December 7, 2003
RAW Choice Cut: The Juliana Theory - "If I Told You This Was Killing Me, Would You Stop?"

Well, I did keep my word.  Technically.  The EAP is dead and gone (for now) and in its place we have RAW.  Yeah, I'm not too keen on the name either, but it gave me a reason to use a WWE logo in a useful way.  Plus its useful in that the stuff here won't be as processed as my EAP thoughts were.  So in a nutshell, when I'm mad or upset I'm just gonna vent here instead of throwing knives in an EAP.  This'll be more like a journal (so it'll actually get updated).  Maybe one day if (when) the EAP comes out of retirement I can use them as two separate brands.  Anyways, it's a new beginning.  New digs, new colors, new avatars, and plenty of new thoughts…  This could get interesting.

"Though you swear that you are true, I'd still pick my friends over you."        - A New Found Glory
I've noticed something.  I swear your friends have radar.  Its almost as if they can pull what's good for you and what's not.  I think in my 4 years here I've only seen a group of friends be wrong maybe twice. Now the question is what happened those two times?  Depends on who you ask.  The friends were either right and the person at fault was a retard or the person making the "brilliant" decision was right and now the advice from their people has to be taken with a grain of salt.  Well that's an interesting situation to be in, now ain't it?

"Chuck Smooth, the neighborhood mutt, chasin' after that butt."            - Chuck Smooth
Yet another topic that got its start in the summertime.  Guys who can lay down the mack at a party, I applaude you.  I've just never been fond of the whole "corral" approach, but to each their own.  I must say, it does take skill.  Its hard enough trying to come up with conversation to hold a female's attention as is, but to do it while you're competing with music, alcohol, and about 6 other guys all wanting the same girl's
attention, well that just takes skill.  Me - I'll chill by the keg and wait til there's somewhere less busy.

"I'm only a man, in a phony red sheet.  Its not easy (its not easy) to be me…"    - Five For Fighting
Okay, this don't happen often, but I'm gonna try and make this a more frequent thing.  Call it the beginning of a self-actualization process or me being really vulnerable right now and embracing it (which is soooo not like me).  Anyways, I'm gonna ask for help here every so often and I'd appreciate a little help with it.  In a nutshell, I have problems expressing emotions.  Well, to better phrase that, emotions other than extreme
happiness, jealousy, or extreme anger.  I'm good at those.  But the middle ones (sadness, joy, love, frustration, etc.) I have a little trouble with.  Its been about two years since I've had to use 'em, and sometimes I question whether or not they're still there.  How can you help?  Ask me questions or just listen to me when I want to talk about something that's serious.  That's all, nothing too major.  I'd greatly appreciate it.

"Forgetting all I'm lacking.  Completely incomplete.  I'll take your invitation.  You take all of me."   - Lifehouse
Sometimes I question where time goes.  Its almost as if things happen, then in the blink of an eye, they're gone.  The moment has passed.  All you have left now are you memories.  And even those start to fade after time.  Then all you're left with is a random toy and questions you'll never get answered.

"Too bad that you couldn't see, see the man that boy could be…"                                                             - Avril
Since I'm always willing to help, let me just offer this suggestion.  Let him go, you'll quite possibly want to dropkick yourself.  If he makes you smile you say he does, then you owe it to yourself to at least think about it again.  And if you ask as to why I put this in print, well a) I knew you'd read it and b) sometimes things get through better in print than they would have if I had just said it...

"Cease to resist.  Giving my goodbye.  Drive my car into the ocean.  You think I'm dead, but I sail away…  On a wave of mutilation, wave of mutilation, wave of mutilation, wave…"      - The Pixies
It's good to get away sometimes.  Every now and then you need a trip to be just be by your lonesome.  We're all packed pretty tight here, so free time is a rarity.  When you do manage to get off by yourself, enjoy it.  Give yourself time to think.  Air out your thoughts.  Sing if necessary.  Then when you get done, go home.  But don't bring any of your baggage back with you.  That was the point of you disappearing in the first place.