T - Well, I was quite a good scholar to begin with, I think, and then I just got side-tracked into tarting about on stage.

C - Tarting about?

T - Tarting about, you know, revues, comedy, and things like that...

C - Footlights...?

T - Yeah, and all that. (Clip of Footlights: Tony dancing about at a disco, with an amusing Northern accent)

T - Applause and laughter, I suppose, are the second-most addictive things in the world...

C - What's the first?

T - I suppose, narcotics, you know...

C - No, I wouldn't know about narcotics, apart from the odd cigarette.

T - No, I just got side-tracked and it was rather a cliché, really. An agent in a powder-blue Rolls Royce pulled up outside the college, and said, "Can I sign you, and Stephen Fry and Emma Thompson?", and we said, "ooh, yes", and er...

C - Not Hugh Laurie? (points behind her to where there is a window)

T - And Hugh Laurie, yes. Why did you point him out? Is he here?! You pointed over there!

C - Well, he may be climbing over the balcony with a rose in his teeth...! (both laugh)

T - No, we never had that sort of relationship at all!

C - Why did I point? I don't know.

T - And then I got into, I guess, the treadmill of light-entertainment, really.

C - But you enjoyed it. I mean, you did it, what, for thirteen, fourteen years?

T - Oh, I absolutely loved it.

C - The "tele-tart years", as it's been described.

T - Oh exactly, exactly. And there was some good stuff and there was some appalling stuff.

C - Why did you spend so long... you went thirteen years without a holiday, doing all this television stuff... Why? Was it the money, or the fame, the notoriety, celebrity? What kept you working quite so hard?

T - I think fear of, erm... One, I was enjoying it, the work was coming in, er... and, erm... I just wanted to make hay while the sun shines, really.

C - Which is a sensible maxim for anybody.

T - Absolutely. But if it's so, er, I guess, pressured, the whole thing, there's a price to pay.

C - The big thing you did was "Whose Line Is It Anyway?", when you were ahuge, big star in that. (Video image of 1995 episode, with Tony, Greg and Ryan)

C - And you were on that for years, and then, for no apparent reason, it all came to an end.

T - Yes, it did.

C - What happened?

T - I was sacked. (Chuckle)

C - But why, because you were brilliant?

T - Erm, well, I think I was just becoming a bit of a loose cannon, frankly. I was becoming rather disordered. I think they were edging towards a phase where it was slightly more "safe" than it was in the beginning, because they wanted lots of overseas sales, to the Mid-West of America and the Bible Belt, and things like that...

C - Aah, no, you wouldn't be good at the Bible Belt! (laughs)

T - No, I don't think so! I don't think so! (Previous video image of WL episode continues)

C - So, what went wrong?

T - Well, I think it was multi-factorial, as they say, and I think, er...I was in a play called Neville's Island, which was a West-end play...

C - At the Apollo...

T - At the Apollo, yes, that's right. And erm...that was a sort of, a bit of serious acting as well as comedy, and for me, a light-entertainment tart, to get an Olivier Award, was thrilling... I mean, an Olivier Nomination. Oh, I wish (laughs). No, I just got nominated, and I wasn't bitter (distorts face), at all, about it. I don't think any psychiatrist would say, "well, it's all down to losing the Olivier Award"!

C - What happened?

T - Well, I think I just entered a depressive episode.

C - Now, I don't understand that. I've been very low; I know what it's like not to get out of bed; I know what it's like to sit in a chair and stare at the floor for hours...

T - Sure...

C - But not for years. You did it for years.

T - Well, there's a pre-disposition to it. That happened. without anything. Then there is the precipitating element, which is the second one, which is...I was being in the West-end; I was being successful, I had money, erm...I started getting into drugs, I drank too much, I didn't look after myself. And it's all work in progress, trying to untangle this. And it's a mixture of one's own psychology, and the drugs, and the drink, and the isolationism.

C - Why were you isolated?

T - Because I bought, er...I rented a huge, empty, warehouse flat by the Thames, and just sort of spiralled, and absolutely... erm... I hate those articles that start, "My booze and drugs Hell, and the brave way I got out of it." It wasn't that. It was a mixture of things which happened which were not my fault, and things which happened which were utterly my own, er, of my own doing.

C - What I can't understand, having read the descriptions of how you basically locked yourself away for a couple of years, metaphorically staring at the floor; actually staring at the floor...

T - That's right.

C - I can't imagine, if you'd been a friend of mine, I simply can't imagine allowing you to get to that state without pulling out all the stops, and without saying, "come on Tony..."

T - Ok. I didn't open a letter for about two years. They all piled up in a corner, along with bills and everything like that. Hundreds and hundreds of letters. And, you know, if people... friends phoned, but if they get no reply, and the phone is cut off, as it was, because you don't pay the bill; you don't pay any bills, then they, not unreasonably, think, "well, you know, he doesn't want to know. Let's stop pestering him, because it's embarrassing."

C - Now, the next thing I want to ask you...it's sex.

T - Oh yeah. Well, look, it's too cold here, for God's sake.

C - No, I'm not proposing sex. Not on my sofa. A lot of people, if they don't want to talk about it, they just say "that's it, no", and people pass on, but you tantalise and you tease...

T - Do I?

C - Yes, you do.

T - I don't!

C - You do, listen to me. You give almost psycho-babbly answers, and you make people fascinated by your sexuality. You're quoted as saying that you are what you are when you are...

T - Oh, well that's just babble, isn't it. That's just nonsense. Was I drunk?

C - Well, that's the least babbly bit I could find. Amongst all the babble, I picked that out as a relatively sane thing.

