Chapter 13
She looked at Nicky, wanting so much to say the same words to him, to tell him he wasn’t the only one who was crazy because she had somehow fallen for him as well. Nicky kept looking into her eyes, waiting for her to say something or anything for that matter. “Nicky, you know I…” she began. Nicky smiled. “Oh no… he thought I was going to say that I feel the same.” Toni thought. And before she could do anything else, Nicky stepped closer to her, closing the proximity of their distance. Toni felt like a bolt of electricity ran down her spine as Nicky touched her face, caressing her cheek with his fingers. Slowly he angled his face and lightly touched her lips with his. Toni felt her body and soul ablaze. Nicky kissed her gently, as if she was a delicate rose that would get crushed at the slightest pressure. He slowly enveloped her in his warm embrace. His kiss deepened as he felt Toni responding to him. How much had he dreamt of this moment! It left him breathless. Toni left him breathless.
Toni pulled away, leaving Nicky wanting for more. He was about to kiss her again when she placed her hands on his chest and pushed him away gently. She took his arms off her gently as well, as if she was trying to lessen the pain that she was going to give him and the confusion he was having. “Why?” Nicky suddenly asked, everything beginning to be clear to him. Toni didn’t want to be involved with him in any way. “Nicky, does the name Mark Feehily ring any bells to you?” she said, pain filling her heart as she looked at Nicky. Hurt and pain was written all over his face. “I know… it’s wrong. I know. I shouldn’t have kissed you in the first place.” he said dejectedly, leaning back on a tree and looking up. No way was he going to cry in front of her. “I shouldn’t have gone to see you in the first place. I just couldn’t help myself I guess.” Ton said, before turning around. Nicky followed her with only his gaze until he eventually lost sight of her. He sighed deeply, replaying the events in his mind. He walked forlornly while kicking at some dry leaves that had fallen to the grass. No way was he ever going to get her now.
Toni closed the door behind her, leaning back on it. She closed her eyes, trying to shake off the feeling that Nicky had given her. She placed her hand on her neck, massaging it gently. “I’d gladly do that for you if you like.” someone said. Toni’s eyes flew open and she screamed, startled. She found herself staring into Mark’s piercing blue eyes. “Mark, you scared me to death!” she said, trying to get rid of the guilty feeling in her heart. She unsuccessfully did so especially when Mark had asked her, “Where have you been? I missed you.” He placed his arms around her and was about to kiss her when she ducked from him, heading for the kitchen. “I just went for a walk.” she said, as Mark followed her around. “All by yourself? Aww… you must’ve been lonesome.” he said, making Toni more guilty. She kept her back faced to him as not to make him see how guilty she was. Toni opened the refrigerator door and pretended to look for something. “Well, I’ve been pretty lonely without you today you know.” Mark added. Toni shut the refrigerator door and turned around, finding herself only about two inches away from Mark. He took her hand and led her to the den. Toni just kept her gaze to the floor. Mark sat down on the couch and pulled her near him. He wrapped his arms around her. “Honey, I know something’s wrong. I can see it in your eyes.” Mark said, brushing a few strands of her hair away from her face. “No… nothing is wrong.” Toni stuttered, jumping at every touch Mark placed on her. “Then why did you turn your mobile phone off when I was calling you this morning?” Mark asked. There was something in Mark’s tone that made her look at him. She had never heard him sound so pained before. And there in his eyes was a look that she couldn’t recognize. It absolutely terrified her. Toni then remembered Rainey’s words about Mark’s possible mental condition. Right then and there she decided she would have nothing to do with Nicky Byrne for the sake of this person. “Oh Mark, I just wanted to be alone that’s all. But I’m okay now. It was just one of those moments where I wanted to get away from it all. I’m so sorry… I shouldn’t have ignored your call.” Toni said, trying hard to sound convincing. The quite terrifying look in Mark’s eyes suddenly vanished. “Well, I completely understand. I just missed you that’s all. And I kept worrying coz you didn’t even tell Rainey where you were going. Oh, she let me in by the way.” “Well, I’m really sorry. I promise I won’t do that again.” Toni said. Mark drew her closer. “I love you.” he whispered, gazing deep into her eyes. “I love you too, Mark.” she said. Toni knew she didn’t mean it, but she just had to convince Mark, but more of herself, that she did love him. Otherwise, she knew she’d forever be wanting to be with Nicky.
Nicky stared straight at the ceiling, letting the tears slide down his eyes. He drowned out Georgina’s rambling in the background with his thoughts. She didn’t even notice that he was crying. They were still carrying on with their little “play”, pretending to be the most loved-up couple just for the sake of it.
He heard the door slamming shut, and silence followed. Nicky had no idea where G was heading, but he silently thanked God for it. He had been busy replaying every single moment that he had shared with Toni, and it was quite impossible when Georgina kept talking nonstop. The memories of the times that he shared with her are the only things that can hold on to now, and he will hold on to them with all his might.
There was one line in particular though that kept playing in his mind for no reason at all. “I shouldn’t have gone to see you in the first place. I just couldn’t help myself I guess.” Probably it was all he could think of since it was the last thing she said before she left. But then again…
Nicky sat up, hope filling the dying embers of his burned out heart. They seemed to rekindle the flame of what he was feeling, giving him a flicker of hope. “…I just couldn’t help myself…” she had said. It could’ve only meant one thing. She wanted to be with him. Toni wanted to be with him. There was definitely no mistaking it. She definitely felt something for him. And her kisses… she wouldn’t have kissed him like that if she didn’t feel a thing for him. “How could I have been so stupid? I should’ve followed her and begged her or something.” Nicky said, lying back on the pillows. Now he knew he definitely had a chance to get into his life. There was one obstacle that he had to face though. And that obstacle was named Mark Feehily.