Untitled MM fic
by Kiwi mailto:JubiLuv@hotmail.com
Mana sat down slowly, shocked, why? is it because of me? Is he disgusted at what
we did? I shouldnt have wrote that letter to him! Now hes leaving the band, he leaving
me...Its all my fault. That night should never have happened! But I dont regret what
happened. Why does he hate me?? tears started streaming down his cheeks, sobs wrack
his body, Mana hug the cushion tighter. Gackt...Camui... why? please come back...
Over the next few days Mana tried everything he could think of to get Gackt to
talk to him. But Gackt always gave him an excuse. At night Mana would try and think of
ways to talk to the soon-to-be-ex-vocalist of Malice Mizer, and in the day time he would
try and put his plans into action, but was always rejected. Today is going to be my last
chance! He has got to listen! Ill-Ill tell him I didnt mean all the things I wrote, or Mr.
Hayama gave it to the wrong person. But that would be a lie... and I never lied to him
Mana, decision made, got up and walk down the hall to the make up room, where
he knew Gackt would be. He knocked softly against the door. who is it it was said in a
groan but Mana heard it, its me, a pause then, go away this time the voice was cold,
colder than ice. Mana flinched. Gackt! Please! I really want to talk, please... I dont
want to talk to you. Go away! Just this once! Only this once, please? a long pause
follow, Mana was about to walk away ,dejected, when he heard a click sound, indicating
that the door is unlocked. Mana breath in a deep breath and open the door, walks slowly
inside and gently close the door behind him. Gackt was busy packing up his things. Oh no!
Hes packing! Manas voice shook as spoke, Ga-Gackt are you leaving the band because
of me? Gackts back was turned to him, No. Then wh- Youve asked you question
now, leave. Gac- Leave Mana, I dont ever want to see your face ever again. Mana
almost lost it right there, tears were threatening to come forth. H-he couldnt mean that.
Mana walk up next to Gackt and place a hand on his arm, but Gackt smack his hand off.
He turn to face him, his face statementless. get out he stated flatly. WHY?? Why
wont you talk to me?? Why do you hate me?? Mana is seriously hurting. He wants to
cry, but dare not. Still statementless, he reply you really want to know? Mana nodded,
he didnt trust his voice anymore, thats because youre a SLUT! Not to mention the
worst kind too slut? he called me a slut... why? why? Mana dropped to the floor. he
really hates me....gackt By now Gackt has already finished packing, and is walking out the
door, without even a backward glance at the weeping man sitting on the floor. Mana
watch him go, heart aching and shattering into bits and pieces with every step Gackt took.
Mana stayed in that position for the next few hours, hoping Gackt would come
back. When he finally heard the open, Manas heart skipped a beat, maybe its him, maybe
he forgot something... that thought was cut off when he saw Kozi enter. Mana! There
you are! Weve been looking fo- Kozi cut himself off when he saw dry tears on Manas
cheeks. He walk over to him and softly brush away his tears, what is it? what happened?
Mana couldnt contain it anymore. He broke down, buried his face in Kozis chest and
cried. The sobbing never seem to end. After about an hour in that position, Mana had
cried himself to sleep. Kozi picked him up and lay him down on the couch. Poor
Mana-chan, I wonder what caused this. Looking around, Maybe this has something to do
with Gackt ne? Im going to have to talk to him...
Over the next few months, Mana seem to be getting better, so Kozi doesnt want
to bother him or remind him of what happened. He also cant seem to reach Gackt. Gackt
had moved to another place and his cell phone number is also changed.
Mana may look like hes ok, but in reality he missed Gackt and his heart is still
broken, theres nothing he can do to repair it. He was walking down the hall on his way
home when Mr. Hayama, their current manager, stopped him. Mana-san! he beamed at
seeing the person he lusted after for the last few months, Konnichiwa Hayama-san,
Konnichiwa, ne Mana you want to go with me to get a drink? Gomen, but I really
cant. Mr. Hayama who gets everything he wants wasnt going to give up so easily, Ok
then, where are you going? The grocery store can I come? Ill help you with the bags
if you like. umm...I dont know... Mana was obvious to the Managers attraction to
him, and he didnt need that kind of attention. Mana had never bedded anyone other than
Gackt and never will, even though Gackt had said he doesnt want him, and called him a
slut, hes going to prove to him that he is not, maybe then he would come back, demo he
said hes leaving but not because of me...Mana had then started wearing pants and long
sleeve shirts more often. He doesnt want Gackt to keep on thinking he was such a low
life, if he cant get over Gackt why not continue loving him at a distance? Mr. Hayama
took Manas long silence as a yes, Hai! Mana-san lets get going, the grocery stores
going to close soon he walk toward his car, expecting Mana to follow but when he
looked back Mana was in his car and is about to drive off. hmmm....My little delicate
Mana-chan....trying to run away? Not if I can help it....just you wait....Ill have you on a
bed and spreading your beautiful and delicate legs for me....in no time. He chuckle to
himself, then drove off, following Manas black BTW.