T - Thank you! (sarcastically)

C - "I am what I am at the time"..."I am what I want to be at the time, and that's what I..."

T - Sounds like a (? - sorry, couldn't understand the name of this artist) song! Singing: I am what I am.......Sorry.

C - You can sing too...

T - Yes, I can!

C - No, come on...

T - OK, well, I've always thought that what I do with my genitalia is my business, really.

C - Of course it's your business, and I'm asking for the basic sexuality behind it, because that's very important to millions of people.

T - It's not important at all!

C - Yes it is, it's fascinating. Are you bi-sexual?

T - Erm...I'm not sure that there's a word for what I am, that's why I don't tell people.

C - A friend of mine who's bi-sexual says it's great because it doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night...

T - It also doubles your chances of rage and betrayal, so maybe it's not good to be that.

C - Surely the rage and betrayal, that's who you choose, not the sex they are; it's the person you choose.

T - Yes, that's absolutely right, but if you're bi-sexual, that's double the chances of missing the target. You see, the thing is, I don't care what people think, whether I'm gay, bi-sexual, asexual, omnisexual, straight; I don't care. And I don't care what people think or say. The only person that knows is me, and that is defined by what I'm doing at that particular moment, even if it's nothing. For years.

C - Has it been years?

T - Sex has never really been a priority with me.

C - Two years of utter despair; thought you were coming out of it; er...then about two years since then you screwed it up; you had a drink-driving...

T - Oh yes...I thought I was getting it all together, and...I didn't tell the magistrate this...

C - Are you sure you should say it now?

T - It could make it worse; he could section me! But, er, what it was, I was cleaning out my loft, and I was sneezing a lot, because of the dust, so I took some anti-histamine pills, but unfortunately, because I was, erm...it was my own stupidity, really, I took the wrong bottle, and I took two tamazepan. And then I started on a bottle of wine, then two bottles of wine, and I think I blacked out at the wheel, and er, you know, it was sort of a complete write-off, with the windscreen shattered, and this shard of huge shard of glass embedded itself in the passenger seat, just about a foot from my head...

C - Oh, Christ!

T - So, I was terribly...terribly lucky to be alive. And that's why I won't drive again. I'll never drive again; I don't want my licence back, because I'm just so, erm...shocked by continuing horrific images. (Chuckle) Also, er...the crash happened outside Wapping Police Station...right outside!

C - Supposing you feel the demons coming back. What sort of premonition do you get that they're coming, and what do you do, how do you do it? What happens?

T -Well, the demons don't creep up, they sort of just dig their fangs into the back of your neck, very quickly.

C -What, just like that?!

T - Yeah, just like that, absolutely. So there's no premonitory aspect to it. At all.

C - None at all?

T - None at all, no.

C - You mean, it could happen this afternoon.

T - Sure, and if it did, against the force of personal will-power, then I wouldn't hesitate to go back to a psychiatrist, or take anti-psychotic medication. Wouldn't hesitate. Wouldn't hesitate a moment.

C - You wouldn't think, "I must be able to deal with this myself"?

T - No, absolutely not. No. And that's the important thing about reaching out and realising you need help...

C - Accepting your weaknesses; you can't do it your own...

T - Exactly.

C - And you're starting to work again...?

T - Yeah, I did a film, about a couple of months ago, and I had a lead role in that. (Video image of The Wedding Tackle)

T - And I went to a preview, and I didn't understand a word of it. It was completely impenetrable. And this is from somebody who knew the script, and was in it, so I don't know what chance it has for an audience.

C - Can we go and see it yet, or not?

T - I doubt it, I'm sure it's been, you know...

C - Binned?

T - Binned.

C - So, what's it called and when can we see it?

T - It's called The Wedding Tackle...

C - Yes (laughs)

T - And erm...

C - Sorry, I shouldn't have laughed at that!

T - No well, I suppose it is meant to be a pun.

C - I did get it, don't worry.

T - Oh, good, good. Because you're quite posh...

C - (laughs) I'm not as posh as people think!

T - Oh well, ok, ok. Good. It's meant to be a comedy. There are a couple of laughs...

C - Only a couple?!

T - ...towards the end, I mean, about 83 minutes in, but you know, we'll see what happens.

Out of studio - video of Tony and Christine walking around London, arms linked

T - We can go to the Equidox Discoteque?

C - No, we're not going to the discoteque this early in the morning. (Points) Look, there's Charlie Chaplin!

T - Are you hallucinating?!

C - No, it is Charlie Chaplin. It's a statue; a little statue of Charlie Chaplin.

T - Yes, ok, I'll believe you....Yes, it is Charlie Chaplin, you're right.

C - It is Charlie Chaplin, I wouldn't tell you anything that wasn't true. Now, listen, here we are at Piccadilly Circus. It's raining, it's freezing cold; what the hell are we doing here?!

T - Well, I was going to propose, but now I've decided not to.

C - Now, that does disappoint me, but never mind. Nobody has ever proposed to me...

T - But...How...You're married, aren't you?!

C - Oh, I told him we were getting married! Why are we here?

T - Eros, the god of love, I suppose. I know what the god of Redemption is. I want to leave all that behind, and just, sort of, tell it as it is, and say sorry, which is what I've done...

C - You know, you're the only person I've ever known who's had a message up there! (Camera points at the scrolling screen above the theatre, scrolling: "This is Tony Slattery. I'd like to say sorry to those I've neglected to cherish".

C - So, is this the new Tony Slattery?

T - Yeah, it is. It really is.

(A BIG thank you to Charlotte for transcribing this interview and to Fer sending it to me again.)