Vicious Cycle
By: Kurara
*part 4*
Shinya felt for breath, and it was only faintly there. Die ran in and saw Kaoru. “Oh my God…” he quickly called the
hospital, but the line was busy. “Dammit!” He turned to Toshiya for help, but the bassist was
pale and shaking. Come on Die… think…
you have to get Kaoru to the hospital… “Shinya,”
Die put his hand on Shinya’s shoulder, but was shoved away.
“STAY AWAY FROM HIM!”
Shinya screamed, gathering Kaoru in his arms and rocking back and forth,
crying.
“Shinya! We
have to get him to a hospital!”
“Don’t hurt him… don’t hurt him…”
Shinya muttered, over and over again.
“Shinya! Listen
to me! We can still save him!”
“Kaoru… I’m so sorry… Kaoru…”
Shinya’s tears mixed with the blood and he grabbed the knife on the floor. “You’re not alone… Kaoru… I’m
coming too… don’t you dare leave me…”
Die’s eyes widened, seeing what was going to happen. He gathered his courage and hit Shinya on top of
the head hard, knocking him unconscious.
*
Die held Toshiya as the bassist slept on his shoulder,
exhausted from worry and crying. Kyo sat on
an opposite couch, asleep on Gackt who was resting his eyes. Shinya was in one room, with a concussion, and
Kaoru was in another. He had gotten the
guitarist there in time, and they were able to save his body, and now it was just a matter
of his spirit to survive.
“Die?”
Die looked up. “Hai?”
“Shinya is awake.”
Die slid away from Toshiya and covered him with his jacket
before going into Shinya’s room. Shinya
was shaking in his bed, curled up in a ball, crying.
Die went over to him and kissed his cheek.
“Shinya…”
“They won’t let me see Kaoru… why won’t
they let me see Kaoru? Is Kaoru dead and they’re
just not telling me? Die! Tell me the truth…”
“Kaoru is alive, just… unconscious… he hasn’t
woken…”
“This is all my fault… if I had never slept with
Toshiya this wouldn’t have happened. We’d
still be going out and everyone would be happy and alive…”
“Shinya… you have me…”
“Die… I… I love Kaoru…”
Die brushed a hand over Shinya’s cheek. “I know… I wish it was different, but…
I know… I always knew…”
Shinya started to cry even harder. “And now I hurt you too! And I hurt Toshiya by being with you… the
only one I’m not hurting is Kyo… maybe I’m hurting him too somehow and I
don’t know… maybe I should’ve never came here… this is all my fault…
all my fault!” He hit the bed. “Damn it!!!”
Die lifted Shinya into a hug and held him tightly.
*
“He’s so peaceful looking…” Shinya brushed his
hand over Kaoru’s face.
“I wish he’d wake up…” Kyo said. “Even I don’t sleep for a week straight.”
Shinya stayed silent, just looking into Kaoru’s
face.
Toshiya hugged Shinya from behind.
“Don’t worry, Shinya, he’ll wake up. As long as you’re by him, he’ll wake up.”
Shinya nodded. “I
hope so…”
Die kissed Shinya’s cheek.
“Get everything straightened out with him as soon as possible. You two are for each other.”
Shinya sighed. “Die…
I don’t want to hurt you…”
Die smiled. “Shinya…
as long as you’re happy… that’s what love is, remember? I can cope… I’ll learn to love another…
and I’ll always stay by you when you need me.”
Shinya hugged Die. “Arigato…”
After the others left, Shinya stared at Kaoru for a while
longer, then ran his finger over his lips. “Kaoru…
I’m so sorry… please… come back… I don’t know what to do anymore…
if you left… I… I don’t know what I’d do…” He put his head
on Kaoru’s chest and cried.
*
“Shinya… stop crying…”
“Kaoru?” Shinya
lifted his head from Kaoru’s chest and was greeted to Kaoru looking at him. “Oh Kaoru!”
Kaoru brushed the tears away from Shinya’s face. “Don’t cry… It hurts…”
Shinya lifted his hand to Kaoru’s… and felt nothing…
*
Shinya snapped awake. A
dream… The tears started to come
down again and Shinya tried to fall asleep again, to return to that beautiful dream. He fell asleep quickly, still crying.
“Shin… ya… don’t cry…” Kaoru
muttered, still unconscious.
*
“Kaoru…” the tears came harder than ever before. “Kaoru… don’t you love me anymore? Why won’t you wake up? Won’t you wake up for me? Kaoru? Please! The doctor says today is the last day… if you
don’t wake…” Shinya took Kaoru’s hand and put it to his face. “Don’t you feel them? Don’t you feel the tears?!” He moved the hand to his heart and held it there
with both hands. “Can’t you feel it
breaking apart?” Shinya grabbed Kaoru’s
shoulders. “Dammit Kaoru! Don’t leave me!” He kissed the guitarist, hoping he’d feel it. “You’re not going to wake up, are you?” Shinya reached into his boot and pulled out a
knife. “Kaoru… I can’t live
without you here…” He turned the knife’s point to his chest. “I love you, Kaoru. I’ll see you…” He held the knife a
little away and brought it down.
