April 11, 2060
Ever since I was younger, my mother brought me up and told me that I should never let a single good opportunity just pass by. I should take it and make use of it.
Looking back, I realize that I did let a lot of “could-have-beens” just fade away. Why, you ask? It’s because I’m too scared to take the risk, or too damn shy in some cases.
When I was 15, I lost all the chances that I had with the boy that I truly loved. If you’re wondering, yes, I still love him until now. Why do you ask, did I lose him? I was too filled with pride to say I was sorry and I was too scared of being rejected if I told him that I loved him. I knew I wasn’t strong enough to survive if John broke my heart in two. I was frightened of telling him how I feel, even if I knew deep in my heart he felt something for me too. He walked away from me, not knowing how dearly I love him. He never knew that I would do anything to have him in my arms, to hold him close and tell him I love him with my whole heart and soul.
At the same age, I got into this band called Westlife. I really liked them. Like any fan would, I bought all the things that had Westlife on them. I bought every album, book, magazine… most of my allowance was spent on Westlife stuff. My mother and I would often have very heated arguments over them. She didn’t want me to waste all my money on a bunch of “freaks”. That’s what she cruelly called them. Now that I think of it, she was right. Not on the “freaks” bit because they are all so totally gorgeous. She was right when she told me on how to control the way I spent my money on them. It was so hard because when I wanted to buy something more practical for myself, I couldn’t because I either just bought a magazine with loads of pictures of them or other stuff. Mothers are always right aren’t they? It’s so annoying…
Back to what I was saying, I really liked this group. Like almost everyone else, I had a favorite. A certain boy caught my eye, and set my heart on fire the moment I laid my eyes on him. His name was Shane Filan. He had gorgeous dark brown hair and the most amazing pair of hazel brown eyes you could lose yourself into. He looked like an angel I tell you. I bet if I see him now, he’d still look like an angel.
I was totally crazy over him. I still am. There were times when I’m alone, I’d go through the pictures and magazine articles of him. Even if I saw them all a hundred times already, my heart still skipped a beat as I would go to the next picture. There were also times that I’d put on my headphones and I’d listen to all of their other songs. I’d turn the volume up really loud and I could practically hear him breathe. It’s such a wonderful feeling hearing him breathe, knowing that he’s real and alive even though he’s too good to be true. My heart just swells with joy whenever I do that. Shane’s voice is very soulful. Whenever he sings its full of emotion you could practically feel the pain when he’s singing a sad song and you can feel the joy when he’s singing a love song. To me, he stood up from the rest. To me, he was perfect.
Sure, nobody is perfect. I’m sure everyone has his or her own flaws. I know Shane does, but I just disregarded it. I was so loved-up I looked past his flaws. So that’s how he seemed perfect to me.
Finally, I got to meet him. It was pure coincidence and sheer luck. I was at a park with my friend and I saw him. Shane was just sitting on a bench, watching the people pass by. Something was obviously bothering him. If it weren’t for Helen, I wouldn’t have approached him to say “hi”. Do I regret it? Part of me does, but I can’t regret it because I have to admit, every moment that I spent with Shane was one of the most high points and happiest moments in my life. I could never regret that. Anyway, my friend, Helen and I approached him. Helen was practically shoving me to approach him, because she knew I liked him. The moment he looked at me and said “hello”, I instantly knew that somehow, God gave me another chance to be happy. I didn’t know if it would turn out into a relationship the way I wanted it to or just a friendship, but I knew I shouldn’t let this opportunity pass by, the way I did with John.
We asked him what was wrong, and he said he was just lonely. We wanted to cheer him up, so we asked him if we could stick around. Helen did most of the talking. Not that I didn’t talk at all but I was just quiet, well, for that day at least. Helen and I spent the whole afternoon with Shane at the park, laughing and talking about all sorts of things. The three of us really enjoyed ourselves. Soon, the sun was starting to set and we had to go on our separate ways. Shane asked us if we wanted to meet up at the hotel later. Helen declined, and she told Shane she was sure that I would love to go. He turned to me and flashed one of those gorgeous smiles of his and I just had to say yes. Believe me, what you saw in those posters were nothing compared to what he really looks like.