Later that evening, Mr. Hayama had somehow convinced Mana to let him carry
some of his groceries up to his apartment. Mana took out his keys and open the door for
him, umm you could just put that on the counter. When all the groceries were put away,
Mana trying to be a good host asked Would you like to anything to drink? ah! yes that
would be nice, do you have any beer Mana-san? hai Mana went into the kitchen to get
a can. When he came out, he saw him looking at the photos on the table. The photos were
of him and the rest of Malice Mizer a year and a half ago. He missed Kami. His friend was
very nice to him. Sensing hes not alone anymore, Mr. Hayama turn around and smile at
him, Mana handed him his drink, but he didnt smile back. After Gackt had left he never
seem to smile anymore. Ne Mana-san, did you ever have a special person in your life?
Mana was surprised, hes not going to tell me his desires is he? hai, who were they, if
you dont mind me asking umm..I cant really tell you Thats ok, maybe we should
change the suject.... Half an hour later Mana saw Mr. Hayama to the door.
Unknown to Mana, Gackt was downstairs sitting in his car like he has been doing
since 2 months ago. He could still feel hurt by the letter Mana wrote to him, how could
he? how could he just forget that night? Just like that? How could he even THINK of
suggesting something so ....aaagghhh! We were having so much fun and I thought- I had
thought he really liked me. He still regretted being so mean to Mana. All he wanted to do
is forget about the guitarist. love, nice Camui, how can you forget him if you love him?
Gackt sigh, during the time he had been watching Mana, Mana never brought anyone
home, but tonight, he saw Mr. Hayama walking with Mana into the building, and its
already been 45 minutes since he was in there, hn! why should what he do with the
manager bother me? hes probably fucking him right now! slut! Gackt just couldnt
forget what was written on that letter, it haunted him day and night.
Gackt you were great last night, even if we were drunk, I dont mind doing it again, but
the manager was a good fuck too, I think I like him better in bed. Hey! Maybe we can do
a threesome ne? ....etc... signed Mana
Gackt had crumbled the letter once he finished, and he had been furious to say the
least. how-how could he say that!! Gackt had really thought Mana had felt something for
him, now he sure he had been wrong.
Just then Gackt saw the manager walk out of he building and towards his car.
Finished already? hn! I dont give a fuck, with that thought Gackt drove home off to his
favorite bar. He really want to get drunk right now. Dont want to think.
An hour later Mana sigh, I really need a drink....he went into the kitchen to get a
beer but remembered that Mr. Hayama drank the last of it. Mana grab his coat and close
the door. I need to get a drink. Mana drove off to the nearby bar, when Mana parked his
car, he look toward the bar and sigh Gackt had always liked this bar, I dont even think
he remembers it now. Mana walk into the building, he stopped to look for a seat and
found one at the bar table. He went over to sit down, a waiter came by what can I get
you, pretty lady? one volka the waiter rise an eyebrow, you dont look the type that
can hold their liquor Mana didnt answer, he shrugged. Mana really wanted to get drunk
and volka is the best way, he can hold other liquors well but liquor will get him drunk in
no time. A few minutes later, he was enjoying his drink when he heard his name being
called by a unmistakably familiar voice, Mana look around, he was sure he was
hallucinating it, how could he be here anyway, shaking his head Mana went back to his
drink. He was about finished when he saw someone he know that doesnt want to see him,
Mana rubbed his eyes, sure that it is a dream, but when he look again, there he is, Gackt
head buried in his arms, obviously drunk. Mana couldnt believe his eyes and he also
didnt dare move, afraid that even a bit of movement would shatter his vision. After 2
minutes, Mana, thinking Gackt fell asleep, hesitantly brush some of Gackts bangs away
from his beloveds face. Mana continue to stare at the handsome face of the
ex-bandmember. Mana ran his finger tip along the outline of Gackts cheekbones. Tracing
the beloved features of the one that he gave his shattered heart to.