*
Toshiya walked up to Die and rested his head on the guitarist’s
shoulder as he looked out over the city from the hospital balcony. They stood in silence, looking out over the
sunset. Die’s hand came down and held
onto Toshiya’s, almost shyly, and Toshiya smiled.
*
Shinya let go of the knife as he stared at the hand clasped
over his wrist. He started shaking and turned
his head to see Kaoru awake. “Sh…
sh…”
“K…” Shinya passed out onto Kaoru’s chest.
“Shin…” Kaoru blinked. “Where…?” His eyes went around the room. “H… hosp… ital…” He
looked to the side of the bed and found a call button.
*
“Did you have a nice nap?” Kaoru smiled as he gazed into Shinya’s waking
face beside him. He had insisted that Shinya
would be placed in the bed next to his and once the doctor was out he had made his way
onto the drummer’s bed, holding him in his arms.
“Yume…” Shinya whispered.
Kaoru shook his head. “Yume
ja nai…” (If you don’t know what that phrase is, you haven’t watched
enough shoujo anime! ::shoves Sailor Moon
Stars tapes at everyone:: be educated! –K) Kaoru
held on tighter. “You can feel me,
right?” He ran a finger along Shinya’s
lip. “Yume ja nai.”
“Kaoru… why?” Shinya
breathed, grabbing Kaoru’s hand and showing him the wrist.
“I cause too much trouble… and… and you were
with Die…”
“Because you told me to!”
“Is that the only reason?”
Shinya nodded. “And,
then I saw you and Totchi…”
Kaoru bit his lip. “He
was to forget you… but… I never stopped loving you…”
Tears streamed down Shinya’s eyes. “Well… now I know this isn’t a
dream.” Kaoru smiled. “We’re dead… you really didn’t
save me… I died and so did you… and now we’ll never be able to be the same…”
Kaoru’s eyes also filled with tears. “Shinya… I didn’t stop you…”
Shinya sobbed harder. We
are dead!
“You already had the knife in your chest when I woke, but
the doctors got here and saved you.” Kaoru
held onto Shinya’s hand. “I’m
so sorry I put you through all this.”
Shinya inched closet to Kaoru and hugged him, falling asleep
once again as he cried.
*
Dead people dream? Shinya
sat in a pastel colored field in wonder. His
limbs were floating, as though he was relaxed in water.
He looked around and there wasn’t anyone else. He saw a blue light and tried to go to it, but
couldn’t move. The light came to him. “What…?”
Am I? A sound
echoed. I am Hope.
Cracksmoke dream… Shinya snorted.
Hope is in you… as long as you’re alive…
I’m crazy…
The light looked defeated.
You idiot…
*
“Kaoru...?” Shinya
ran a hand over Kaoru’s sleeping face. As
his hand went over the guitarist’s mouth, he felt breath. Dead people don’t breathe…He drew
back his hand and looked down his shirt. “Bandages…”
He shook Kaoru. “Kaoru! Kaoru!”
He whispered. Kaoru woke up and
looked at Shinya funny. “I’m alive…”
Kaoru smiled. “Of
course you are.”
“Kaoru?”
“Hai?”
“I miss…” he bit his lip, “I miss you. I miss your arms… you hands… your kisses…
you.”
Kaoru held Shinya and kissed him deeply, cradling the other’s
head in his hand.
*
Die saw Toshiya on the couch as he walked into the waiting
room. He smiled as he saw the blue hair
splayed over the white arm of the couch as he rested.
Die noticed that there was enough room for another on the large couch and so
he had the desire to got on as well. He got
on and wrapped his arms around Toshiya instinctively.
Toshiya woke up and looked into Die’s eyes. “Die-kun?”
“Anata ni oyasumi.”
Die grinned.
Toshiya nuzzled his head into Die’s neck. “Die?”
“Hai?”
“When I wake up, will you be here still?”
Die kissed Toshiya’s cheek.
“Sure!”
“For how long?”
Die pulled away. “Toshiya?”
Toshiya wiped tears from his eyes. “Die… stay?”
“I’m right here.”
Toshiya grabbed Die’s shirt. “That’s not what I mean!”
“Then what do you—“
Toshiya harshly pressed his lips against Die’s, the tears
coming harder, then pulling away, turning to face the couch instead of the guitarist, lost
in anguish.
Die blinked in surprise. “Totchi?”
Sobs were his only response.
Die wrapped his arms around Toshiya again and pulled himself
close against him, feeling an urge to be the only one to be that close to him. “Totchi… I’ll stay as long as you
want me to.”
*
Well, that’s the end of the fic… I know the ending isn’t
too good, but I tried to make this fic realistic. Sometimes it just ends like this, I know
>_<
There is a lemon side story to come up, so keep your eyes open,
ne? ^^
~Kurara
***
kurara@jshock.i-p.com
fics page