A guide to the bible for the amusement of anglers.
Job 41: Is it possible for Leviathan to be pulled out with a fish-hook, or for a hook to be put through the bone of his mouth?
I'm getting bites but I just can't seem to set the hook, What size would you recommend?
Ezekiel 29:4: And I will put hooks in your mouth, and the fish of your streams will be hanging from your skin; and I will make you come up out of your streams, with all the fish of your streams hanging from your skin.
Catch more fish with this new fishing technique.
Amos 4:2: The Lord God has taken an oath by his holy name, that the days are coming when they will take you away with hooks, and the rest of you with fish-hooks.
The fishing season is about to start.
Jonah 1:17: And the Lord made ready a great fish to take Jonah into its mouth; and Jonah was inside the fish for three days and three nights.
Attach a model of Johah next to your hook to catch a big fish.
Habakkuk 1:15: He takes them all up with his hook, he takes them in his net, getting them together in his fishing-net: for which cause he is glad and full of joy.
Smile fishing is fun.
Genesis 1:21: And God made great sea-beasts, and every sort of living and moving thing with which the waters were full, and every sort of winged bird: and God saw that it was good.
Sadly he forgot to stock the north sea.
Exodus 4:2: And the Lord said to him, What is that in your hand? And he said, A rod.
Man confesses to fishing without a permit.
Exodus 7:17: So the Lord says, By this you may be certain that I am the Lord; see, by the touch of this rod in my hand the waters of the Nile will be turned to blood;
I'm good at fishing and like to kill things.
Exodus 21:20: If a man gives his man-servant or his woman-servant blows with a rod, causing death, he is certainly to undergo punishment.
Commiting murder with fishing tackle is against the law.
Numbers 17:2: Say to the children of Israel that they are to give you rods, one for every family, for every chief, the head of his father's house, making twelve rods; let every man's name be placed on his rod.
Guess what your getting for Christmas.
Numbers 17:6: So Moses gave these orders to the children of Israel, and all their chiefs gave him rods, one for the head of every family, making twelve rods: and Aaron's rod was among them.
Told you so.
Exodus 14:16: And let your rod be lifted up and your hand stretched out over the sea, and it will be parted in two; and the children of Israel will go through on dry land.
When the tide cuts you off wave your rod and pray.
Mt:17:27: Notwithstanding, lest we should offend them, go thou to the sea, and cast a hook, and take up the fish that first cometh up; and when thou hast opened his mouth, thou shalt find a piece of money: that take, and give unto them for me and thee.
My mate dropped a 50p piece into the sea and he is an extreme optimist. Please check your catch and return any coins found. Thank you
Jn:21:3: Simon Peter saith unto them, I go a fishing. They say unto him, We also go with thee. They went forth, and entered into a ship immediately; and that night they caught nothing.
Guess who won't be planning the next fishing trip.
Jn:21:6: And he said unto them,
Cast the net on the right side of the ship, and ye shall find.
They cast therefore, and now they were not able to draw it for
the multitude of fishes.
Jn:21:11: Simon Peter went up, and drew the net to land full of
great fishes, an hundred and fifty and three: and for all there
were so many, yet was not the net broken.
Now we know who's to blame for the low cod stocks in the north sea don't we?
1Cor:15:39: All flesh is not the same flesh: but there is one kind of flesh of men, another flesh of beasts, another of fishes, and another of birds.
If you serve fish for Christmas dinner people will notice it is not turkey.
Mt:8:26: And he saith unto them, Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith? Then he arose, and rebuked the winds and the sea; and there was a great calm.
Typical, there's a good sea on and somebody has to go and spoil things.
Rv:8:8: And the second angel sounded, and as it were a great mountain burning with fire was cast into the sea: and the third part of the sea became blood;
This weekends fishing trip is cancelled due to unforseen circumstances.
Rv:13:1: And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy.
If anyone could tell me what species this is and what bait/tactics to use I would be grateful.
Rv:21:1: And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea.
Oh well, suppose I'll have to take up course angling instead.
Jn:21:10: Jesus saith unto them, Bring of the fish which ye have now caught.
Welcome to the weigh in, remember there's £500 to the winner......
Lk:11:11: If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent?
Go on, just for a laugh, it'll scare the shit out of him.
Jn:4:13: Jesus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again:
Do not drink sea water. Take a flask of tea instead.
Lk:17:27: They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noah entered into the ark, and the flood came, and destroyed them all.
A tide table is an essential purchase.
Mk:6:41: And when he had taken the five loaves and the two fishes, he looked up to heaven, and blessed, and brake the loaves, and gave them to his disciples to set before them; and the two fishes divided he among them all.
And so he was disqualified from the fishing contest and banned from entering all future events.