Gackt stirred, Mana jerk his hand back but he was not fast enough, Gackt held
onto the hand that had caress his cheek a second ago. He look up at the owner of the
hand. Gackt was sure he was dreaming, Mana couldnt be here, but what a nice dream it
is. He brought the hand to his lips and kissed the palm. Manas heart began to beat double
time. No-no he cant be doing this, hes drunk and he doesnt know who I am. Mana tries
to pull his hand away but even drunk Gackt is stronger than Mana. gackt...let go...
please.... Mana spoke softly, Gackt was too drunk to think straight, and he brought his
brows together and frown, no... he then use all the strength he can master in his drunken
state and pull Mana to him. Mana landed, surprised, into Gackts arms. He stay still, his
eyes were wide and sad, gackt im not who you think i am....please let go....youre going
to regret this... please? Mana tried to reason with him again but his heart isnt in it.
Gackts only response is tighten the hold he has on Manas slender waist. Mana almost
melted into the strong arms that he love, then he tensed up, Gackts hands were roaming
up and down his back. Why couldnt this be real? Why couldnt you do this when youre
sober? Mana sadly thought. He slide regrettably out of Gackt embrace, Lets get you out
of here ne? Youre drunk
Mana who is not as strong as Gackt still somehow managed to get him into his car.
Then he remembered that Gackt had moved, he didnt know where he lives. With his
decision made Mana drove Gackt to his home. He then somehow also managed to get
Gackt into his apartment. He move toward the bedroom, once there, Mana gently lay
Gackt down on the mattress. The moonlight escape the confine of the curtains and
highlighted both the two figures, with a pale silvery glow. Mana drew the cover tightly
over the his ex-vocalist, and smooth his hair down. He looked at Gackt for awhile and
gave into temptation, lean down and gently kissed his forehead. oyasumi my itoshii it
came out lower than a whisper. He try to get up but didnt get far when one of Gackts
hand grab his arm. ahh! surprised, and turn to panic when Gackt pulls him toward him.
Mana tries to get back up but everytime he try Gackt pulls him back down to his chest.
Mana blushed Ill just stay a bit longer, until he falls into a deeper sleep. But after a
while Gackt didnt seem to be going into a much deeper sleep, Mana couldnt help but
stare at his beloved. Whats left of his heart began to ache, soon Mana was crying soft and
quietly so he doesnt wake his love. Around 2 am in the morning Mana finally cried
himself to asleep.
Gackt groaned, he mustve drank too much again last night, again. But this time,
he goggily notice, hes not in the bar. Last time he was drunk, the owner took pity on him
and let him stay the night, and he had been grateful. Where-where am I? Gackt tries to
open his eyes but shut them again and groan, too bright, he try again. He then tries to sit
up, but he hangover took over and it took him a few minutes to gather his bearings. He
look around the room, it look familiar.....then he remembered whos room this is...What
the hell am I doing here??? Gackt started to get up...took a few minutes to stand up
without swaying sideways, and went to the bathroom. When he came out, he was 88%
refreshed, then he frown, Mana should be here, he still cant bear to see him yet. Still, its
his place, I really should at least say thank you. Gackt look around for any signs of
Mana, but couldnt find him. He tried the kitchen and found some breakfast on the table,
he walk toward the table and found a note underneath a glass of soy bean drink.
I didnt think you would like to see me when you wake up so I left, here are some
breakfast. You should at least eat something to put in your stomach after all that liquor
you drank last night.
Gackt glanced toward the food and heard his stomach growl, he sigh and sat down
to eat. After he finished, Gackt went to wash the dishes and walk out the door. When
Mana heard the door click shut, he sadly came out of his hiding place, which was the
balcony, he was lucky Gackt didnt think of checking there. He watch as Gackt called a
taxi and watch as it pull away.
Mana didnt notice a familiar car in the driveway. Mr. Hayama watch jealously as
Gackt came out of Manas building. I thought I took care of him! What is my Mana still
doing with him? That letter was supposed to send him away damn it! He got out of his car
and went into the building.
