This episode opens with Jack journeying to an odd stretch of the planet known as the mystical land of Mu (pronounced "moo", like a cow, only without the spare ribs). When he needs to cross an average looking lake, he steps up to it not afraid to get his squeaky clean samurai robe wet, because he uses Cheer™ with stain blocker so his whites stay their whitest! :::accepts a big sack with a dollar sign on it from a man who materializes from the shadows:::
The problem with this lake though, is some intense gravity centralized entirely beneath this body of water, making it impossible for Jack to swim it's distance... not a surprise, since a guy in his bathrobe doggy-paddling for 20 minutes doesn't usually make for engaging entertainment. When he sees a tribe of little green cyclopean guys wearing cloaks and banging bongos wandering into the lake's shores, Jack mistakes them for mutant beatniks and rushes to warn them of their impending aquatic doom. As he frantically runs toward them, arms flailing and his cries of doom seemingly unheard, one of the solo-eyed drum thumpers gives him a knowing look as he and his compatriots continue further into the waters. Mass suicide, or do these guys have a trick for crossing these heavy seas? Given that this show has a Y7 rating and isn't part of a Heavy Metal sequence, I'm gonna put all my chips on the former... No! I meant "latter"! "Latter"!... damn it, I always get those two confused...
Of course, the little beatnik druid frog guys have a plan to get around the lake's bone crushing gravity, and it involves their beating drums and slapping their hands on the water's surface. How's that work? Patience is a virtue, so sit back, shut up and I'll tell you. Seems the little lizard monks have a friend who lives in the lake, specially built with really long legs who can't stop the obscene gravitational pull, but who is just so large that he can walk through the lake's deepest sections with ease, transporting his little friends on his back. This time he's more than happy to give Jack the same courtesy, bringing along the samurai in today's ferrying across the otherwise dangerous H2O... not that there was anything dangerous about that clown Michael Myers in Halloween 7, but you get the idea... I hope.
On their way across the lake, Jack asks the beast if it knows of where there might be a time warp nearby and if so, would he be so kind as to go out of his way to take him there. At first it looks like the beast didn't pay attention during English class, as it says nothing and just keeps on chuggin' along to the island at the middle of the lake. But, after he lets off the little green men, the creature shows that the tongue behind his Cthulhuian mouth (which looks like a bunch of used condoms that slop around when the monster speaks) isn't anchored in the realm of grunts and whistles, but in the languages of man (and man-beasts I guess) too, calling Jack back to him so they can discuss this prospect of a tear in the temporal fabric away from prying ears. The result? Looks like this time warp does exist (you'd be surprised how many rifts in space & time there are in the future... and they all look like hypno-wheels!) and it seems this beast recognizes the sword Jack carries, so it agrees to take the samurai where he needs to go. The creature can't carry the hero beyond the lake though, so he sends Jack off with a really big beetle-like friend of his. But, given the hushed whispers and shady way the monsters seem to communicate, I'm not entirely sure they're doing this little mission of mercy for Jack's benefit...
Not long up the steep mountainsides of their supernatural cab ride, the bug grabs our hero and flings him unexpectedly into a patch of screaming whirlwinds, where the surprised good guy must kill a posse of shadowy Sherpa demons, no doubt pissed because they were killed while helping stupid rich white folk climb the mountain so they could seem "brave" and "adventurous" to their circle of snobs down on Wall Street. Jack's sword makes quick work of them though, and despite being more than a little ticked off at the big crimson bug for springing this little "test" on him, the samurai proceeds on with the creature to the top of the cliffs. Once more Jack is passed like the proverbial buck though, as his ride now takes to the skies on the back of a big red bird, the first creature of which Jack has ridden that doesn't appear to speak English... especially not in a creepy, disembodied voice.