I went home, and as the time approached for Shane and I to meet once again, I became scared. I finally decided not to go. Helen suddenly showed up on my front door, completely dressed up and ready to go for a night out. I asked her what she was doing, and I still remember her words ‘til this day. “Melody, I know you too well. You always let things like this just pass by. I thought you might have second thoughts again, so I came here to make sure you go on that date. I said I couldn’t go because I wanted you to have a nice evening alone with Shane. I know how much you like him. So, here I am, making sure you’ll go! Now, get moving and let’s go!” Helen made me prepare myself and she helped in fixing my hair… she helped in everything. I wouldn’t really know what to do without her. I wonder how she is… Well, wherever she may be, I sure hope she’s happy.
We got there just in time. Helen didn’t say a thing about me almost not showing up, so I was somehow relieved. We had a spectacular evening. We went dancing and we had dinner. Helen told me we looked like a three-some when Shane was out of earshot, and we just laughed about it. They were both so much fun to be with, and none of us ever felt like a third wheel.
The night had to end eventually. It was getting late, or should I say, early rather. It was almost dawn when Shane took us home. He dropped off Helen first and for the first time, there was an uncomfortable silence when there were just the two of us in his car. I wasn’t much of a talker really, and I got surprised by his sudden change. By the time I finally thought of something to say, we were at the front of my house already. I thanked him for the wonderful evening, then I stepped out of the car. He got out as well, and he walked me up to the front of the door. I asked if he wanted to come in. He said he would love to but he suddenly declined. He kissed me on the cheek and said goodnight. I mumbled “goodnight”, shocked from the feeling that Shane Filan, the man I was crazy about, just kissed me. He called my name again and as I turned around he planted a light kiss on my lips before smiling at me and walking back to the car. I immediately called Helen as soon as he left, frequently pinching myself to see if I wasn’t dreaming.
From that day on, Helen, Shane and I became really great friends. Nothing was said between Shane and I after that kiss. I was quite disappointed but he probably realized that he really didn’t like me the way he thought he did that night at the front of my house. It’s okay, at least I was thankful that I had someone like him in my life to make me happy. He would often call Helen and I if he wasn’t around, and sometimes we would go over via plane if he was in a country nearby. The three of us would go out every chance we got. We also became friends with the other Westlife lads, but not as close as we were to Shane. Helen hit it off pretty well with Bryan though but she was still on a different plane with Shane, just like me. I think something even happened between them but I think Helen didn’t really want to get into a relationship with him because she was afraid that Bry might end up hurting her. He has the reputation of being with many girls, and I told Helen that I didn’t think it was real, but she wouldn’t hear of it.
One day, Shane told Helen he was starting to fall for me. Helen was really overjoyed. It was through Helen that he asked me out on a date. I said yes. I was really nervous, because I’ve never been really alone with him. There were always three of us, having a laugh and this was different. It wasn’t a night out. It was a date. Helen stayed with me of course, she didn’t want me to suddenly back out. Shane finally arrived, bringing me a bouquet of my favorite flowers. We went out for a movie. At first it was quite uncomfortable for the both of us. We eventually enjoyed ourselves, and Shane started holding my hand. I didn’t let go, it felt so good to hold his hand. I was, what any Westlife fan would say, “On The Wings Of Love.” After the movie, we had dinner at my favorite restaurant. We talked about the movie. It was so boring we just laughed about it. We were constantly interrupted by his fans. I wouldn’t say interrupt really. They were all so nice and they kept apologizing for what they called “ruining” our evening. I didn’t mind at all. I just found it quite funny because Shane was really working 24 hours a everyday. We went for a walk afterwards, at the park. We stopped and sat on the bench where we first met. We just gazed at the stars, holding each others hand. Shane leaned in and kissed me lightly on the lips. I just smiled at him. I was thinking and feeling a thousand sensations, emotions and thoughts were going through me. I never wanted the moment to end but a part of me was nagging me, telling me it wasn’t right. Honestly, I couldn’t see what it was that was not right. I was really quite relieved that Shane didn’t kiss me anymore after that. I don’t know why.
