had seen the nose of his plane explode in the air
and reported back that he was lost.
His wife sat crumpled over the telegram
also lost
sobbing
darkness her only companion.
But he had not died.
He spent months fighting to survive
burrowing his feet into straw for warmth
picking apart rotting wood for insects to sustain him
the vision of his sweet wife
in her warm sweater
waiting by the yellow glow of the lamp
driving him on.
Homecoming.
She gasped at his gaunt frame
but saw in his eyes
the same fire
and felt in his embrace
the depth of his feeling.
She drove him home.
He had never been to this place.
A strange home
in a strange place
but he saw familiar things within
as if pieces of his former life
had been woven into a new nest.
Somehow
despite the many past years together
there was a new strangeness
a stiffness
cardboard where once had been flannel.
They wanted things to be as they had been
and when they were not
they pretended that it was so
waiting to live their lives
instead of doing the living.
While he had been gone
she had been forced to make a new life.
In situations where before
she would have depended on him
she had learned
that she could always find a way,
that she had strength too.
He could tell now
that though she still wanted him
she did not need him
not in the same way
that she had needed him before.
His life had been on hold while he was gone.
Hers had marched on.
They did the things that were expected of them
put an addition on the back of the house
made babies to fill the cracks
saw each sun arise
saw each such sun settle into the earth.
But there were times in the evening when she was alone
sitting by that same yellow glow of that same lamp
that she felt lost
sobbing
darkness her only companion.
And in the early morning
before either she or the sun had arisen
the lone sight in their dining room
was the red glow of his cigarette
as he sat and thought.
Sat and thought.
Later
when she despised him
she decided he was to blame.
She never told him
but he already knew she felt that way.
And every year he bought for her a bigger birthday card.
with more roses on it than the last.