How to restore a relationship?
God has "called us to settle our relationships with each other."
The 7 biblical steps to restoring a relationship are:


1. Talk to god before talking to the person.

You have to pray and ask for his guidance before gossiping to a friend.

(This was the first step I missed and messed up with you Christina. I went to you first but not in the right way, then I went to my parents about us for advice that I should not have sought. I should have prayed to God about what to say but you learn from you're mistakes and I am in the process of learning for certain.)



2. Always take the initiative.

Schedule a face to face meeting as soon as possible. Delay only deepens resentment and makes matters worse. In conflict, time heals nothing; it causes hurts to fester. Acting quickly also reduces the spiritual damage to you. The bible says sin, including unresolved conflict, blocks our fellowship with God and keeps our prayers from being answered.

(I tried to do this with you but I did it wrong. You never allowed me to understand anything when I spoke to you and the only thing you gave me was more hurt by not speaking with me. I did not understand and was hurting incredibly. Each attempt at trying, lead me to even more heartache. This constant reaching out and being cut off by you spiritually caused me incredible agony and internal pain. But I did not understand why you would not speak or talk or see anything.)


3. Sympathize with their feelings.

Patience comes from wisdom, and wisdom comes from hearing the perspective of others. Listening says, "I value your opinion, I care about our relationship, and you matter to me.
Use your ears more than your mouth. Before attempting to solve any disagreement you must first listen to people's feelings. The GREEK word scopos, where we get the word telescope and microscope from, means: Pay close attention to. Focus on their feelings, not the facts. Begin with sympathy, not solutions.

(I did not do a good job here to begin with, being a guy we go straight into how to resolve things, here is the answer now do it. I did not sympathize with your feelings and listen. This is my biggest learning and disciplining I have found I need in God to be the man I have to be for you Christina. The bible says, " A man's wisdom gives him patience, it is to his glory to overlook an offense.")


4. Confess your part of the conflict.

Confession is a powerful tool for reconciliation. Often the way we handle a conflict creates a bigger hurt than the original problem itself. When you begin by humbly admitting your mistakes, it defuses the other person's anger and disarms their attack becuase they were probably expecting you to be defensive. Don't make excuses or shift the blame; just honestly own up to your part in the conflict. Accept responsiblity.

(I confess everything to you almost daily but I find so many more things I have found I did not even realize I had done. This is a long learning process for me. I will confess to you everything I learn I have done wrong though becuase I need to. This is not a one sided thing here either. You need to do this as well and it is not just about confessing it but it is about not repeating the offense again also. I am learning this as best I can by learning to listen before I speak so as to not hurt again the person that I am dealing with.)


5. Attack the problem, not the person.

The Bible says, "A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire." You will never get your point across by being cross, so choose your words wisely. A soft answer is always better than a sarcastic one. In resolving conflict, how you say it is as important as what you say. If your say it offensively, it will be recieved defensively. God tells us, "A wise, mature person is known for his understanding. The more pleasant his words, the more persuasive he is." Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you.

(I know you felt attacked by me many times and I am sure I did that as well. Like last night about our talk with Aaron it proved once again how stupid I am. Not seeing what I said as anything but pitty me basically and that lead to Aaron thinking you were bad and saying stuff. Even though I did not see it both you and he felt it. I am sorry for attacking you in anyway that I have. But I am learning and accepting everything I have done wrong and attempting to do the right thing in all that I do.)


6. Cooperate as much as possible.

Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody. Jesus said: "You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family."

(This I am more then willing to do, finding our balance of mutual cooperation together. We do not have to see eye to eye on everything or agree about how things are done we just need to find our peaceful balance and work as partners forever on everything.)


7. Emphasize reconciliation, not resolution.

Reconciliation focuses on the relatioship, while resolution focuses on the problem. When we focus on reconciliation, the problem loses significance and often becomes irrelevant. We can reestablish a relationship even when we are unalbe to resolve our differences.

(Here I say to you this. We do not have to know exactly what the right way everything is supposed to be. We just need to be back together in our hearts working together to continually learn how better to treat each other. We do not have to have answers to why things are done or what should have been said etc... God knows our hearts and working as we should together in a reconcilied relationship I know the answers or resolutions are going to find their own way.)