Mana snap back to reality when he heard his door bell ring. He went to the door
and peek through the peephole to see who it is. He open the door, Ohayo Mr. Hayama,
what can I do for you this early? Ohayo Mana-san, do you mind if I come in? Mana
step aside to let the manager in. Mana follow the manager into the living room to see what
he wants this early in the morning. Mana was surprised to see anyone that he forgot to
lock the door behind him. Mana could I ask you a question? Mana sat down and look at
him, hai I just saw Gackt leave your apartment building, is everything all right?
surprised, hai, I found him drunk last night in a bar so I brought him home this may be
personal but may I ask if anything happened last night while he was here? Mana
narrowed his eyes, Mr. Hayama I appreciate you worrying about me but what happened
last night doesnt concern you at all Hayama was losing patience, he wants Mana and he
is going to have him...
Gackt smack his forehead, how could he have lost my keys? I must have dropped
it somewhere in Manas place. ano...driver? Can you take me back. I forgot something
The driver thinking that the longer his customer stay in his car the more money he can
charge, agreed and turn the car around.
Mana fidgeted under the intense gaze his manager is giving him. Mana-chan, have
you ever thought of being in a relationship with a guy? Mana blinked, confused, huh?
un..yes are we going to have this conversation over again?? Hayama wasnt surprised
that is confused as to why he brought it up again, how about dominant and submissive
ones? Mana blinked again, he doesnt know where this is going, kind of, why do you
asked? Hayama grinned mysteriously, ne Mana, Ive been thinking of you a lot during
the past few mouths he moved closer to Mana, Manas eyes widen hes not thinking of
telling me he wants me now is he?? Mana started to panic and moved away from Hayama,
but the man followed him, until he was backed up against the end of the couch, with no
way out. Hayama grab a hold of Manas hands and held them down, Mana tried to kick
him off but Hayama rearranged both his hands so now he is holding both of Manas hands
in one of his. He then held Manas legs down and settle between them. By then Mana
started screaming and yelling. GET OFF ME! Please! get off!! Let me GO! I dont want
this! he started sobbing. Hayama ignore it. He is finally going to have want he wanted
and he isnt going to let anything get in his way. Mana started kicking again but Hayama
was just too strong. ahh....Mana do you know how long Ive waited? Ive been trying to
be kind and gentle but you gave me no choice. Youre just too alluring, I cant wait
anymore and did you know how jealous I was when I saw that Gackt coming out of your
building? hmmm? No? Mana was very frightened, he could only imagine what is going to
happen and he didnt like it one bit....Gackt....where are you??... Mana sob, he continue
trying to wiggle out of Hayamas grip. Please! Dont do this! No. Ive imagined you
laying down on the bed willingly but I see that isnt going to happen. Ive fantasized you
spreading your lovely legs for me, my beautiful Mana. And you are going to spread them.
Im going to take you and you cant do nothing about it. NO! I already belong to Gackt,
I dont want you!
Gackt walked into the building, the guard recognized and let him in. I hope Mana
isnt home right now. If Gackt has to face him now, he wouldnt know what to say.
Suddenly panic past through him for a split second, confused, but worried Gackt started
to run up the stairs since waiting for the elevator takes to long. Why is he suddenly so
I knew youve spent a night with him a few months back. Oh and the letter you
trusted me to give him he grinned I threw it away, I took the liberty of writing up a new
one copying your handwriting. And was I surprised when I heard he was going to quit, but
that was all right, once he is out of the way Ill have you all to myself. Mana eyes widen,
You-youre the one that caused all this?? Why yes, and after Im done with you, Ill bet
Gackt wouldnt want anything to do with you again, if he ever finds out No! GET
AWAY FROM ME!! Hayama started tearing Manas blouse off, he pressed down on top
of Mana so that the other man could feel his arousal, he then started to lean forward to
kiss that long lean neck...
Gackt stopped infront of Manas apartment, he couldnt decide if he should knock
first or just try the door. He made his decision when he heard a scream inside, that
unmistakably belongs to Mana. Gackt tried the door knob expecting it to be locked, was
surprised when it opened. When he looked up, horror and shock welled up. Mana was
kicking and pushing at his ex-manager, and he was obviously not a willing participant in
this. Gackt grabbed he nearest thing he could find that is hard and slam it into the
managers head. Hayama grunted in pain and fainted. A wound is visible on his forehead.
