For My entire ten years as a Pro Dom, I have been debating the reasons for and against having sex with My submissive male clients. I have committed Myself to bring up the issue in this public forum, based on the pro's and con's of a Female Professional Dominant and Her male submissive client engaging (or not) in intimate sexual relations on a professional (paid) basis. I do not intend to say that sex should or should not take place, I only hope to explore all points for and against. We can all make our own safe, sane and consensual decisions.
The specific sex acts that can take place within an S/M scene are "bodyworship" (oral-genital skin-to-skin contact); hand or mouth contact of any part of a Mistresses' clothed or unclothed body, including Her breasts, Her cleavage, Her pubic area, Her outer vagina, Her inner vagina, Her thighs, or any other (not necessarily) sexual part of Her body. A male submissive may also enter a Mistresses' body (via Her vagina, anus or mouth) with his penis, tongue, hand, finger or any other foreign object She may have in Her dungeon or bedroom, such as a dildo or butt-plug, or anything longer than it is wide.
If the male submissive is well behaved and lucky enough, it is not unheard of for the Mistress to manually or orally pleasure the mans' penis or asshole with Her own body, or maybe a vibrator or any other tool She is prepared with. Have you experienced any of the above acts within your Mistress/sub relationship? Or not ? Have you ever questioned why or why not? Well, let's stop thinking with our groins, and start thinking with our brains. (The brain is the largest sexual organ.)
Professional Domination does fall into the business category of the "Sex Industry". We are providing a sensual, (although not necessarily sexual) service. If the fantasy or fetish of the male submissive involves sexual (as opposed to sensual) gratification, and if the Dom agrees to providing this kind of service during the negotiations, both the Dom and the sub could benefit from this arrangement. A potential client called Me the other day stating he has a "cunt fetish". After my laughter stopped, I informed him that all men have a cunt fetish, (as do most Lesbians!) If his fantasy involves being smothered with a Womans' breasts, or suffocation with a panty-clad (or naked) cunt, or strangulation with a powerful Womans' thighs, it is highly possible he will be able to find a Pro Dom willing to provide that kind of service.
Some submissive men feel that a Woman cannot enjoy a scene without sexual gratification, (eg. An orgasm or a very well faked one), therefore they enjoy "orally pleasing a Mistress". Some bottoms get a thrill out of "degrading" themselves by cleaning the Mistresses' moist fragrant pussy, or freshening up Her pungent asshole with their eager tongues. I personally do not think of the sub as degrading themselves, but as being greatly honoured and rewarded by that intimate pleasure. But, I am the last person to judge ones' perversions. It's a sick world! (Thank Goddess.)
It is my hope that if people are enjoying these activities, they are practising saf(er) sex. An attractive Woman who is sexually available to anyone with enough money has probably been with many more sexual partners then a Woman who is not employed through the sex industry. Realistically, She has a greater chance of being in intimate contact with someone who has an S.T.D. Most professionals in the sex industry use protection, but many people do not use latex condoms and/or dental dams when they are engaging in oral sex. (Especially combined with an antiviral lubricant or spermacide that has nonoxyl 9.) These two precautions are nowhere near 99% effective against H.I.V, Herpes, or any other S.T.D. except when used properly. If your mistress has allowed you "the greatest of honours", who else has She allowed? Please respect yourself and your Dominant, by using complete and proper protection.
For certain Dominant Women, combining S/M and sex can be hugely financially rewarding. If the "traditional" Dominant decides to provide "full service" for Her clients, She can double Her income. Fully equipped, quality Domination sessions led by a safe, competent Domina are currently going for around $200-$250 for an hour, less per each additional hour.
(Please consider that Our dungeon has about $100,000 worth of custom- made equipment; and a single outfit can run upwards of $500 for boots, $500 for a corset, $1000 for a bra, panties, garter, and/or a top with a skirt or pants. Please do not ask the price of this in leather or latex! This does not include makeup, hair, manicure and pedicure. The total outfit can be minimum $2000.)
Sexual "full service" Domination starts at about $400 for the hour. This higher rate was what the standard foot fetishist paid for an hour of My time ten years ago. (There were as many Professional Dominatrixes in Canada then as there are in Toronto, now.)
Money means different things to men and Women. Generally, men equate money with power. Money brings feelings of security to Women. The reason that finances are dealt with at the beginning of a sensual exchange between men and Women is because men are subconsciously giving the power (through money) to Women, and Women need a sense of security before sharing themselves sensually. It is not surprising that some Women have decided to combine Domination and sex for money.