After that date, we went out on a few more. Slowly, Helen was starting to fade away from the picture. Shane and I still went out with her whenever we can. We were just relieved that Helen understood when there were times that Shane and I wanted to be alone. She didn’t have any hard feelings at all, and she couldn’t wait for me to get home at times to update her on what Shane and I did.
One evening, Shane and I spent some time together. He would be going away for a few months, and he wanted to spend the evening with me. We were at the park, at our usual spot on the bench when he started kissing me. I kissed him back, but I eventually pulled away. We held each other for a moment, basked by the silvery rays of the moon. He started kissing me again, but I pulled away and I ran. He tried catching up with me but I pushed him away. He lost his balance and fell, twisting his ankle. I wanted so badly to turn around, say I’m sorry and kiss him but I was so scared. I went home and locked my door. I kept crying. I was so confused. My phone kept ringing but I knew who it was so I didn’t bother answering it. I stayed up all night, trying to figure out why I acted that way. I came up with only one conclusion. I was afraid. Afraid to admit to myself that I’m falling in love with Shane. Shane Filan himself and not Shane from Westlife. There were so many times that I’ve had the opportunity to say how sorry I was, but I didn’t. I was too scared that I was probably too late to tell him I’m sorry and that I love him. No one ever knew why I ran off that night. Not even Helen. She asked me a thousand times why, but I refused to tell her. Nobody ever knew that I fell in love with Shane, and I still am in love with him until now.
The last time I ever talked to or saw Shane was that night. That night where I hurt him and myself terribly, because I was afraid to give love and to receive love. I was also afraid of getting hurt. I knew I wouldn’t get through if Shane hurt me in anyway. I didn’t take the risk because I selfishly didn’t allow myself to feel pain. Let’s face it, every love story does have it’s smooth course, but it also does have bumpy and rough edges. I eventually lost contact with Helen as well. The last thing I heard about her was that she and Shane were getting married. I wasn’t surprised really. Shane went to Helen whenever he felt bad about what happened between us. Well, that was what the other Westlife lads told me. I was actually at Shane and Helen’s wedding. I wouldn’t miss it for the world, seeing two of my best friends getting married. Even if it hurt like hell, I attended the whole wedding, hiding behind the stone pillars of the church. After all, they were great friends of mine.
I am now old, lonely and tired. I have no one in the world buy myself. God gave me two chances at happiness but I blew them away because of my selfishness. I didn’t let myself find true happiness. The happiness that money can’t buy. The happiness that only your lover can give you when you look into his or her eyes. The kind of happiness that will send you “Flying Without Wings”.
As I write this down, the sun is about to rise from it’s deep sleep. I know I’m about to die. I can feel it already. I’m not afraid of dying alone. I’m not afraid that no one will be there with me when I die. I chose to live this life and I should therefor suffer the consequences. I only want to say this: To the person who is reading this right now, don’t be afraid to love. Open your heart and give it a chance to feel pain, to feel love, to feel happiness and bliss in the presence of your loved one. Don’t ever do what I did. It’s the biggest mistake you could ever do with your life. Go out into the world and don’t deprive yourself of love. Take the risk of being in love while you still can. And always remember, don’t let love ever pass you by.
“That was just so sad…” Emily said, wiping away the tears from her eyes. “Yeah. Hey, it’s getting late. We better head home.” Laura said, gathering her things. She shut the huge, thick scrapbook close, dust rising up from the impact. Emily and Laura carried the scrapbook back to the bookshelf, burying Melody’s story away once again. But in their hearts, the story of Melody shall remain forever.
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