First of all, since when have Spider-Man and Iceman been pals? If there's anyone that Spidey should've been teamed up with, it's his hot headed prank partner the Human Torch from the Fantastic Four. Now, the Torch was kept off television when the Fantastic Four cartoon was on the air (I'm talking about the old seasons, not the syndicated '90s series) because the censors didn't like the idea of a flaming man on television. Forever burdened by the horrible accidents created by the old Superman TV show when kids pulled copycat stunts by jumping off buildings, thinking they could fly. So, to prevent any similar nightmares, the people who control TV thought it best to keep Johnny Storm, the Human Torch, off the air waves. If you think it sounds stupid, don't forget, we're in America here, where children are oppressed of free thinking and emotional freedom. When they crack and do something violent to themselves or someone else, the parents, not willing to take any of the blame for not raising their child in a constructive format, blame TV... I'm really starting to rant here, so let's just get on with the review.

In this particular episode, Iceman and Firestar are due at the X-Men mansion for a reunion. However, since he's never been a member of the world's most exclusive team of mutant protectors, Spidey's not invited. Boy, them X-Men, no matter how much they talk about getting mutants and humans to live in peace and equality amongst each other, they pull shit like this to show they're nothing more than big hypocrites! The entire concept of the team is to fight prejudice, so doesn't it looks a little cheap of them to exclude a "norm" from their little mutie BBQ? So much for all that brotherhood and unity bullshit. I knew it just crap from the start! They probably just say they're heroes so they exempt themselves from Uncle Sam and his unfair taxation! No wonder the normals want to kill the mutants! Uhm, anyway, Firesnatch and Iceballs are off to Professor Xavier's mansion for food, fun and other 'f' words with their former teammates, leaving Spider-Man alone to save New York City himself. Not a big deal right? Well, since it's only a 20 minute cartoon, we gotta skip the story development and get straight into the action! So, not THREE SECONDS after the mutant duo leaves, the unstoppable Juggernaut hits town!

For those of you unfamiliar with Mr. Juggle-Your-Nuts, allow me to introduce you. Juggernaut is actually Cain Marko, stepbrother of X-Men founder and teacher Charles Xavier. Cain always picked on Chuck because Chuck was smaller and, being a big guy, Cain felt it was his duty to push the little turd around. Well, one day, Cain was on some expedition, and he discovered the Crimson Gem of Cytorak. The gem not only made Cain much larger and stronger, but it also gave him a powerful armor that shielded his body from physical attack and encased his head in a big dome shaped helmet that protected his feeble mind from psychic attacks as well. In other words, Cain physically became an armored version of the Incredible Hulk, minus the green pigmentation and various fluctuations in intelligence: an Unstoppable Juggernaut. Cain's battled many Marvel Universe heroes through out his illustrious career as a villain, many of them being members of the ever rotating X-Men roster as he continued trying to kill his stepbrother Charles. For what purpose I've never really figured out, but it's just common knowledge that he hates his crippled family member. Speaking of which, that's just what Juggy plans to do in this cartoon! But, before he can get to Westchester to go a few rounds with Chuck and his X-Men, he's gotta get past the Amazing Spider-Man!

Cain actually has little trouble defeating the arachnid man in spandex. Yes, despite hurtling debris at the armored brick shit house (including a steel girder that Juggy just turns into a pretzel), Spidey winds up unconscious in what used to be a construction site. However, I have to point out that when Spider-Man poured wet cement on Juggernaut, he began to glow a bright blue tone and he started crackling and popping! How can anyone expect an insect based superhero to stand up to the world's biggest bug zapper?! Meanwhile, at the posh hang out of the X-Men, the X-Mansion, the muties gather around for punch and discolored lumps of fruit. In attendance is Firestar and Iceman, as well as Storm (the elemental diva), Angel (the millionaire playboy with wings... if he weren't rich, the X-Men would have no use for this pathetic mutant), Cyclops (the field leader who has lasers in his eyes and a stick up his ass), Wolverine (the known bad ass with adamantium claws... and oddly enough, sporting a Australian accent) and the owner of the place, Professor X (who can read people's minds yet has no fashion sense, as he's wearing his gayest ascot).

To make conversation with her pals, Firestar regales everyone with her origin story... which is possibly THE most boring and pathetic origin story I've ever heard! That's INCLUDING Bouncing Boy! Besides, being her former partners in non-crime, shouldn't they already know her "origin"?!

Her life story basically consists of harassment and torture at the hands of a rich little bitch named Bonnie. Though the other girls eventually accepted the young heroine to be, Bonnie continued to cause trouble for her and alienate her long into high school. Finally, Firestar discovered her mutant ability to microwave shit without an oven and fly and make fire. Wahoo, I can make fire too. See, just add an oily rag to a bottle full of gasoline, light the rag with my Zippo, throw and ARGH! OWWWW! GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME! IT BURNS! IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNS! :::at this point, Anubis proceeds to extinguish his flaming robes by rolling on the ground and spitting on himself::: Remember kids *cough*cough* always THROW the bottle before the flaming rag burns down to the gasoline. Ouch. Anyway, ouch, let's got, ouch, on with the, ouch, rest of this review... OUCH!

With her new powers, Firestar not only saved her father from certain doom at his job on a construction site, but she also clears her name and humiliates that bitch Bonnie. Afterwards, while the bitch sit in jail, Firestar set the building on fire and the girl boiled alive in her own bodily fluids in one of the most graphic scenes in cartoon history! Oh wait, I'm making things up again. I do that sometimes when stories get boring. Well, after clearing her name and becoming Firestar, she soon joined the X-Men and the rest is history. Actually, since she's just made up for this cartoon, Firestar never had a real membership with the X-Men and therefore never had any history with them... ah, who the fuck cares, just get Juggernaut in here so we can break up this fucking flashback! And so, they all fight, Juggernaut kicks all their asses, Spider-Man arrives and he works with Iceman and Firestar and work off the villain's helmet, making his brain vulnerable to a psychic assault by Professor X.

After shutting the big goon down, the muties get back to their party and they all stand around drinking spiked punch and eating Rice Crispie squares with their new non-mutant pal Spider-Man. Yay, everyone's friends now and the bad guy's been defeated. The animation was okay, not as fluid as other toons from the time period. The story was borderline between boring and action packed. I really could've done without hearing about Firestar's personal problems growing up in a poor household. What am I, her Godz damned shrink?! On a final note, there was one thing in this episode that really, uhm, "stuck out": Cyclops's fierce package! Those shorts were obviously drawn with the the ladies in mind! Jeezus Kryst on a boat made of meat! That Cyclops be putting other animated pimps to shame!