This I Promise You Chapter 6
				Alone
	Mark sat on the bed, looking aimlessly around his room. Everything felt so incomplete. His gaze fell upon the closed closet door. He knew it was already half empty. His desk was half empty as well. The bathroom door was slightly open, and he could practically imagine what it looked like inside – half empty. Mark looked beside him, on the side of the bed where she used to sleep. Where she would hold him in her arms and lie there with him in the dark. She was gone now, and Mark had no idea if she was ever coming back.       ‘I lost her once again.’ He thought glumly. He once made a vow that he would never let Toni go, but it was no use. She wanted him to do it. She practically begged him to let her go. How was he to know that when he kissed her on the bench at the bus stop that night would be the last time he would ever kiss her? Once they got home, Toni immediately talked to him, telling him how much she loved him, but that she had to leave him. ‘I can never make you happy, Mark. You know that. You want a kind of commitment that I can never give you, and still, you’re here with me. Mark, I can’t stand treating you like this. I don’t want to hurt you, but the more I stay with you, the more I’m torturing you. I can’t give you what you want. I’m scared to death of getting married, and you know why.’ Toni had said before she left. It was completely difficult for him to understand. He didn’t know why she was doing this to him. But then, he realized that he really had been pressuring her into getting married, when he knew very well that she needed the time.       Mark thought of all the reasons why she didn’t want to get married. One was that everyone she knew who were married were sooner or later getting divorced. Her mother and father were never married, and they still had an unsuccessful relationship. Her uncles and aunts were always fighting, and some of them were already separated, or cheating on each other. Another is that, in every marriage, a couple is bound to have their own children. And in every unsuccessful marriage, it is the child who suffers the most. Toni experienced a lot of horrible things in her life when her father left them, and if she ever had any children, she doesn’t want them to go through what she had experienced. Toni didn’t believe in marriage anymore because of the things that happened to her in the past. Mark found it unfair. It was not his fault that things like that happened to her. She didn’t even give him a chance to prove to her that his love for her would never change. Instead, she told him, ‘Mark, nothing is permanent in this world but change.’       Mark found himself staring at the ring that was in his hand. It was the eternity ring that he bought and gave to her two months ago before she left. The ring she never even wore. He had been holding on to that ring for more than two months now, and it was the ring that made her leave him in the first place. ‘Stupid ring!’ he shouted, hurling it across the room. If only he didn’t propose, maybe she would still be there with him.       Even if two whole months had passed since the day she left, the pain was still fresh. It was as if it all happened yesterday. Mark could still see everything clearly. ‘I need to move on.’ He thought sadly, lying back on the pillows. He had to try, even if he knew it was useless. He kept thinking of her too much that it was practically driving him insane. Mark could barely concentrate on his work, that was why Louis Walsh sent him on a one-week vacation to go and straighten himself out. He even thought of going to the Philippines and beg Toni to come back, but he knew he’d just be wasting time. She made it very clear to him that her decision was final.       ‘I wonder what she’s doing right now.’ He mused, as he turned on his side. He hugged his pillow, wishing that he was holding her instead. ‘How can I possibly move on if I’m torturing myself like this?’ Mark asked himself, groaning and putting a pillow on top of his head.       Toni stared at the book in front of her, reading the first page for about the thirtieth time. She couldn’t really understand it though, she was just reading it. All that she could think of was Mark. It was driving her crazy. She inhaled deeply and then exhaled. Toni closed her eyes, trying to calm herself down. She looked at the book in front of her, and all that she could see were the letters M, A, R & K. ‘Argh!’ she screamed, slamming the book shut and burying her head in her hands. She wanted to cry, but she had no more tears left. ‘I’m so stupid!’ she moaned. ‘Why did I ever leave him? Why can’t I simply get over this stupid fear that I have?’ she thought. The phone suddenly rang, startling her. She slowly got up from her seat and practically dragged her feet as she walked over to where the phone was. Toni placed her hand on the received and picked it up. ‘Hello?’ she asked, her voice quite shaky. ‘Hello? May I speak with Toni?’ the voice at the other end of the line asked. Toni’s heart practically stopped beating once she heard the voice that she nearly dropped the phone.
			Chapter 7