March will bring you very bad luck and heart ache through out this month and possible the next and possible the one after that.
Watch out this month as you may suffer a horrible accident including the loss of memory, possible limbs, and the stars say you may find your self growing a third eye.
Well at least this third eye will help you look out for more danger.
School or work will over power you to the extent of madness. You will be highly depressed this month and your love life will take a turn for the worst. YOu will find your self to repell the oppsoite sex, you begin the comb over your greasy hair as you begin to go bald, yes even if you are a woman this will also happen to you! Libra's you are not safe this month, well actually your whole years seems to be booked out with terror and misguidence.
This month you will find yourself completely alone, your friends and family will dessert you! You will begin to feel like a clam that has been prised open. You will find this a not suprising sensation because you died this way in your previous life as a clam.
This is the happiest month for all Aquarians because you will be enslaved and tortured by and evil Alien race from the planet Zoid.
This has been the best news so far to be foretold of Aquarians. Have a good summer I hear the plutonium pools on Zoid are rather enjoyable. And I'm sure the few draw backs, such as wip scars and other various ailments of slavery will be bareable eventually.
You will fall into a pit of fire and burn till you reach hell there you continue to be burnt and also mutilated as well! Sorry dudes but somebody had to tell you!
Capricorns around the world will have a wonderfull year this year, unless your name does not begin with an S then you will suffer an extreamly debilitating disease, the antidote to which is unknown to man! This disease will take you to the brink off death where you will look over the edge and say......."I'd rather not thanks" and from that moment on you will be cured of all your ailments and afflictions.
This month you should probably saty close to the bathroom and it would be advisory to wear a gas mask as your bowl movements will become rather difficult and smelly. You will suffer from terrible flatulence that can only be measured on a Rickter scale.
Ironically this month you will be rammed by a bull then mauled by a wild pack of mountain rabbits. Unlikley I know but this month I guarentee it will be happening to YOU!
This month the God will mess with your brain, in the form of a lightning bolt stricking you somewhere between your cranium and forehead. They will then open up your head and play ping pong with your solidified eye balls. Set, Game, and Match!
They will also use your flattened out body as the table tennis table.
This month you will get on the wrong side of an insane witch who will cast a spell on you making you believe that you are a chicken, this transaction will be easy and smooth for you because your brain capacity is about the same as a chickens. Your life from this day fourth will be uneventful and chicken-like.
This month you will come across 'The Book of the Living' (see The Mummy Returns) and will believe it will bring back your dearly departed great great Aunt, when in fact it turns you into an insane Zombie unable to control yourself. You will continue your pillgramige throughout the world leaving a trail of diasater and distruction behind you until one day you realise that Tuna really does taste good and return to your normal self only to be frustratingly killed by a rogue clown out to get revenge on the person who honked his red nose till it popped.
Life will be perfect bliss for all you Cancerians out there this month if your first name starts with an A if it dosent then this month will be worse than an other experianced by you in this life time because this month you will be caught up in a public scandle involving you, 3 tubes of glue, 6 feather bowers, a horse, 5 pigs, a dog, a pair of hand cuffs and your 60 year old neighbor whose idea it all was!
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