinking of love?’ asked Shane, who was sitting beside her. He drew her closer to him, wrapping her in his strong arms. ‘Nothing.’ She lied, unable to look at him. Shane sighed deeply, for he knew very well what she was thinking of.
Tomorrow morning I have to leave
But wherever I may be
Best believe I’m thinking of you
I can’t believe how much I love you
‘Bern…’ Shane whispered, drawing her face closer to his. And there he saw it. Pain suddenly washed over Shane’s heart. He couldn’t bear to see her like this. Tears glistened in her eyes, making them sparkle in the firelight. But there was so much pain in her eyes, and the sadness was immeasurable. ‘Shane, I don’t want you to leave.’ Bernice whimpered, as she buried her head on his shoulder. She sobbed softly, the sounds of her cries muffled by Shane’s body as he held her closer and tighter. He felt her tears slowly soak his shirt. It was all that Shane could do not to cry as well. ‘I don’t want to leave honey, but you know I can’t do that.’ he said, sighing softly.
All we have is here tonight
We don’t want to waste this time
Give me something to remember
Baby put your lips on mine
And I’ll love your forever
Anytime that we find ourselves apart
‘Hey… baby, don’t cry.’ Shane whispered, wiping Bernice’s tears away. ‘I can’t help it Shay. I just really want to be with you all the time.’ she said sadly, looking down at her own hands. ‘I want to be with you all the time too. Bernice, if I could, you know that I would have asked you to marry me a long time ago.’ He said softly, holding her hands. Bernice sighed deeply, not knowing what else to do. She and Shane have already been together for some time now, but no one knew. It was because of the band, most especially the fans. Another one was Bernice’s parents. They didn’t like Shane one bit, and Bernice had no idea why. Was it because he was famous? She had no idea. More tears started running down her cheeks, like water overflows when a glass is already full. ‘Bernice, love, please stop crying. You wouldn’t want us to spend our last night like this right? Come on love, stop crying. It hurts me more than it hurts you to see you crying.’ Shane said tenderly, making Bernice look him in the eyes. ‘You’re right.’ She said, trying to smile. She wiped away her tears. She had to be strong for Shane. She just had to. She hated letting him down more than anything.
Just close your eyes
And you’ll be here with me
Just look to your heart
And that’s where I’ll be
If you just close your eyes
Till you’re drifting away
You’ll never be too far from me
If you close your eyes
‘Wakey-wakey…’ Shane whispered, tickling Bernice with a duck feather that got out from the pillow. She giggled softly, saying ‘I’m already awake silly!’ They tickled each other for a few minutes, laughing and rolling around the bed. ‘Stop! Stop!’ Bernice shouted, her brown eyes sparkling as tears of laughter rolled down at the corner of her eyes. Shane was on top of her, still tickling her. ‘I’ll stop if you give me my good morning kiss!’ Shane said, making Bernice giggle more. ‘How can I kiss you when I can’t stop laughing?’ she gasped, and Shane immediately stopped. Bernice was still giggling softly when Shane kissed her, softly at first. His kisses deepened gradually and he kissed her hungrily with such ardor. It was as if Shane was travelling the desert for days, and Bernice was water in a cool oasis. ‘Don’t leave..’ she whispered, holding Shane close. ‘I… I can’t.’ he whispered sadly, looking into her eyes. Moments earlier, tears of laughter were rolling down her cheeks, but now, tears of pain replaced them.
I know I’m gonna see you again
But promise me that you won’t forget
Cause as long as you remember
A part of us will be together
‘Please, stop crying. I’ll be back soon. Before you know it the two months are over and I’m coming back here.’ Shane assured Bernice, kissing her soft lips. ‘It’s just that every time you go, I feel empty. I feel like a part of me is missing.’ She sobbed. ‘Bern, it’s coz part of you is with me, always.’
So even when you’re fast asleep
Look for me inside your dreams
Keep believing in what we’re sharing
And even when I’m not there to tell you
I’ll, I’ll love, love you forever
Anytime that I can’t be where you are
‘I’ll miss you.’ Shane said, as he and Bernice stood together at the airport. ‘I’ll miss you too.’ She replied, giving him one last kiss. Bernice felt that she had no more tears left to cry, but that dull ache was still there in her heart. ‘Shane, we have to go.’ Nicky said, as he stood by the entryway to board the plane. Bryan, Mark and Kian have already gone in. Shane nodded, motioning for Nicky to go on ahead. ‘I’ll be thinking of you princess.’ Shane said, kissing Bernice for one more time.
Just close your eyes
And you’ll be here with me
Just look to your heart
And that’s where I’ll be
If you just close your eyes
Till you’re drifting away
You’ll never be too far from me
If you close your eyes
Bernice looked out of the window, still feeling very glum. It’s been a few days Shane left, but she still couldn’t get him off her mind. The feeling of longing was always there. Shane did call her every single day for about 30 times or more, but it was very different from having him near.
Is there anywhere that far?
Anytime you’re feeling low
Is there anywhere that love cannot reach?