Jack's flight through the misty canyons of Muu is short-lived, when his avian 747 suddenly pulls a 180 without warning, dropping the hero to a cliff below, from which he rolls down into the valley floor. Surrounded by the rusted remains of a bunch of giant robots and some steamy music out of a "jungle fever" type porn. Amidst this deceased 'bot graveyard, Jack finds the time portal he seeks, guarded by a big funk talkin' blue dude who reminds me of a cross between Laurence Fishburn in The Matrix, Igoo from "The Herculoids", and the oft overlooked Funky Smurf.
This big guy refuses to let Jack through though, as only a "chosen one" may enter the portal, of which he believes Jack is not. Typical fighting ensues and Jack has to fend off sword, sai and rocket launcher attacks (even kicking a couple of missiles back at ol' Bluey) before going hand to hand with this miscolored stepbrother of the Incredible Hulk. Despite his best efforts, Jack's ass is no match for the mighty fisting given to him by the guardian of the portal... that didn't come out right... Every punch or kick he tries to land is met with an immovable wall of muscle whose nerves are much too thick to even feel the martial artist's strongest attacks. Too bad for Jack that he doesn't possess the same muscular structure, as the goon's strength is matched only by his speed as he throws 100mph fists of fury, beating the robed one to a bloody, bruised pulp. The brute's two seconds away from crushing the hero with an Boulder Co.™ "Headsplatterer" series regulation boulder, when the time warp seems to tell him to lay off and let Jack live. The red bird returns to take the unconscious samurai back and Bluey tells Jack that he's not ready yet, peering into the portal to see... nah, I don't think I'll tell you.........
Okay, okay, I'll give you a hint. Remember the whole "Conan the King" epilogue that finished out Goovahnah Ahnuld's Conan flicks? Hopefully unlike that series, "Samurai Jack" will actually be able to tell that part of it's tale before financial backers lose interest... or Jack runs for Sanitation Commissioner of Palm Springs...
Wow, I didn't even know there were already 32 episodes of this show! Congratulations to Genndy for hanging in there in an age of television where shows come and go like one night stands. But, as for episode "XXXII" itself (love that the episodes are numbered by-the-way, helps keep track of what happens when for the out-of-touch folks like myself), I didn't really get into it until Jack and Bluey started trading blows, which was only for the last 5-10 minutes of the program. Until then I was really unimpressed with watching Jack ride big creatures and take out a couple of nameless, faceless specters. Granted, the wise one-eyed lizard munchkin druids were an entertaining example of the many populace that share Jack's new world, but there just wasn't a whole lot to make this a stand-out episode aside from the battle with Bluey and the little hint at the end as to how long Jack's one man war against Aku is intended to take.
Obviously this whole trip was intended as a test of Jack's skills to see if he really is who his sword claims him to be, but his "trials" weren't exactly very, well, trying! By talking to the Cthulhu thing he shows that he (unlike most guys) knows how to ask for directions, by fighting the mountain monsters he showed that he can can beat up some stock villains (nothing he hasn't shown us in pretty much all 31 episodes leading up to this point), by falling off the giant bird he proves he needs to remember to buckle his seat belt (or as they say in New York, "click it or ticket"... don't hit me, I didn't write it!), and by getting brutalized by Bluey he proves he needs to drink more milk and take his vitamins?! Okay, I understand the Bluey part, but come on... Sure, not every episode can be revolutionary or edge-of-your-seat excitement, but "XXXII" isn't going to convince me to pay my cable bill.
The Moral of this Episode: There's a time and a place for everything, especially when it comes to fighting big Hulking blue guys in suits.
Screen Shots______________
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Cold War yard sales always
have the coolest swag.
Russia sold me this for $4.75!
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"Like our uniforms? I
got them at 'Mr. Hiyashi's
Generic Hero Team Outlet Store'"!
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To prevent overthrow by the
birthing mammal populace, some
dinosaurs practiced "radical evolution".
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"As if telling them apart
wasn't hard enough before,
we introduce Gap: Japan!"
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If You Liked This Toon, Check Out...
- "Rorouni Kenshin" -
- "Inuyasha" -
- "Ninja Scroll: the Series" -
- "Star Wars: the Clone Wars" -
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