However, many of Us Dominant Women have chosen NOT to allow our inferior male submissives sexual intimacy. Mainly, We exist in the grey area of the Law, and providing sex for Our clients would be too much for an archaic legal system to handle. Women Who have all the power and sexual initiative as well? Call the Morality Squad! Canada's outdated sexual laws are hardly enforced on the "Johns" who frequently break them, meanwhile legally and financially penalizing the mainly poor and uneducated Women who are only trying to make a decent living. Our current laws only protect the frigid and hypocritical men and women who for political, social, and personal reasons wish to impose their minority morals on the public majority. The illegality of sex for money only increases shame and secrecy, as well as the spread of diseases. Prostitution should be decriminalized, so we can regulate the sex trade for reasons of public health safety, and also make fee distinctions based on the quality of service. Many European governments have successfully regulated Prostitution. But, for now, "solicitation for the purposes of sex" is illegal in Canada. The best Professional Dominants can do, is keep legally clean, and maybe one day, Our Profession will not be in such a grey legal area.
Another reason sex should not take place in a paid S/M scene is because of the health hazards explained earlier. Many of My sub male clients visit Me because they respect their current partners,(and themselves) and wish to experience a sensual exchange of power without physically or psychologically compromising themselves. Unless you have been 100% monogamous with your partner (and they 100% in return) for ALL your sexual life, you must assume everyone you play with has every disease and S.T.D. , and play with that in mind. This is the only way to stay alive and healthy enough to continue an active sensual/sexual lifestyle.
Men equate sex with power and penetration, and Women generally equate sex with vulnerability and emotional and physical surrender, by the fact that men put their penises inside a Woman's vagina (or mouth, or anus) and inside Her body. A man naturally feels he has to be in control in most sexual exchanges, and if a man is truly submissive, he should want to give the power and control to a Superior Dominant Woman.
The only reason a man would want to have sex (orally, vaginally, anally or manually) with his Mistress is if he wants to take the power back (that he previously gave his Dominatrix) at the end of T/their session. These men are uncomfortable, and unsure about their submissive nature. To quote; " Hamsters can fuck. It takes an intelligent human being to be perverted." True S/M is not about genitalia. Another quote; , "Putting a cock in a cunt is not necessarily the punctuation at the end of a sexual sentence." Real S/M is about sensually, physically, emotionally and spiritually challenging one's self. Not getting off.
Personally, I have nothing against sex for money. I love going to watch gorgeous male or Female Exotic Dancers. I am passionately dedicated to My calling as a Professional Dominatrix. These three careers are considered part of the Sex Industry, but they are not the same, and should be kept completely and totally separate.
It was only a few years ago, that thanks to the perverted perserverance of a few people in the S/M Community that consensual Sadomasochistic Activities were removed from the Diagnostic Manual of Psychiatry as deviant and negative practices. Just think! Safe, Sane and Consensual S/M was considered on the same level as Paul Bernardo's and Jeffrey Dalmers' criminal activities. (Thank you, to Those who changed that outdated belief.)
Hopefully, "communication with the intent of purchasing sexual services" will be legalized soon. It will be very difficult for that to happen if the sex profession does not start treating sexual services for money as legitimately and seriously as private consensual S/M'ers treat themselves. In order for this to happen, sex must be kept separate from Professional S/M. Currently, ANY item or activity that a SINGLE independent police officer views as "obscene", is legal cause to shut down an entire dungeon, and confiscate all of the Professional Dominas' equipment, and personal belongings if She works out of Her residence. The current obscenity laws are not clearly defined, they are vague and open to personal interpretation. This MUST change.
We fully realize that men are largely sexually influenced, however We know that you have a mind, and spirit as well. I promise you that We will explore you as completely as you will allow and trust Us to . We will take you above and beyond a mere sexual experience, and grow and explore the world of S/M with you.
There is little better than a good animalistic fucking. I Myself have crossed over the slippery sexual line a couple of times, by the powerful energy that I have created with a private submissive in a scene. However, the most meaningful and memorable time I have had, has been in a scene where there was only pure S/M.
A good Pro Dom can stimulate your mind, body and spirit. We have the creativity and intelligence to challenge and entertain you for the entire time you are in Our presence. Your fantasies can be created with a Professional Dominatrix. After the session, you can use the reality of your scene however you wish. Sex with your Dominatrix would destroy your fantasy.
