THE TRUE CONFESSION OF TERACHI SHINYA

by Kurara

+part 5+

--Shinya's Journal--

July 30, 1864

The crew will not talk to me at all. It's been three days since the
Captain killed Toshiya. Die doesn't even come in to help me with
Mouse-san anymore. It's dreadfuly lonely and I feel like crying
everytime a crew member passes me without even aknowledging my
presence.

I would go to the Captain's quarters, but whenever I see him, it's
like I can feel the hate from Kaoru. They all have to do extra work
as well to make up for Toshiya.

I can't even write anymore right now.

-Shinya

***

Shinya put Mouse-san back in his cage and sat on his bed, looking
around. His eyes fell on the uniform Toshiya made for him. He
walked across the room and picked it up, holding it to his chest
before putting it on the bed. Slowly, he undressed and packed away
his dress. Then he put on the sailor's uniform, kind of unsure of
himself, but when he was finished, he looked in the mirror as he
pulled his long hair into a ponytail.

He took in a deep breath and made up his mind. He walked out of his
room and made his way to Kaoru. Kaoru gasped when he saw Shinya.
Shinya's face remained still. "I wish to take over Toshiya's duties
beacuse I feel responsible somehow..."

Kaoru turned around and started walking away. "Go back to your
dresses and your Captain. We don't want you."

Shinya clenched his fists and ran up to Kaoru, almost slipping as it
was still raining and the deck was wet. "I can do it you know!" He
called out. "I'm not as weak as I look!"

"We don't want you."

Shinya pulled on Kaoru's arm. "I had no idea that this was going to
happen! But... but now that it has, I'm sorry and I want to help
you! Please!"

Kaoru turned around. "No one will accept you. You will be on your
own if you become one of us. The Captain will attack you too."

"I don't care."

Kaoru started walking away again. "No."

"Kaoru! Give me a chance!"

"Test him." Kyo's voice came and he walked out.

Kaoru looked to Kyo and starred for a while. "What's the best test?"

"Same as what we did for Levin." Kyo pointed up.

Shinya looked up, expecting to see something, but Kaoru's voice
brought him back. "So, have him climb up the mast?"

"Hai. If he does that, he can join. If not, he just goes in his
room and leaves us alone for the rest of the trip."

Kaoru thought for a moment, then nodded. "Okay."

***

The whole crew watched as Shinya grasped the roping and put his first
foot in. Shinya's heart raced and he couldn't hear anything but it
throbbing in his ears. He pressed his eyes shut and started going
up. With every second, he got shakier, but he continued, even as the
rain pelted down on him. About halfway up, a wind picked up and
Shinya clutched harshly at the ropes. He looked down to see
everyone's faces. He couldn't see them, but he saw a red spot and it
made him more determined.

He gritted his teeth and took a deep breath, going up higher. His
hands ached from the rope blistering his soft, unworked hands, and
suddenly his foot slipped.

His heart stopped and his hands gripped tighter on the rope as he
struggled to get his feet back on the rope.

Tears streamed from his eyes as he fretted to stay up. As if by a
miracle, his foot found the rope again and, after pausing
momentarily, he continued up. After what seemed like an eternity,
Shinya reached the top. He waved down, his signal, before starting
to go back down.

WHen he was almost down, lightening filled the sky and the resulting
clap of thunder caused him to scream and loose his grip. He fell ten
feet down to the ground, but luckily landed on his feet.

Kaoru just turned and walked away as Die quickly went behind Shinya,
catching him as he fainted.

***

Shinya stirred slightly, his eyes openeing, but vision totally blurry
as he saw someone place a towel on his forehead. He recognized the
person, but didn't remember where from. As the person realized
Shinya was awake, he left. Shinya tried to call out, but his voice
cracked.

Moments later, Die walked in quietly, but Shinya pretended to be
asleep again. Die sat down and combed his fingers through Shinya's
hair silently before opening Mouse-san's cage and taking care of him.

Shinya opened his eyes and tried to sit up, but he still felt
dizzy. "Die..."

Die turned around and looked at Shinya. "Shinya..." he sat down next
to Shinya. "Daijoubu ka?"

Shinya nodded. "Just a bit dizzy."

"Hmm... well, you're part of us now I guess."

"Hounto?"

Die nodded and took Shinya's hands. "So pale and soft...they'll get
dark and coarse like mine..." He looked up to Shinya. "Are you sure
you really want to do this?"

Shinya nodded. "I have to do this. I must do this."

Die suddenly hugged Shinya. "No, you don't... don't do this."

Shinya shook his head against Die's chest. "No... I can and I
must." Shinya pulled away. "Don't worry."

Die opened his mouth to protest, but Shinya's door was opened and
Yoshiki stormed in. He took one of Shinya's dresses and threw it at
Shinya. "Put that on!"

Shinya glanced up at Yoshiki. "How can I do shipwork in that?"

Yoshiki's eyes darkened. "You are a passenger, not a sailor!"

"I'm a sailor now. I'm taking Toshiya's place."

They starred at each other for a long time before Yoshiki spoke
again. "Fine. But you'll sleep, eat, and be treated like a
sailor." He turned and started walking out. "Clear out of these
quarters, you're going in the barracks."

***

Okie!
That's all for now!
C/C onegai shimasu!
I promise to respond soon to the C/C from last part, can't now.. must
pack..
ja!
~kurara

to be continued~

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