Gackt quickly pushed Hayama away from Mana, and the sobbing man tight against his
chest. Gackt tries to soothe him down, shhhhh hime-chan, its ok now. Dont cry. Shhhh,
its ok its ok, Im here, he cant harm you, He ran his hand in circles around Manas
back trying to calm the historical man down.
Mana was sure its a nightmare turn to a dream. Gackt is here, why is he here?
That doesnt really matter as long as hes here. Mana buried his face deeper into Gackts
neck and held onto his shirt tighter. Hold me tighter? please Gackt? everythings going
to be all right hime-chan, and of course Ill hold you tighter. Now dont cry, its bad for
you ne? Gackt began to rock slightly back and forth, hes is still a scared, what wouldve
happened if he hadnt came in time? He couldnt even imagine it. He had almost
forgotten all about the letter, Gackts eyes widen, that letter said that Mana had slept
with the manager but why was he sobbing when Hayama was about to kiss him? Ill have
to ask him later. Gackt look down at Mana who is still sobbing against him, come to think
of it, I never really gave him a chance to talk...
When Mana had finally calm down, he doesnt want to leave Gackts embrace but
he knew Gackt wouldnt want him in his arms more than he had to, while he was crying
before he heard Gackt called him hime-chan, Mana smiled, the first true smile in months,
but Mana turned his face so Gackt couldnt see it. He might be disgusted, ano...Mana
blinked what is he doing here? Mana was about to ask him when Gackt spoke, Mana
Mana sadden when Gackt used his name and not hime-chan, why dont we get out of
here now, before Hayama wakes up? Mana nodded regrettably, but got up from his
position in Gackts arms, Where are we going? Gackt look outside, its a sunny day
hmmm the park Once Gackt was up, his face turned statementless again, Mana began
to worry. What would he want to talk about? panic began to welled up inside him Maybe,
maybe he thinks that I let people do what Hayama was just about to do to me, thatll
make it even worst! Hes going think Im the least proficient person on earth! Worst than
a slut! Whatll I do?? Gackt held the door open as he waited for Mana to grab his keys.
They walked silently, trying to guess what the other is thinking. Finally they reach
the park, Gackt led them to the pond. Once there they sat down and Gackt began to talk,
Mana his face was still statementless, the letter.... Mana waited, nervously, for him to
continue, what did you write? Mana was confused, of all the things he had expected
Gackt to say, this was not one of them, but he answered him in a sore voice, due to the
cause that he was crying before, what if he doesnt feel the same? Hayama said he didnt
give him my letter so he never read it...but does he feel he same? Probably not, Gackt
hates me, but itll be good to get it off my chest. If he wants to shatter whats left of my
heart then so be it, it belongs to him from the beginning anyway, Mana took a deep
breath and said the letter you received was not from me, Hayama replaced my letter with
false one. I dont know what he wrote but this is what I wanted to say. That letter was
supposed to tell you my true feelings, Mana looked away, he doesnt want to see the
rejection he knew he is going to get, What feelings are you talking about?
Mana stare at the bush near him, but he is not really looking at it, love. I loved
you even though I know you dont love me, I couldnt help it. I see you smile and thats
enough to make me want to give you everything that I can, if you want it. But I dont
have much to offer, I gave you my virginity that night, but I guess you didnt like it...
Manas voice was fading into a whisper. Gackt you dont have to pity me or anything, I
dont need that. But can you let me continue loving you? I promise Ill stay away, you
dont have to see me. I really do love you, even though you dont feel the same. I
understand. he is sobbing now, but Mana doesnt seem to notice it. mana.. it came out
a whisper, Gackt was filled with so much quilt, for treating his hime-chan that bad,
treating the only person he truly love so horrible, but Mana forgave him. gackt? do you
really think Im a slut? he pull his legs up to his chest and hug them close, waiting for
Gackt to yell or hit him. I started dressing in long sleeves shirts and pants, I really want
to know if you think Im a slut now? Please answer me? Gackt can sense the hurt that he
caused with his words, no, Mana- Mana quickly wipe away his tears and turned toward
him, smiling, but it is a bitter smile, arigatou, for not thinking that low of me mana-
Gackt started to say but is cut off when Mana started talking again, his heart aches for a
chance to explain himself, to tell Mana how wrong he was and how much he love him, go
ahead, ne gackt? i know youre going to reject me now, but please promise me that youll
still let me love you? Manas voice was so faint and filled with grief that Gackt almost
couldnt hear it, it also made him want to crawl over to his hime and beg for forgiveness.