Oh no
It could be anywhere on earth
I could be anywhere I’ll be
Oh baby if you want to see
‘Hey baby.’ Shane said, holding his mobile phone close to his ear. The sweet sound of Bernice’s voice filled his ear as she answered, ‘Hey to you too!’ ‘What’s up?’ he asked, as he looked out of the car window to see the view. Bryan had been pointing frantically at something, but he couldn’t make out where Bryan was actually pointing. ‘Well, I can’t tell you much really, coz I haven’t really done anything for the past 10 minutes since you last called me.’ She answered, giggling softly. ‘Aww… well, I can’t help it! I really miss you.’ He said. ‘I miss you too.’ Shane heard her say. Her voice was breaking, and he knew that any moment now she was about to cry. Much to his surprise, Shane suddenly found himself singing
“You just close your eyes
And you’ll be here with me
Just look to your heart
And that’s where I’ll be
If you just close your eyes
Till you’re drifting away
You’ll never be too far from me
If you close your eyes.”
Bernice looked around her. It was so strange. Everything felt so different. How much she had longed to be in Ireland, but now that she was finally here, she felt as if it was the last place she ever wanted to be in right now. ‘Not like this… I wanted to come here but not like this…’ she whispered, wanting to scream it out at the top of her lungs.
‘Dearly beloved, we are gathered here on this fateful day to mourn for the death of Shane Steven Filan, who has left us in this world we live in for eternal rest with God and his angels up in heaven.’
Bernice couldn’t take it any longer. She couldn’t bear to hear more. Shane’s relatives and family looked at her as she ran away, as fast as her legs could carry her. She had to get away from everything. Seeing Ireland for the first time was just too much for her, now that Shane was gone. Everywhere she looked, she could imagine Shane walking, smiling, talking… he was everywhere. Bernice reached a bridge, and there she suddenly fell on her knees. She cried, not knowing where else to turn to and what was to become of her now. She knew that her life began when Shane entered it, making everything so lovely and perfect. She felt loved, wanted and safe.
Bernice looked over the bridge, and her eyes filled with more tears as she looked into the water. As if in a movie, her mind seemed to project onto the surface of the water what happened on that fatal day. She was talking to him on the phone when it happened. He had been singing even… Shane whispered how much he loved her, and when she was about to answer she heard a loud crash. There were loads of screaming and shouting, and the line went dead. She was in total panic at this moment, not knowing at all what happened. She then later on found out in the news that there had been a horrible car accident, and that Shane was in a critical condition. Bernice immediately rushed to pack her bags and get a ticket to the US where Shane had been at the moment, but she was too late. Shane had already passed away a few hours before she arrived. ‘He’s been calling for you Bernice… all he wanted was to see you, and we were so helpless to give him that. I was the one who was supposed to be at front of the car… not him… I traded places with him… it’s my fault that he died. Bernice, I’m so sorry!’ Nicky sobbed, sorrowful at the loss of a friend. ‘It’s not your fault Nicky, it’s nobody’s fault…’ she whispered, trying to sooth Nicky and trying to keep from breaking down. She couldn’t cry for some odd reason. The others thought that maybe she didn’t really love Shane. What they didn’t know, was that the reality that Shane was already gone hadn’t sunk into her yet. ‘Bernice… I know this isn’t the right time… but, Shane told me to give this to you the moment you arrive if he didn’t make it…’ Kian said, holding back tears. He handed Bernice a velvet box, that inside held the most beautiful engagement ring she had ever seen. There was a note folded inside it, tucked away at a corner. “Bernice, I’ll love you not only for the rest of our lifetime, but forever… Shane”
Bernice cried harder, feeling empty and hollow inside. ‘Why?!’ she shouted, grief filling her voice. Why was Shane given to her if he would be taken away in the first place? She had no one now, and she was alone. Bernice knew she would never be with Shane again, and there was no way that they could be together. But as her eyes gazed over to the water in the bridge, it seemed so inviting. It was like Death was calling her, and she wanted so much to be in Death’s arms, now that she had nothing. ‘Don’t…’ a voice in her head said. She knew it was impossible, but it sounded so much like Shane. Maybe she wanted so much to hear him, see him and hold him that she was imagining him in her head. A new kind of feeling swept over her, and everything that was so crazy and chaotic seemed to have just disappeared in a single moment. ‘Shane?’ she whispered, her voice trembling. She wiped her tears away, looking around. There was no one else at the bridge. It was completely deserted. ‘I’m here.’ Bernice gasped, hearing Shane’s voice again. Was she going crazy? No, it couldn’t be. Shane was dead. There’s no way he could talk to her. She kept looking around her, not knowing what it was exactly that she was looking for. ‘I’m here…’ she heard Shane whisper again. ‘Where? Where are you? I want to see you!’ she said out loud, frantically looking around her. Still, there was no one. ‘I’m here… in your heart and I’ll always be here Bernice. I love you.’ Bernice calmed down upon hearing this. She didn’t know if she was losing her mind, or if she thought all of that up herself, but inside, it was the most wonderful feeling she had ever felt since Shane passed away. As quickly as the feeling came upon her, it went away, as she heard Shane’s voice say, ‘Goodbye Bernice… I’ll love you… forever.’ ‘No! Don’t… don’t leave me…’ she said, as tears started to well up her eyes once again. Her tears fell one by one, until they were cascading like a waterfall. She sank on her knees again, a wave of sadness coming over to her once more. Then, like a reminder, she suddenly swore that she could hear Shane singing,
“Just close your eyes
And you’ll be here with me
Just look to your heart
And that’s where I’ll be
If you just close your eyes
Till you’re drifting away
You’ll never be too far from me
If you close your eyes.”
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