10 Fun Things to do at the Mall
	10 Things to do at the Mall 1. Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've seen this man." 2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big. 3. Ask appliance personnel if they have any TVs that play only in Spanish. 4. Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are "leak proof". 5. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them. 6. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts. 7. Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray them with your own bottle of Eau de Swanke. 8. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard. 9. At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back perme 10. At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!"