Chapter 15
Nicky looked around at the waiting area of the airport. He spotted G as she walked up to him, but his eyes rested elsewhere. His eyes landed on the girl Mark was kissing and holding in his arms. He sighed, as he felt Georgina wrap her arms around his neck. “How are you sweetie?” she asked as she planted a kiss on his lips. “I’m tired… I just want to fall into a soft bed with big, fat pillows and sleep for ten years!" he said with a heavy sigh. “Aww… well, I’m sure we can do something about that when we get home and get you all comfy.” Georgina said as she turned around and picked up one of Nicky’s bags. His eyebrows shot up, surprised and curious at the slight change in G. “Someone’s quite different today.” Nicky thought before looking once more at Toni.
Toni disentangled herself from Mark, blushing madly. “Mark! Umm, uh, save that for later will you?” she whispered as Mark laughed. “Sorry… I just missed you that’s all. Being away from you for four months seemed like four lifetimes!” he whispered. “Yeah… I know what you mean.” She said, slyly glancing at Nicky. “Come on, let’s go say goodbye to the others.” Mark said as he took Toni’s hand. They couldn’t say goodbye to anyone really. Shane and Camille were locked in a passionate kiss, Anya and Kian were lost in a world of their own, Bryan had Jannica in his arms, whispering something to her. The only two “lovebirds” who didn’t look loved-up were Nicky and Georgina. They were just standing there, talking.
“Hey guys!” Mark said as he approached them. “Hey Mark! How are you?” G asked as she gave him a hug. “I’m feeling great, coz I’m finally home.” Mark said. “Hey Toni.” Nicky said as he gave her a hug. He noticed that she was totally stiff and awkward. She obviously hadn’t forgotten what he did to her before. Nicky had kissed her and confessed to her how he felt, a few days before Westlife left for the tour.
Nicky wasn’t the only one who noticed Toni’s sudden discomfort. Toni saw Mark look at Nicky as if he could murder him right then and there. She suddenly wondered if Mark was actually capable of doing that. Mark was talking animatedly to G when he suddenly stopped and grew quiet. “Umm… we have to go. I suddenly don’t feel so well.” Mark mumbled. Toni bid farewell to Georgina and Nicky, avoiding to look at the him.
Mark was so quiet since they left the airport that it was driving Toni insane. If Toni asked him something, he either nodded, mumbled a very inaudible reply or just shrugged. He was acting so childish that Toni wanted to be totally immature as well and start screaming at him. But her common sense told her to have more patience, since Mark may have a mental condition that she was not quite sure of. Toni sat beside Mark, who was sitting on the couch, busy staring at the floor. “Baby, what’s wrong?” she asked, trying to keep her voice as sweet as possible. Mark sighed and shrugged, making Toni’s blood boil. Thank goodness he said something or Toni would’ve probably gone insane as well. “I… I don’t know. I’m just upset that’s all.” Mark said, still staring at the floor. He took Toni’s hand in his and slowly looked into her eyes. He wasn’t blind, he could see everything clearly. He wasn’t stupid as well. He saw everything and he had his hunches since that day when he introduced Toni to Nicky. And that was just one of the things that was bothering him.
“Toni… I have to tell you something.” He said. Toni looked at him, urging him to go on. “Before we left for the tour, I went to the doctor and… oh God… how am I going to say this? I… you see… I went to the doctor a few days before we left and they said that I have a case of mild depression. I didn’t worry about it at all, since the doctor said it was just a phase everyone goes through from time to time. And I believed him. On the third month of the tour I felt sad all the time, I lost interest in performing and all the stuff that we do. I thought I was just lonely coz I missed you. But I suddenly got scared when I started thinking of suicide.” He paused, looking at Toni. She was looking absolutely terrified. And who wouldn’t be? Mark cast his eyes downward. “The worst it, I almost attempted suicide.” He whispered, not even daring to look at Toni for fear that she might get scared at him and stay away from him. “I stopped in time, coz I saw a picture of you, my family, and some of my friends, lying on the bed. I suddenly remembered that I have a reason to live. So I went to a specialist in the US, and he said I was already suffering a major case of depression, and it could’ve gotten worse if I haven’t gone sooner. He says it’s due to overstress in my work.” Mark finished, letting out a huge sigh. He finally got it out. He had been hiding the secret for quite some time now, and it was difficult to keep it all in.
Toni kept quiet, not knowing what to say. She was totally speechless. She knew there was something wrong with Mark, but for him to think of actually taking his life, it had to be completely serious. “Toni… this may sound weird but… please say something coz, you’re scaring me.” Mark said so softly, that Toni thought she hadn’t heard him right. “I… Mark… I really, really have no idea what to say.” “Are you mad at me? Scared? What? Anything… just say something.” “I don’t know Mark! Geez…what do you want me to tell you?” Toni asked, looking helplessly at him. Mark buried his head in his hands. He wanted to cry. “Oh honey… I’m sorry. I just… really don’t know what to tell you.” Toni said gently, placing her hand on Mark’s shoulder. “I’m just confused that’s all. I’m scared. They’ll be keeping me in this ward for some time. And I’m so afraid that people might find out that I’m crazy and…” “Mark! You’re not crazy… you just need help that’s all.” “Ha! That’s a nice way of putting it!” Mark said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. He suddenly saw Toni’s hurt expression. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to bite your head off. I’m just scared that’s all. But I do have a week off before I go to the center in the US… and we’re spending it at this place Kian rented to celebrate his birthday…” Mark trailed off, changing the subject. He didn’t want to get into a fight with Toni. “Cool.” She said, trying to hide her sudden happiness. Celebrating Kian’s birthday only meant one thing: that she would get to see Nicky. But getting to hang out with them for a whole week was too much. She suddenly felt Mark staring at her, a small smile on his face. “What are you thinking of?” he asked, as he wrapped his arms around her. Toni felt a stab of guilt on her heart. It was like a knife going through her conscience. Mark held her close and kissed her cheek. How could she do something like this to someone like him?
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