Quotes
Many of these quotes were taken from “The Little Book of Humorous Quotations” by Alison Bullivant, which is highly recommended.   At the beginning of Chapter 6 it says, “There are many humorous quotations which are not so much funny as resoundingly true, and …. produce in us a wry smile.”   I think the best quotes are the ones you have to think about, where you are pretty sure you know what they mean, but it takes some thinking to draw that conclusion.
The liar’s punishment is not in the least that he is not believed but that he cannot believe anyone else.    George Bernard Shaw

When you are in trouble, people who call to sympathize are really looking for the particulars.    Edgar Watson Howe

It’s my rule never to lose me temper ‘til it would be detrimental to keep it.    Sean O’Casey

He that has a secret to hide should not only hide it but hide that he has it to hide.    Thomas Carlyle

Like all weak men he laid an exaggerated stress on not changing one’s mind.    W. Somerset Maugham

If you want to succeed in politics, you must keep your conscience well under control.    David Lloyd George

All politics are based on the indifference of the majority.    James Reston

A diplomat is a man who thinks twice before he says nothing.    Frederick Sawyer

Politics: a strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.    Ambrose Bierce

When I was a boy I was told that anyone could become President.  I’m beginning to believe it.    Clarence Darrow

It’s far easier to forgive an enemy after you’ve got even with him.      Olin Miller

The only thing experience teaches us is that experience teaches us nothing.      Andre’ Maurois

It is better to waste one’s youth than to do nothing with it at all.       Georges Courteline

The nail that sticks up gets hammered down (anonymous - a common saying stated by parents in Japan to encourage conformity over expression)

If in the last few years you haven't discarded a major opinion or acquired a new one, check your pulse. You may be dead.           Gelett Burgess

Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out.       Anton Chekhov

What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner.       Colette

If I turn out to be particularly clear, you've probably misunderstood what I've said.   Alan Greenspan

When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane.      Herman Hesse

Heresy is only another word for freedom of thought.       Graham Greene

Tolerance is only another name for indifference.       W. Somerset Maugham

The best way to have a good idea is to have a lot of ideas.      Linus Pauling

The most certain sign of wisdom is cheerfulness.        Michel de Montaigne

That is the thankless position of the father in the family—the provider for all, and the enemy of all.
August Strindberg

Youth is a religion from which one always ends up being converted       André Malraux

From James Thurber

Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?
If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.
You can fool too many of the people too much of the time.
One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.
There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else.
Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.

The haves have not what all the have-nots have since much of having is the need to have.      Samuel Hazo

"The American male doesn't mature until he has exhausted all other possibilities."    Wilfrid Sheed
Back to main page