and I loved her husky crackly voice
She had a way of tilting her head down
and then lifting just her eyes
as she smiled up at me.
Pale pale skin
Slow deliberate movements
and a mind that searched
always poking into corners
puzzling things out
drinking her tea
and nibbling on animal crackers
She always ate the legs first
then the head
and the body last.
This is my body
this is my blood
this is my pale pale skin
But if the sky turned dark,
if the wind began to stir
she became dark and brittle
anxious and tight.
She would set her cup down with a clatter,
look searchingly out the window
and without her realizing it
her hands would begin to twist and clench together
making that faint skin-rubbing sound
that meant we were no longer together that day.
When drops began finally to strike the panes of glass
she would begin to pace
back and forth in front of the big window
a trapped animal
hands repeating over and over
their desperate dance.
I knew she would not sleep
would not stop
as long as the rain continued
as long as the sky was swirling and dark.
This is my body
this is my blood
I would sit and watch her a while
then straighten the pillows on the sofa,
pick up our dishes,
and leave her as she wished to be,
alone
alone with her strain.