Gackt breath in and started Mana the other man hug his knees tighter against himself,
waiting, Hime-chan, Gackt reach over and pull Manas back against his chest, he held
Manas slender waist tightly as he spoke, Im so sorry, forgive me? Im so sorry, so
sorry... Gackt buried his face in Manas silky curls. Droplets of tear came down his face
and drop onto Manas exposed part of his shoulder.
Manas eyes were very wide by now and surprised. Of all the things he had
expected Gackt to say, this was not one of them, then he notice, he-hes crying. He felt
sad, he dont want Gackt to be crying. He gather up his courage, turned around and shyly
wipe away the tears from Gackts cheeks. Then he quickly averted his eyes and started to
turn back around, but Gackts hand on his arm stopped him. Mana look up at Gackt in
surprise. He thought Gackt wouldnt want to see him again, and he is sure that the
apology was of quilt. Gackt then said something again, Mana never thought he would say
in a million years. He pull Mana to his chest and whisper something into his ear. Mana
blinked, he was sure he heard wrong. Gackt couldnt..... possibly...feel...that...way...
Gackt smiled at Manas confused look, kawaii. As if on cue Mana blushed. Do you
want me to say it again Mana nodded, not sure if his voice could be trusted. As Gackt
lean forward toward him, his heart began to beat wildly, out of control. I love you my
beautiful hime-chan. I can say that over and over again if you want. Gomen ne. That letter
got to me more than it should have, gomen ne! he loves me Mana thought dazed. luv u,
luv u, luv u he kept on murmuring that phase over and over into Manas ear, until Mana
brought his slender hands up to Gackts face and slowly caress his cheeks, brushing his
bangs away from his eyes. Gackt whispered one last time, Luv you my hime, before he
lower his head and gently kiss Manas little rosebud nose. Mana blinked, then smiled. I
love you too. Can I kiss my hime? He took Manas blush as a yes and lightly brush his
lips against the guitarists, as if asking for permission, then he deepen it causing a light
gasp from his love. The kiss was slow and loving, after a minutes they finally broke apart.
A little out of breath. Gackt place his arms around Manas delicate waist and hug him
tighter against his chest. Mana-chan lets go to my place ne? hai-eep! Mana was
suddenly hoist up into the air, he quickly wrap his arms around Gackts neck, afraid of
falling. Gackt chuckled, dont worry Mana-chan, I wont let my princess fall. He began
walking toward his apartment building. People in the area began to stare, ano.. Gackt,
put me down? Mana blushed bright red when a group of girls giggled while passing by.
He bury his face into the guitarists neck. Gackt just grinned. No, I want to carry you.
8 minutes later they arrived infront of his apartment, Mana, could you open the
door? My hand are a little full right now. He look up at him a little surprised, Gackt you
carried me from the park to your home, arent you at least a bit tired? Iya, Mana youre
too light. You are going to be gaining weight when Im done. What are you going to
do? Feed me? he grinned impishly. Hai and not only food too and Mana promptly
blush. He reach into his pocket, took out his keys and open the door. Gackt closed the
door with his foot and carry Mana over to his couch. He sat down with Mana on his lap.
Mana look around the apartment, all this time you were just living a few blocks from
me. I like this spot, it has a great view of the city. Is that why you picked it? mmm,
yeah Mana giggled, Gackt, what are you doing? mmmm hmmm? lapping on your
lovely neck Ive notice, but what about this? he pointed toward a wandering hand
currently making its way up his thigh. thats my hand....yum...mmmm Mana arch his
head a bit, letting Gackt more access to his neck. and? mmmmm.......god I want you
Mana lean down his lips are next to his ear. Then lets go to the bedroom ne? grinning,
Gackt picked him up and carry him toward the bedroom. I could get used to this, you
carrying me, and I dont have to walk. he lean up kissed his cheek. Gackt didnt say
anything instead he responded by closing the door with a click.
email author mailto:JubiLuv@hotmail.com
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